If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer. I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer. I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.

Are you not having regular sex with your husband? Well the only reason you aren't ALREADY divorced is he gets it elsewhere. So your drama about calling divorce lawyer is meaningless. If you aren't having sex, accept that open marriage is the only thing preventing divorce. If this bothers you go ahead and call the lawyer. Just accept your responsibility for marriage failure, whereas he goes elsewhere to SAVE the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

And I'm sure she meant that sex was important to her. It was. But if she's your age, her body is going through as many changes as she went through at puberty. For real. And it sucks. And I don't WANT to not want to have sex, but ... I'm just not as into it as I had been before. And my DH is a good guy, shares housework and childcare. I'm certainly less interested in him even more than I'm less interested in sex. (I still want sex, but less so with DH.)

I understood everything you shared up until this last part. Could you please clarify?

I'd probably be more interested in having sex with a new partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

You are broken in the head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

No. You are wrong. This is cheating, obviously. You cannot really say that 100% of women KNOW and BELIEVE that men won't go without sex. Because we know that men can and DO go without sex for long periods of time. They may not like it, but there are celibate men, and just because men aren't having sex with their wives does not mean they have free reign to have sex outside of their marriages. You are completely batshit crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

Okay, my dude, I have a 100% serious question for you and I very much hope you answer it.

The lesbian upthread -- should her wife expect her to be cheating? Or is this only something that women married to men must expect? Yet the sex-starved lesbian above is clearly suffering as much as the sex-starved men you're giving a pass.

We've had quite a few women posting that their husbands are denying them sex. Should their husbands also expect their wives to be stepping out? You say again and again that this is something that "wives" definitely already know about "men". But clearly it happens to women as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer. I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.

D-bag above clearly knows this and that's why he's cheating without ever having the conversation. He's convinced himself that he's a hero and saving the marriage, and she "should know" that he's cheating, when in fact he knows perfectly well that his wife would dump his ass the moment she found out.

Some people's devotion to self-deception is truly epic. He's probably a narcissist -- they're always the heroes of their own stories, whether reality agrees or not. Nothing's ever their fault and nothing ever demands effort or sacrifice from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

No. You are wrong. This is cheating, obviously. You cannot really say that 100% of women KNOW and BELIEVE that men won't go without sex. Because we know that men can and DO go without sex for long periods of time. They may not like it, but there are celibate men, and just because men aren't having sex with their wives does not mean they have free reign to have sex outside of their marriages. You are completely batshit crazy.

On the contrary YOU are batshit crazy if you believe that any normal man goes without sex just because his wife has lost interest. I can tell you, as a man, that every single normal man I know would agree with my view. The good news is this is 100% within your control. If you are having regular sex, there is no issue. If you are NOT, then you should call your lawyer right now and divorce, because your marriage is already open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

Okay, my dude, I have a 100% serious question for you and I very much hope you answer it.

The lesbian upthread -- should her wife expect her to be cheating? Or is this only something that women married to men must expect? Yet the sex-starved lesbian above is clearly suffering as much as the sex-starved men you're giving a pass.

We've had quite a few women posting that their husbands are denying them sex. Should their husbands also expect their wives to be stepping out? You say again and again that this is something that "wives" definitely already know about "men". But clearly it happens to women as well.

It's not cheating if your spouse (man or woman) does not want sex with you (man or woman).
I will point out that women DO seem to have the ability to go without sex, whereas men are NOT able to do so.
But either way, not cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

Okay, my dude, I have a 100% serious question for you and I very much hope you answer it.

The lesbian upthread -- should her wife expect her to be cheating? Or is this only something that women married to men must expect? Yet the sex-starved lesbian above is clearly suffering as much as the sex-starved men you're giving a pass.

We've had quite a few women posting that their husbands are denying them sex. Should their husbands also expect their wives to be stepping out? You say again and again that this is something that "wives" definitely already know about "men". But clearly it happens to women as well.

It's not cheating if your spouse (man or woman) does not want sex with you (man or woman).
I will point out that women DO seem to have the ability to go without sex, whereas men are NOT able to do so.
But either way, not cheating.

Well, the testimony of sex-starved women married to men with zero sex drive contradicts this. They're not hard to find and there have been plenty of such discussions in the past on this very forum.

Some men are able to go without sex. Some women are able to go without sex. Stop pretending that you're the way you are because you're a man. You're the way you are because... it's the way you are. Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't expect anyone to automatically know anything about you, and that includes your tolerance for going without sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer. I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.

Are you not having regular sex with your husband? Well the only reason you aren't ALREADY divorced is he gets it elsewhere. So your drama about calling divorce lawyer is meaningless. If you aren't having sex, accept that open marriage is the only thing preventing divorce. If this bothers you go ahead and call the lawyer. Just accept your responsibility for marriage failure, whereas he goes elsewhere to SAVE the marriage.

PP here. You really do not know anything about my situation. The fact that you jumped to these assumptions just tells me that you have a narrative to push and you are not going to let the facts get in your way. Either that, or you are a troll. If you are actually married, I feel sorry for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.

Okay, my dude, I have a 100% serious question for you and I very much hope you answer it.

The lesbian upthread -- should her wife expect her to be cheating? Or is this only something that women married to men must expect? Yet the sex-starved lesbian above is clearly suffering as much as the sex-starved men you're giving a pass.

We've had quite a few women posting that their husbands are denying them sex. Should their husbands also expect their wives to be stepping out? You say again and again that this is something that "wives" definitely already know about "men". But clearly it happens to women as well.

It's not cheating if your spouse (man or woman) does not want sex with you (man or woman).
I will point out that women DO seem to have the ability to go without sex, whereas men are NOT able to do so.
But either way, not cheating.

Well, the testimony of sex-starved women married to men with zero sex drive contradicts this. They're not hard to find and there have been plenty of such discussions in the past on this very forum.

Some men are able to go without sex. Some women are able to go without sex. Stop pretending that you're the way you are because you're a man. You're the way you are because... it's the way you are. Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't expect anyone to automatically know anything about you, and that includes your tolerance for going without sex.

Perhaps there are a handful of men who CAN go without sex. Perhaps there are a handful of women who can NOT go without sex.
The existence of a small fractional percentage of outliers does not really change this discussion, which applies the exact same whether a man or woman.

[Anonymous]

I think this is the same person pushing this narrative over and over again in multiple threads. He is angry, unpersuadable, and cannot see nuance. I think that makes him a troll at this point and it is best to ignore him. Before he showed up, there was a thoughtful conversation going on about how long-standing marriages can manage shifts in libido in one spouse or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic.

You sound like a good guy. Just don’t cheat. Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required. You have something that you can work with.

It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.

Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be gratefull for that because it has saved her from divorce.
The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional.

LOL. Love your "logic". Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer. I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.

Are you not having regular sex with your husband? Well the only reason you aren't ALREADY divorced is he gets it elsewhere. So your drama about calling divorce lawyer is meaningless. If you aren't having sex, accept that open marriage is the only thing preventing divorce. If this bothers you go ahead and call the lawyer. Just accept your responsibility for marriage failure, whereas he goes elsewhere to SAVE the marriage.

PP here. You really do not know anything about my situation. The fact that you jumped to these assumptions just tells me that you have a narrative to push and you are not going to let the facts get in your way. Either that, or you are a troll. If you are actually married, I feel sorry for your wife.

Correct I've made some assumptions because the scenario you responded to would only occur if you were rejecting sex with spouse. But if that's not your story, I apologize: please explain the facts of your situation. My narrative is just to inform sexless DCUM wives how their husbands are preventing her divorce.

My wife is fine, thanks for asking.