Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

The numerous women every guy bangs after he gets divorced never think so.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Woman here invading this group. My husband is always very sweet to me and never criticizes or belittles me. That makes me want to be very sweet and nice to him and sex is part of that. And when we have sex he almost always asks what I’d enjoy because it’s not always the same and I do my best to make him happy.

Another women here. Agree with this. My entire life I used to lose interest in sex within 2-3 months of a relationship. I thought it was biological. Turns out I just picked jerks, and once I found one who treated me well, I found that I wanted sex more and more over time, not less.

So if a woman doesn’t want sex, it’s because her husband is a jerk. I get that, makes perfect sense: nobody wants sex with a jerk!

But wait: if he really is this total jerk, he would know (because she would say so) in fact she would quickly divorce him! Because who stays married to a jerk? So this “no sex with a jerk” theory cannot apply to this thread, because these guys aren’t divorced, and their wives aren’t calling them jerks, therefore they can’t be jerks.

Try again please?

*shrug* A lot of people won't get divorced for various reasons- kids, finances, societal pressure. I mean, you can apply your same logic and say "no man would stay married to a woman who won't have sex with him! Who stays married to that? So your "wife won't have sex with me" doesn't apply this thread, therefore all the men here are actually getting laid!"

If you want to keep telling yourself it's not your fault your wife won't sleep with you, go ahead. Doesn't affect my life at all, and I'm happily getting laid several times a week.

You are saying that a sexless wife (secretly) WANTS to divorce her jerk husband except ... he’s a provider, and her divorced-over-35-mom-with-joint-custody life would be too hard. She wants to continue getting her benefits of marriage while providing him no ... benefits. Is this your message?

Also: you are calling these wives liars. Because a husband who isn’t getting sex due to being a jerk.... surely must KNOW he is a jerk! Unless his wife is being dishonest. Is that it? The men really ARE jerks but the wives are LYING about it? Because a jerk is more likely to stop being a jerk if his wife keeps this a secret?

The men are being honest. Their sexless wives KNOW their husband is unhappy about not getting laid. The men aren’t pretending to be happy about no sex while (manipulatively) thinking that keeping this secret will result in... sex.

And your counter argument (who stays married to a wife who won’t have sex) fails because sex can be had elsewhere, whereas a jerk husband will just keep on being a big old jerk.

Try again please?

I don't know what to tell you, man. Every woman I know- myself included- who lost interest in sex did so because their husband wasn't a good partner.

You can keep telling yourself whatever you want about how it's all your wife's fault that she won't sleep with you. It probably won't help you get laid. From the way you word your posts, you sound bitter and sarcastic, so I'm not surprised she isn't interested.

Happy to provide you with some resources if you're interested in improving your marriage.

So you immediately left your husband, because who stays with a bad partner? And well before you leaving, he was clear about being a jerk, yet he wanted to remain a jerk?

Your guidance seems to be: she loses interest mean romantic relationship is over. If a husband want to stay together as platonic room mates, open the marriage. Otherwise divorce. Do NOT keep doing chores expecting sex (ever). Thank you for confirming the well know solution to a sexless marriage.

PP here. I did leave my husband, after years of telling him I didn't want to be treated the way he treated me. My new SO treats me very well and we have sex daily (twice a day now that we're stuck at home).

My ex did try to pull the open marriage card and I was fine with it. Gave him my blessing and offered to show him how to set up a Tinder profile. But he pretty quickly found out not too many women want to have sex with a married guy who belittles them.

As for chores....I seriously barely have to lift a finger, my SO does almost all of it, always happily and usually shirtless Not saying that chores=sex, but it definitely helps. But he doesn't do it expecting sex, he does it because he likes doing nice things for me. So I like doing nice things back.

Cool story, bro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet some of the men here subscribe to the thought process that rape can’t happen within a marriage because she “owes” her husband.

As for me, I actually wouldn’t mind my husband having sex outside our marriage if and only if there was a guarantee of no pregnancy, no disease, and absolutely no emotional attachment. Problem is, none of those can be fully guaranteed, especially emotions. Nope, sorry.

The only thing that offers that is his hand. Which he’s welcome to use.

Yes, the wife does owe the husband sex, but no, that doesn't mean it's ok to rape her.

[Anonymous]

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

What a load of garbage. You invented "benefits" that men don't actually care about (and certainly don't get married to obtain) in order to feed your fantasy that men get more out of marriage than women, and that it's ok to deny men sex (what they do want) because they still get this other stuff (that they don't care about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet some of the men here subscribe to the thought process that rape can’t happen within a marriage because she “owes” her husband.

As for me, I actually wouldn’t mind my husband having sex outside our marriage if and only if there was a guarantee of no pregnancy, no disease, and absolutely no emotional attachment. Problem is, none of those can be fully guaranteed, especially emotions. Nope, sorry.

The only thing that offers that is his hand. Which he’s welcome to use.

Yes, the wife does owe the husband sex, but no, that doesn't mean it's ok to rape her.

