Unfair monetary treatment between me and step-siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That man did not raise her nor adopt her, so why is she expecting to get the financial perks of being his offspring when she isn't? He married her mom and that is all.

...and her mom is doing the emotional work of researching and buying his daughters gifts. If the dad was actually picking out presents for his bio daughters, it would be cleaner emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the gift card from just your mom or “from Mom and Stepdad”? If from both it is very rude to hand you a $75 gift to share with your DH while siblings open up $1000+ gifts. How awkward. I can’t believe your mom just sits there and is fine with this.

You need to read the thread more closely. OP has stated that it's her stepdad's money but "it wouldn't hurt for him to treat her the same financially". So it's clear that she feels entitled to his money but without good reason. People like the OP are the reason why we withhold gifting our biograndkids just because we also dont want to give anything to the non-bio grandkids. I don't know where this bizarre entitlement comes from but as it exists, as shown by OP.

You don’t give your grandchildren any presents? At all? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it’s the age thing. See what happens when your step-sisters become financially independent. It’s not fair to compare.

And I will say, as someone who has stepkids, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

You have your own family now, let this go. Why can’t you just love your mom and be happy she’s in your life?

When the stepsisters become financially independent and get married, their children will be lavished with gifts. This will be like rubbing salt in a wound. It’s one thing to get treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild, it’s a hundred times worse to see your children treated that way.

I think OP has to mourn being part of a Family. She lost her family when her dad died. Her mom moved on to the stepdad’s family and prioritizes those children. It’s a really painful situation. The only grandparents her children will have don’t really value them.

OP needs to grow up. So do you.

You need to hope you never face a loss of your parents. Anyone who has knows how wrong you are and how right that other person is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

Do you think Queen E treats Camilla's kids the same way she treats Will and Harry? I highly doubt Camilla's kids get the same kind of stuff from the royal family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

That is a total reach to say she is an orphan just because her mom picks out nice gifts for her stepsisters. The dynamics is such that OP does not have a relationship with her mom's husband. She got a $75 gift card and yet she still complains. It wasn't like nothing. I get the impression that the OP just drives herself upset by constant comparison with her stepsisters. Was the stepdad obliged to pay for her college too, since he's probably paying for his daughters based on OP's logic? I'm sure one more college bill wouldn't hurt his net worth but it's the principle. She's not his daughter. His money isn't his wife's money to spend on her bio daughter (OP). And so OP's mom does the smart thing to ingratiate herself with his daughters and help with gifting. OP needs to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

That is a total reach to say she is an orphan just because her mom picks out nice gifts for her stepsisters. The dynamics is such that OP does not have a relationship with her mom's husband. She got a $75 gift card and yet she still complains. It wasn't like nothing. I get the impression that the OP just drives herself upset by constant comparison with her stepsisters. Was the stepdad obliged to pay for her college too, since he's probably paying for his daughters based on OP's logic? I'm sure one more college bill wouldn't hurt his net worth but it's the principle. She's not his daughter. His money isn't his wife's money to spend on her bio daughter (OP). And so OP's mom does the smart thing to ingratiate herself with his daughters and help with gifting. OP needs to deal.

I agree with this. But OP’s mother is rude to talk about the gifts/experiences given to the step-sisters. It’s always rude to brag about spending money. I think OP should tell her mother that she doesn’t want to hear about the extravagant gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

That is a total reach to say she is an orphan just because her mom picks out nice gifts for her stepsisters. The dynamics is such that OP does not have a relationship with her mom's husband. She got a $75 gift card and yet she still complains. It wasn't like nothing. I get the impression that the OP just drives herself upset by constant comparison with her stepsisters. Was the stepdad obliged to pay for her college too, since he's probably paying for his daughters based on OP's logic? I'm sure one more college bill wouldn't hurt his net worth but it's the principle. She's not his daughter. His money isn't his wife's money to spend on her bio daughter (OP). And so OP's mom does the smart thing to ingratiate herself with his daughters and help with gifting. OP needs to deal.

I agree with this. But OP’s mother is rude to talk about the gifts/experiences given to the step-sisters. It’s always rude to brag about spending money. I think OP should tell her mother that she doesn’t want to hear about the extravagant gifts.

OP's mother may not realize the daughter is bothered. She may think they're close enough that she can talk frankly and openly without any issues of jealousy coming up. I can totally see how this situation can be interpreted differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it’s the age thing. See what happens when your step-sisters become financially independent. It’s not fair to compare.

And I will say, as someone who has stepkids, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

You have your own family now, let this go. Why can’t you just love your mom and be happy she’s in your life?

When the stepsisters become financially independent and get married, their children will be lavished with gifts. This will be like rubbing salt in a wound. It’s one thing to get treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild, it’s a hundred times worse to see your children treated that way.

I think OP has to mourn being part of a Family. She lost her family when her dad died. Her mom moved on to the stepdad’s family and prioritizes those children. It’s a really painful situation. The only grandparents her children will have don’t really value them.

OP needs to grow up. So do you.

You need to hope you never face a loss of your parents. Anyone who has knows how wrong you are and how right that other person is.

You are projecting a lot. Quite a lot. Which is why I suspect you're somewhat emotionally unstable and living in a fantasy land of how families must always behave.

OP's mom remarried when OP was an adult. It sounds like OP never lived with this man in any meaningful way. He's not really her stepdad insomuch as her mom's second husband.

[Anonymous]

This is one loooong thread...
Can I just say that if my teenaged child and I suffered a horrible loss of her father/my husband, and I remarried and became a step-mom, I would do everything possible to make my daughter feel like she didn’t lose her only surviving parent in the process. Doesn’t matter how old my child is, or if she’s married with kids...I guarantee the step-dad’s kids and grandkids will get so much more than OP.. Shame on the step dad for not being more inclusive, and shame on your mom for neglecting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

That is a total reach to say she is an orphan just because her mom picks out nice gifts for her stepsisters. The dynamics is such that OP does not have a relationship with her mom's husband. She got a $75 gift card and yet she still complains. It wasn't like nothing. I get the impression that the OP just drives herself upset by constant comparison with her stepsisters. Was the stepdad obliged to pay for her college too, since he's probably paying for his daughters based on OP's logic? I'm sure one more college bill wouldn't hurt his net worth but it's the principle. She's not his daughter. His money isn't his wife's money to spend on her bio daughter (OP). And so OP's mom does the smart thing to ingratiate herself with his daughters and help with gifting. OP needs to deal.

I agree with this. But OP’s mother is rude to talk about the gifts/experiences given to the step-sisters. It’s always rude to brag about spending money. I think OP should tell her mother that she doesn’t want to hear about the extravagant gifts.

OP's mother may not realize the daughter is bothered. She may think they're close enough that she can talk frankly and openly without any issues of jealousy coming up. I can totally see how this situation can be interpreted differently.

How can a mom of a child who lost her dad as a teen not be more aware?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one loooong thread...
Can I just say that if my teenaged child and I suffered a horrible loss of her father/my husband, and I remarried and became a step-mom, I would do everything possible to make my daughter feel like she didn’t lose her only surviving parent in the process. Doesn’t matter how old my child is, or if she’s married with kids...I guarantee the step-dad’s kids and grandkids will get so much more than OP.. Shame on the step dad for not being more inclusive, and shame on your mom for neglecting you.

I'm sure you're the same crazy bird who keeps posting the same post over and over again, ranting shame and horrible towards people you've never met and know nothing about.

I'm a grown up. I don't need or want to get expensive gifts because I'm financially independent and can treat myself thank you very much. I'd have no problems with younger siblings still in college or their early 20s getting new laptops or expensive clothes. They need it more than I do. We're well off and $75 is perfectly fine as a gift for an adult who can fend for herself.

If my father died and my mother remarried, that's great for her and I'd hope to have a good relationship with him but he would never ever become a substitute for my father nor would he be anything more than my mother's husband. As an adult I don't need a stepdad. And I wouldn't be bothered if he spent more money on gifts for his own children than on me. Especially children that are a lot younger than me and in a different place in life than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

Do you think Queen E treats Camilla's kids the same way she treats Will and Harry? I highly doubt Camilla's kids get the same kind of stuff from the royal family.

Wrong analogy. It would as if [/i]Camilla[i] dissed her own children and paid more attention to Charles' children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing when your mom and stepdad are equal earners, but especially when you acknowledge that it’s his money.... I’m not sure what you were expecting. You’re not his kid, you never saw him as a father, and you’re an adult who is apparently capable of looking after yourself and your family.

You can ask to not hear about their gifts though. And you can stop spending time thinking about what to gift them.

They’re definitely not equal earners, but I can tell you this much, it wouldn’t hurt him financially to treat me the same. I just wish my own mom wasn’t so excited to brag about how wonderfully she/they treat her stepkids.

Found it! Grown person with children upset that her stepfather's children get pricier gifts than they do.

That doesn’t mean she thinks she deserves the same. But if there is no financial reason for the discrepancy it is obviously about the relationship. Stepsisters have a dad who loves and spoils them financially and a step-mom who devotes lots of time and energy to planning these excursions and gifts.

OP gets an after-thought gift card and nothing else. She has no parents anymore. And the difference is not cause by money but by people with everything who just don’t care enough to even think of including her.

Do you think Queen E treats Camilla's kids the same way she treats Will and Harry? I highly doubt Camilla's kids get the same kind of stuff from the royal family.

Camilla's kids are not children.

That non bio grandma is talking about kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it’s the age thing. See what happens when your step-sisters become financially independent. It’s not fair to compare.

And I will say, as someone who has stepkids, you can’t please everyone, no matter how hard you try.

You have your own family now, let this go. Why can’t you just love your mom and be happy she’s in your life?

When the stepsisters become financially independent and get married, their children will be lavished with gifts. This will be like rubbing salt in a wound. It’s one thing to get treated like the proverbial red-headed stepchild, it’s a hundred times worse to see your children treated that way.

I think OP has to mourn being part of a Family. She lost her family when her dad died. Her mom moved on to the stepdad’s family and prioritizes those children. It’s a really painful situation. The only grandparents her children will have don’t really value them.

OP needs to grow up. So do you.

You need to hope you never face a loss of your parents. Anyone who has knows how wrong you are and how right that other person is.

You are projecting a lot. Quite a lot. Which is why I suspect you're somewhat emotionally unstable and living in a fantasy land of how families must always behave.

OP's mom remarried when OP was an adult. It sounds like OP never lived with this man in any meaningful way. He's not really her stepdad insomuch as her mom's second husband.

I think you are projecting.

You must be a step mom or non-bio grandma.

This is not about step dad.

This is about mom, and losing her dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one loooong thread...
Can I just say that if my teenaged child and I suffered a horrible loss of her father/my husband, and I remarried and became a step-mom, I would do everything possible to make my daughter feel like she didn’t lose her only surviving parent in the process. Doesn’t matter how old my child is, or if she’s married with kids...I guarantee the step-dad’s kids and grandkids will get so much more than OP.. Shame on the step dad for not being more inclusive, and shame on your mom for neglecting you.

I'm sure you're the same crazy bird who keeps posting the same post over and over again, ranting shame and horrible towards people you've never met and know nothing about.

I'm a grown up. I don't need or want to get expensive gifts because I'm financially independent and can treat myself thank you very much. I'd have no problems with younger siblings still in college or their early 20s getting new laptops or expensive clothes. They need it more than I do. We're well off and $75 is perfectly fine as a gift for an adult who can fend for herself.

If my father died and my mother remarried, that's great for her and I'd hope to have a good relationship with him but he would never ever become a substitute for my father nor would he be anything more than my mother's husband. As an adult I don't need a stepdad. And I wouldn't be bothered if he spent more money on gifts for his own children than on me. Especially children that are a lot younger than me and in a different place in life than I am.

So you don't know what you are talking about.

Several posters have mentioned that this is about her dad dying and her losing her mom to a different family.

Because, you know, many of us have lost parents, either through death or divorce, and we can see clearly what your smugness and lack of life perspective prevents you from seeing.