SAHMs, how did you decide when or if to go back to work

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I went back to full time work this year, kids are 11 and 9. I didn’t need to financially, just thought it would Be nice to have something for myself, have something to do other than volunteer, exercise and watch tv. I worked part time previously and thought it made sense to go back to full time work

Here’s what happened. Work sucks. My co workers are lame, there is no flexibility. I am punishing myself with this stupid job for no reason. Almost a year in and I’m counting the days until I can quit. Literally.

Maybe there is some magic job out there where it’s more value add than value take, but this one isn’t it.

This is what the worry about. Work has always sucked ime

+1, that's how I remember it which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.

The thing is if you stay in the workforce you EARN flexibility, you build up vacation time, you work your way up and have work to do that you enjoy (whatever that means to you...the substance of the work, more or less responsibility, etc.), you build relationships and gravitate to co-workers you enjoy, you contribute something of value and are seen as someone who brings value which circles back to earning flexibility.

But no, you're not going to come back to the workforce after 5-10+ years out and step into a great situation. Which is why I'd think twice about quitting in the first place.

I think it's short sighted

Ding ding ding

This is exactly it. SAHMs never understand this because they either a) left the workforce when they were too junior to have flexibility/seniority/etc or b) listen to their workaholic husbands who never step away from their desks.

Eh- I was in sales before, left at 31 to raise my kids for a decade and am killing it in sales again at 44. I work from home. It may not be the norm but it’s my reality. I will clear over $360k this year.

Wow, that's awesome! Good for you! What kind of sales if you don't mind me asking?

Yeah, please share this industry where we can return to work. I'm very personable and friendly, good with numbers, and have a technical background -- this would be a great place to return to work without having to return to an office setting all the time

And you get over 350K/yr to boot. Now that's some serious spending money!

[Anonymous]

We have a similar HHI and similar ages of children. I don’t have any help (nanny, house cleaner, etc.), so keeping up the house to my standard does take a lot of work and time. And to be honest, with my preschooler, I can’t get it all done. But close enough. When preschooler is in full time school, I plan to get a better a handle on the household, better meals made, more organized. I also plan to not wake up at 5 am to get a workout in.

I would never consider returning to work full time. My career is not possible to recreate. I was active military in a specialty niche and I adored what I did. While it does translate to civilian work, it isn’t a comparable experience and I don’t find it nearly as satisfying. Plus my husband’s career is so demanding, it would be very hard for me to also have one.

We don’t live in DC anymore, but we do live in an urban area where there is a lot of need for community volunteering. I plan to do good where I can with volunteering after I get all the needs of our family met.

If I were you OP I wouldn’t get a full time job just to have one. You don’t need the money. If you find something you would love and the schedule works, great. But if not, search out what you love, be it volunteering, hobby, or part time job of interest and stick with that.

[Anonymous]

I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

Sure working is that great. But what’s worse? Not doing ANYTHING

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

I am one of those WOH parents who loves my job. I do appreciate how rare that is. My DH also makes enough money that mine is just bonus, even though I make a good income.

I actually think a lot of volunteering is pretty boring. I work in the nonprofit sector and I don’t know any volunteers who get “good” assignments - that’s why you have staff. Volunteers are not necessarily reliable, so why would you give those to them?. For boards, you are expected to bring $$ or skills, but typically $$. Granted, my nonprofit field doesn’t provide direct services, but I have volunteered at those, and you start off doing lots of boring work, which is meaningful because it serves a purpose.

I am also surprised at how much people want to do PTA stuff, which is largely boring organizational work. I think getting involved in the school community is a benefit, but I don’t think the tasks are a selling point.

If I were to stay at home I would be tempted by the opportunity to pursue my own interests/development. I don’t understand how volunteer work is less drudgery than paid work.

[Anonymous]

I was a well off SAHM to 3 little kids and lasted 1.5 years at home. I missed work too much. In the future, I’d like to take a year off here and there while the kids are still home, and I don’t envision working FT for a long time. But for my mental health I need to work most days of the week and be around adults.

