Reply to If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?

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Reply to "If your spouse lost all interest in sex, could you stay married?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before we got married, I made it clear that intimacy is a critical factor for my happiness. She said, "me, too."

For years we enjoyed a healthy sex life, even after having children. But then the frequency waned. Then her interest waned. And now we're in a desert.

I've always taken on more of the HH chores - 100% of laundry for 5 member HH, shared groceries, most of the cleaning, shared cooking, as well as full-time "grounds keeper". So she's not swamped with work. I adore and spend a lot of quality time with our children. I do all of this because I want to and I care for my family; not as a down-payment for sex.

I'm early 50s and live a relatively healthy lifestyle - no drinking/smoking and an avid runner - most days I can still see my 6-pack. I have a great job and bring in a respectable income.

I have tried talking with her. Tried spicing things up. Date nights and planned get-aways. We went to counseling. Still, desert. Absolutely dead.

I love her very much and over the years I've resisted temptation. However, it wasn't always easy to walk away. And sometimes, when things are particularly difficult, I regret those decisions.

I understand that she no longer wishes to be intimate. It's her body and that is obviously her right. I get it. I don't beat her up about it. I don't engage the conversation anymore. I still do my part for our family. I know my wife is happy.

But a lot of times I feel dead inside. I can't trick my mind and body into thinking I don't need intimacy. I feel unloved and betrayed. I honestly don't know what to do.

And yeah, I realize this post sounds pathetic. 
[/quote]

You sound like a good guy.  Just don’t cheat.  Go to sex counselor and let her know it’s required.  You have something that you can work with.[/quote]
It is NOT cheating when a man in sexless marriage saves his marriage by meeting his normal/legitimate needs elsewhere. Stop calling it that.[/quote]

It IS cheating if they don't talk about it first.[/quote]

That’s a 5 second conversation. Nice to have (as a courtesy) but not essential.[/quote]

Not essential if you're cool with cheating. Essential if you're a decent human being.[/quote]
Not cheating. Any sexless wife ABSOLUTELY KNOWS that a normal man has needs and if she's not interested that his is meeting that need elsewhere. And she should be [u]gratefull[/u] for that because it has saved her from divorce.
[b]The conversation is totally redundant, and therefore, optional[/b].[/quote]

LOL. Love your "logic".  Yeah, the only ones who think that are dudes who want to cheat but who are too chickenshit (or lazy) to have a conversation about that with their wives.

Alexa, define self-serving.[/quote]

Well, if I got the "By the way, I am unilaterally deciding to open up our marriage" drive-by conversation from my spouse, it would not be redundant, because it would immediately trigger a call to a divorce lawyer.  I am not opposed to an open marriage, and have even proposed opening up relationships in the past, but I am opposed to one partner being married to a colossal d-bag.  [/quote]

D-bag above clearly knows this and that's why he's cheating without ever having the conversation. He's convinced himself that he's a hero and saving the marriage,  and she "should know" that he's cheating, when in fact he knows perfectly well that his wife would dump his ass the moment she found out.

Some people's devotion to self-deception is truly epic. He's probably a narcissist -- they're always the heroes of their own stories, whether reality agrees or not. Nothing's ever their fault and nothing ever demands effort or sacrifice from them.[/quote]

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