Reply to If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?

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Reply to "If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic. 
[/quote]

You sound like a good guy.  Just don’t cheat.  Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required.  You have something that you can work with.[/quote]
It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.[/quote]

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.[/quote]

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.[/quote]

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.[/quote]
Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be [u]gratefull[/u] for that because it has saved her from divorce.
[b]The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional[/b].[/quote]

LOL. Love your "logic".  Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.[/quote]

Again this is not cheating. A sexless wife KNOWS the score. Stop playing dumb here. If you aren't having sex, get a divorce or accept the fact that men don't go celibate.[/quote]

Okay, my dude, I have a 100% serious question for you and I very much hope you answer it.

The lesbian upthread -- should her wife expect her to be cheating?  Or is this only something that women married to men must expect?  Yet the sex-starved lesbian above is clearly suffering as much as the sex-starved men you're giving a pass.

We've had quite a few women posting that their husbands are denying them sex. Should their husbands also expect their wives to be stepping out? You say again and again that this is something that "wives" definitely already know about "men". But clearly it happens to women as well.[/quote]

It's not cheating if your spouse (man or woman) does not want sex with you (man or woman).
I will point out that [b]women DO seem to have the ability to go without sex, whereas men are NOT able to do so[/b].
But either way, not cheating.[/quote]

Well, the testimony of sex-starved women married to men with zero sex drive contradicts this. They're not hard to find and there have been plenty of such discussions in the past on this very forum.

Some men are able to go without sex. Some women are able to go without sex. Stop pretending that you're the way you are because you're a man. You're the way you are because... it's the way you are. Nothing wrong with that, but you shouldn't expect anyone to automatically know anything about you, and that includes your tolerance for going without sex.[/quote]

Perhaps there are a handful of men who CAN go without sex. Perhaps there are a handful of women who can NOT go without sex.
The existence of a small fractional percentage of outliers does not really change this discussion, which applies the exact same whether a man or woman.[/quote]

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