I was lucky to get the job I did going back, and if I do it well it should keep me in job opportunities for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

I live in a very wealthy area of SAHMs. I'd say about 80 percent of them returned to work when their youngest hit K/1st grade. PR, dentist, ER pediatrician, lawyer, special ed teacher, preK teacher, realtor - those are just the ones off the top of my head. Almost none of them returned full time though, their choice. Most work a few days a week max. A couple became part time fitness instructors (very few hours, just for fun). The other 20 percent keep busy with volunteer work, elderly parents, PTA type stuff.

[Anonymous]

WHY?

You don’t need the money because your husband earns more than enough.

If you go back to work, it will be a menial, low paying numbers job that doesn’t add value to the world (it’s not like you’re doing social justice work, teaching, etc.).

So, what’s the point?

Are you bored? I’m sure you can find some meaningful volunteer work or a new hobby.

Are you worried your DH might leave? Are you worried you need your own money? That’s a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

I am one of those WOH parents who loves my job. I do appreciate how rare that is. My DH also makes enough money that mine is just bonus, even though I make a good income.

I actually think a lot of volunteering is pretty boring. I work in the nonprofit sector and I don’t know any volunteers who get “good” assignments - that’s why you have staff. Volunteers are not necessarily reliable, so why would you give those to them?. For boards, you are expected to bring $$ or skills, but typically $$. Granted, my nonprofit field doesn’t provide direct services, but I have volunteered at those, and you start off doing lots of boring work, which is meaningful because it serves a purpose.

I am also surprised at how much people want to do PTA stuff, which is largely boring organizational work. I think getting involved in the school community is a benefit, but I don’t think the tasks are a selling point.

If I were to stay at home I would be tempted by the opportunity to pursue my own interests/development. I don’t understand how volunteer work is less drudgery than paid work.

.

I volunteer in my kid’s art classroom and library. I also a docent at a local museum. It’s not for everyone but it’s not drudgery either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

Sure working is that great. But what’s worse? Not doing ANYTHING

? I don’t understand this comment. Even retired people do stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

Sure working is that great. But what’s worse? Not doing ANYTHING

? I don’t understand this comment. Even retired people do stuff.

Actually most retired people do NOT do anything active or intellectually stimulating. Most watch a large amount of TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

OMG THIS is to TRUE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always laugh when the working moms on here start on this conversation. I think there probably is a poster or two on here who does genuinely like their work. However, I’m not sure how they haven’t realized that in itself is unusual.

A recent Gallup poll found that the vast majority of the labor force - 85% - are not engaged with their jobs. They work for money, not meaning.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/ideas.bkconnection.com/10-startling-employee-engagement-and-statistics%3fhs_amp=true

Sure working is that great. But what’s worse? Not doing ANYTHING

? I don’t understand this comment. Even retired people do stuff.

Actually most retired people do NOT do anything active or intellectually stimulating. Most watch a large amount of TV.

do you know any retired people? My dad golfs and does wood working projects all day. My mom gardens and potters. They never watch tv.

[Anonymous]

DCUM workaholics remind me so much of these articles

Workism Is Making Americans Miserable:

For the college-educated elite, work has morphed into a religious identity—promising transcendence and community, but failing to deliver.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/

https://www.theatlantic.com/letters/archive/2019/03/readers-respond-workism-is-making-americans-miserable/584377/


How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work

[Anonymous]

I roll my eyes at the comments that seniority brings flexibility. Not at those non mommy tracked high powered jobs. My first job in finance the senior women partners went home for two hours to tuck their kids in and then back out to wine and dine clients. Staying up till midnight or one and then waking up at five again. My second job in consulting all the partners flew all over the place. Interesting how the senior women quit after awhile. In big law if you are not selling as a partner you are kaput. I know male partners away from home two weeks at a time.

So either you are in a shitty mommy tracked job if you want to see your kids at all or you are in a job that’s not exactly bringing in the dough and have some drudgery. So don’t pretend that you are so much better than SAHMs.