Serious relationship with divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here—
Yes, we both had long term-ish relationships since our divorce. This is both our second serious relationship and we want it to be our last. We are committed. He’s fine inconveniencing himself by being at my house solely but he also wants his kids on board and he thinks that by having me casually be there from time to time will help so they get to know me. It is happening with his sons. It isn’t happening with his daughter.

I met her two years ago and she wasn’t this hostile at 14 but at that point, I really kept my distance so we never got to bond. And one day she totally turned. My boyfriend thinks she’s settling into rebellious behavior and wants her way always. She’s like that with many aspects of her life. I’m just discussing the parts that have to do with me. I don’t care if she talks back and throws hissy fits because her dad makes her put her laundry away. That’s their issue.

Have you tried spending time with her? Take her out alone shopping or out to eat and let her get to know you?

That I have not. She would say no. We have tried to find activities she can’t resist and she’s come to two of those-a baseball game and a movie.

[Anonymous]

stay away during his custody time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

But, he has three kids. How much time does he spend with her? He has two boys with very different interests. He needs to do some 1-1 time with her. He can do a date night with her one evening a week or every other week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:stay away during his custody time

+70%... you have your own kids. he needs to be there 100%

[Anonymous]

She is jealous of the time you get with her father. Acknowledge this and do your best to help the two of them get time together. And either wait this out 2 years or leave - but do you think that will fix anything in the girl’s broken heart? She and he need therapy. And you need to be an adult.

Signed,
I WAS that girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

But, he has three kids. How much time does he spend with her? He has two boys with very different interests. He needs to do some 1-1 time with her. He can do a date night with her one evening a week or every other week.

Op here. I feel like I’m having to defend myself a lot. He has very individual projects/hobbies that are particular to his kids that he does with each of them. More than once a week. That’s on top of all the time he spends with them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here—
Yes, we both had long term-ish relationships since our divorce. This is both our second serious relationship and we want it to be our last. We are committed. He’s fine inconveniencing himself by being at my house solely but he also wants his kids on board and he thinks that by having me casually be there from time to time will help so they get to know me. It is happening with his sons. It isn’t happening with his daughter.

I met her two years ago and she wasn’t this hostile at 14 but at that point, I really kept my distance so we never got to bond. And one day she totally turned. My boyfriend thinks she’s settling into rebellious behavior and wants her way always. She’s like that with many aspects of her life. I’m just discussing the parts that have to do with me. I don’t care if she talks back and throws hissy fits because her dad makes her put her laundry away. That’s their issue.

Have you tried spending time with her? Take her out alone shopping or out to eat and let her get to know you?

That I have not. She would say no. We have tried to find activities she can’t resist and she’s come to two of those-a baseball game and a movie.

As a teenage girl, I would not want to go to a baseball game or movie, if with everyone. You are completely missing the point. Take her out to eat and shopping/nails/hair or what SHE likes. You need to make it about her. You keep saying we.. there is no we. She should get alone time with her Dad and if you want a relationship spend time alone. Hey, lets go out eat and get you a few clothes. We have friends who refuse to do it with their kids but send them to me to do just that. Mine stay home with Dad and I take the girls. It means a lot to them. Or, one likes cooking so we do cooking classes together, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

But, he has three kids. How much time does he spend with her? He has two boys with very different interests. He needs to do some 1-1 time with her. He can do a date night with her one evening a week or every other week.

Op here. I feel like I’m having to defend myself a lot. He has very individual projects/hobbies that are particular to his kids that he does with each of them. More than once a week. That’s on top of all the time he spends with them together.

Hobbies/projects are different, especially for a teenage girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:stay away during his custody time

Op here. I do completely.

[Anonymous]

This is not putting your children first. Everyone talks a big game until their wrapped up in a situation like this and the children are always the ones that suffer. OP and OP's BF suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here—
Yes, we both had long term-ish relationships since our divorce. This is both our second serious relationship and we want it to be our last. We are committed. He’s fine inconveniencing himself by being at my house solely but he also wants his kids on board and he thinks that by having me casually be there from time to time will help so they get to know me. It is happening with his sons. It isn’t happening with his daughter.

I met her two years ago and she wasn’t this hostile at 14 but at that point, I really kept my distance so we never got to bond. And one day she totally turned. My boyfriend thinks she’s settling into rebellious behavior and wants her way always. She’s like that with many aspects of her life. I’m just discussing the parts that have to do with me. I don’t care if she talks back and throws hissy fits because her dad makes her put her laundry away. That’s their issue.

Have you tried spending time with her? Take her out alone shopping or out to eat and let her get to know you?

That I have not. She would say no. We have tried to find activities she can’t resist and she’s come to two of those-a baseball game and a movie.

As a teenage girl, I would not want to go to a baseball game or movie, if with everyone. You are completely missing the point. Take her out to eat and shopping/nails/hair or what SHE likes. You need to make it about her. You keep saying we.. there is no we. She should get alone time with her Dad and if you want a relationship spend time alone. Hey, lets go out eat and get you a few clothes. We have friends who refuse to do it with their kids but send them to me to do just that. Mine stay home with Dad and I take the girls. It means a lot to them. Or, one likes cooking so we do cooking classes together, etc.

Op here. Did you not read what I said? That IS what she wanted to do which is why she agree to those activities. She’s not a girly girl so nails and shopping would completely insult her. She likes baseball, history, comedy and some plays. We suggested trying to see several and she’s declined. She’s hinted at wanting to go biking (something my boyfriend and I do a lot) but the one time he offered, she declined. She’s since declined his invites to bike just with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

But, he has three kids. How much time does he spend with her? He has two boys with very different interests. He needs to do some 1-1 time with her. He can do a date night with her one evening a week or every other week.

Op here. I feel like I’m having to defend myself a lot. He has very individual projects/hobbies that are particular to his kids that he does with each of them. More than once a week. That’s on top of all the time he spends with them together.

Hobbies/projects are different, especially for a teenage girl.

Op here. Agreed. She has two specific hobbies she loves to do with her dad and they do them together often. Enough of blaming me. You guys are being unreasonable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not putting your children first. Everyone talks a big game until their wrapped up in a situation like this and the children are always the ones that suffer. OP and OP's BF suck.

Without citing examples, I’ll ignore your judgment. I am pretty certain you didn’t read all these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs to step up and be a parent. Daughter needs a set schedule in each house and she needs some 1-1 time with her Dad on a scheduled regular basis. She's probably getting put in the middle of both parents and mix that with 5 kids and its a very hard spot to be in. How much time does he really spend with her?

Op here. He spends 70% of his custody time with his kids. He also spends a lot of time outside of that time with her. Of course, with teenagers, he reports they’re often busy and often locked in their room.

But, he has three kids. How much time does he spend with her? He has two boys with very different interests. He needs to do some 1-1 time with her. He can do a date night with her one evening a week or every other week.

Op here. I feel like I’m having to defend myself a lot. He has very individual projects/hobbies that are particular to his kids that he does with each of them. More than once a week. That’s on top of all the time he spends with them together.

Hobbies/projects are different, especially for a teenage girl.

Op here. Agreed. She has two specific hobbies she loves to do with her dad and they do them together often. Enough of blaming me. You guys are being unreasonable

You need to change what you are doing if you want a relationship with her. It may be impossible but you don't sound like you tried either.