Np. Nope. Nobody is owed sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

The numerous women every guy bangs after he gets divorced never think so.

Oh please. Newness and excitement doesn't mean skill level. Don't delude yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

What a load of garbage. You invented "benefits" that men don't actually care about (and certainly don't get married to obtain) in order to feed your fantasy that men get more out of marriage than women, and that it's ok to deny men sex (what they do want) because they still get this other stuff (that they don't care about).

Nope, not a load of garbage. The point is that it isn't about sexlessness. It's about men wanting something new after they have "accomplished" life things such as raising kids, building career and wealth. Their wives could compromise but these husbands want what they want, no compromise is good because in their mind they have options. It's really pretty clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Men benefit from marriage in other ways besides sex.
Children, family, stability, cooking/cleaning, social life, etc. There is another man on here who stayed in a sexless marriage all the while planning divorce as soon as the children went to college. He also wanted the benefits without providing any...

What a load of garbage. You invented "benefits" that men don't actually care about (and certainly don't get married to obtain) in order to feed your fantasy that men get more out of marriage than women, and that it's ok to deny men sex (what they do want) because they still get this other stuff (that they don't care about).

Nope, not a load of garbage. The point is that it isn't about sexlessness. It's about men wanting something new after they have "accomplished" life things such as raising kids, building career and wealth. Their wives could compromise but these husbands want what they want, no compromise is good because in their mind they have options. It's really pretty clear.

Are you a husband? How do you feel comfortable making these absolute proclamation about what men want or think? The only thing that is really pretty clear is you do not know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

The numerous women every guy bangs after he gets divorced never think so.

Oh please. Newness and excitement doesn't mean skill level. Don't delude yourself.

Your post seems to imply having good sex is just the man’s responsibility. It is not but it is sexist. Though the larger issue is why a lot of the women responding to this thread are so toxic? The sexless wife thread is so different vs this one. You do not see posters attacking the wives as bad in bed or making similar sexist comments like you make. Maybe you should skip this thread? I really do not think you are helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet some of the men here subscribe to the thought process that rape can’t happen within a marriage because she “owes” her husband.

As for me, I actually wouldn’t mind my husband having sex outside our marriage if and only if there was a guarantee of no pregnancy, no disease, and absolutely no emotional attachment. Problem is, none of those can be fully guaranteed, especially emotions. Nope, sorry.

The only thing that offers that is his hand. Which he’s welcome to use.

I bet none of the men here subscribe to that thought process. Someone has been binge watching Handmaid’s Tale if you’ll allow me to make a similar unfounded, gendered assumption.

[Anonymous]

Why does a support thread for those suffering in sexless marriages become a beacon for parsimonious shrews who want everyone to share their ideologically-stunted, zero sum, miserly view of marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:FLESHLIGHT and YOUPORN. Amazon is still open

You are not getting sex at home. You cannot have go to your AP either. You can't boink your Co-Worker. You cannot get a happy ending massage. You cannot go to a prostitute either. In fact, you are in a sexual famine shitshow, the likes of which you have never seen before. Even HIV was not that limiting and you could use condoms and carry on somewhat.

There is no support group for you guys, Not even a groupon.

Oh yes there is. Ever hear of AshleyMadison and the likes? I could re-activate my account there anytime and find someone inside of a few weeks.

You have to be nutso. I wouldn't be sharing bodily fluids with anyone especially if you value your health. No one is worth that.

You have a left hand and right. If cheating is a thrill for you....cheat on your left hand with your right! There solved it for you!

That is what sex is about, sharing fluids. Thanks for giving me permission to masturbate but that's not what I want. My sex life is fine but I'd reactivate AM in a minute if I needed to. I'd much rather take my chances with a woman wh has been monogamous for years than your average bed hopping Tinder date. This Covid thing aside of course.

And BTW, in my experience, there are just as many wives not getting what they need as husbands. I never had trouble finding one.

You realize AM is all bots? Nobody will ever meet you there, the company is just talking your $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok guys. Here’s our group. How are you handling this? What has worked; what hasn’t? How will we go on in this situation? Let’s discuss.

So moral judgments aside:

My situation - 15 years married, 2 kids in middle school, have gone from sex 1-2 a month to once a season lately at best (and 0 for winter).

What works - completely giving up on your spouse as a sexual partner. Sounds counter-intuitive but its true. The sexual frustration and cycle of initiation and rejection is what is toxic. I take care of myself at least daily so I have nothing in the tank for her.

Also, exercise, dressing well. Going out more, ignoring the depressing nights of just sitting beside her on the couch while she surfs facebook or watches reality tv. Flirting, paying genuine compliments to women.

What doesn't work - scheduling sex, buying her toys, lingerie, vacations, hotels, inviting her to explore fantasies.

Can being in a sexless marriage work long term? For her, yes. For me, no. Short term, it's actually better to accept it than to try and fix an unfixable situation.

[Anonymous]

Problem solved by SARS-CoV-19. It will be too much of a hassle to have sex now.

https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf