"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

Their bodies may be mature for sex, their emotions and brain cannot handle the long term impact of having sex too early. Are you for real? You sound like a very irresponsible person.

I think you're the same person dictating what's age-appropriate from above. And I'm one of the posters who responded negatively to your opinion-based sermonizing. Again, please, tell us your source for saying this person is acting in ways that are emotionally inappropriate? Or did you just read this in "convenient theories for me" in the section of the Bible where Jesus talks about sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was fast - I had sex at age 13, and experimented with alcohol and marijuana. I used to sneak out with guys - some even over the age of 18. I don't think it was a lack of parenting or bi-polar disorder or anything like that. I think it was a combination of early puberty and low self-esteem. I am socially awkward, so when my body developed and boys expressed interest in me, it was easier to be physically sexy than communicate in other ways.

I experienced early puberty, low self esteem and social awkwardness but never in a million years would I have considered sneaking out with boys at 13. At that age I was still playing with my barbies!

[Anonymous]

I’ve always asked friends, coworkers who became great friends of crap jobs while I was a teen when they lost their virginity. 90% of them said 12 yrs old.

Most of them men, to older girls most commonly in a school parking lot.

Save the talk on how inappropriate this talk is in the workplace, I’ve learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this, but I have a boy:

My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

+1

Over strict parents often have the most backlash. You can "call the other parents", but that will just make you look insane.

[Anonymous]

I work in healthcare and talk to teenagers about their sex lives all day long. I can tell you that calendar age and real maturity around sexual decision-making are often totally unrelated. I can also tell you that a lot of kids are having sex and doing everything they can to hide it from their parents because “parents would kill me.”. Sadly those kids are often the least able to take the necessary precautions to keep themselves safe. But I see teens and young adults at all places along that age continuum making both safe/thoughtful decisions and really reckless ones. And the reasons for it are all over the place.

[Anonymous]

The 2 "fast girls" I know both happened to turn pretty and grown-up looking overnight and that got lots of attention from boys. They both went on to have kids fairly young, but "slowed down ageing at 30" and now are dragging this looking like 35 into their 40s. They also went on to have 2nd child after 1st one was almost a grown-up. Simply different speeds of doing things.

[Anonymous]

One key ingredient is early social savvy and being able to read people. Combine that with other factors, like higher sex drive, and that is a recipe for early “mature” behavior.

My one kid who went through puberty early and looks much older has no social savvy or interest in dating. My younger child is very interested in the dating scene and taking risks but looks young for their age and puberty isn’t being kind so (thankfully) it’s slowing them down.

[Anonymous]

Fast kids tend to peak in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fast kids tend to peak in high school.

+1

[Anonymous]

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf

NP. In case anyone wants actual data. 15 doesn't seem "fast" per Table 7.

[Anonymous]

I started drinking and smoke at 13. By 18 had tried most of your average drugs (weed, shrooms, ecstasy, coke.) I got sober in my late 20s and that may have had a correlation. I never felt like I fit in the world, until I started using. Many of my other friends in recovery started early as well. I believe you have a predisposition to addiction so maybe that was it. Many of my friends who started using with me young, and really loved it, are probably also addicts but some live functional lives and still drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 2 "fast girls" I know both happened to turn pretty and grown-up looking overnight and that got lots of attention from boys. They both went on to have kids fairly young, but "slowed down ageing at 30" and now are dragging this looking like 35 into their 40s. They also went on to have 2nd child after 1st one was almost a grown-up. Simply different speeds of doing things.

I've always wondered if girls that physically mature early get into "trouble" more frequently. I was friends with a girl starting from around age 8 who physically matured very early and had lot of male attention when she was 12. We would go to the beach and all of the lifeguards would be hanging around her, totally ignoring me (at 12 I was 5'11", 100 lbs and flat as a board). At 16 she had a 28 year old boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't physically mature early. My daughter on the other hand hit puberty around age 10 1/2, too much for a kid that young to deal with.

Being sexually mature without emotional maturity is tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fast kids tend to peak in high school.

Nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Fast is not just about sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD isn't "fast"
She has straight As doesn't drink
She did have a BF starting at age 14 however and began having sex with him at 15
She didn't end up pregnant or grades going down or doing drugs.
She isn't dating him anymore or anyone (covid and not going anywhere).
But they aren't all linked. We have liberal views about sex and dating.
But we don't about drugs or getting wasted or bad grades. So she stays in what we've created as her lane.

You can call it whatever you want, but a child having sex at 15 is fast. That is not healthy age-appropriate behavior based on our societal norms. The fact you’ve decided that’s the lane you’re creating in your household doesn’t change that. Any parent that hears this info about your daughter, and the fact this is an acceptable norm in your household, wouldn’t want their kid anywhere near yours.

Is this for real? A 15 year old having sex with a same age peer she's been in a long term relationship with is very much the definition of age appropriate. Sure, we as parents would like them all to wait until 18, but did any of us wait that long by choice?

Their bodies may be mature for sex, their emotions and brain cannot handle the long term impact of having sex too early. Are you for real? You sound like a very irresponsible person.

I think you're the same person dictating what's age-appropriate from above. And I'm one of the posters who responded negatively to your opinion-based sermonizing. Again, please, tell us your source for saying this person is acting in ways that are emotionally inappropriate? Or did you just read this in "convenient theories for me" in the section of the Bible where Jesus talks about sex?

They’re not the same poster. I posted about age appropriate behavior, and the above post you resppnded to is not from me. And I’m an atheist. It sounds like you’re almost encouraging your kid to have sex at 15. You’re disgusting, and I feel so sorry for your child. Talk to a therapist and they’ll clue you in on why 15 year old children are not emotionally ready for sex. Involved, decent parents prepare and educate their kids but also stay alert and keep them busy so a 15 year old’s main focus isn’t finding a significant other and getting laid. Good lord.