Wife wants to move from city to small hometown, I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. Last night I talked to my wife and suggested the second home as a compromise, and then we can see how we like it. She didn't exactly jump up and down at the idea. At least I'm trying. I saw my therapist today who suggested we need to talk about it more and find out what's really keeping her unhappy, because happiness can't be found outside the mind. He said to not do *anything* for 6 months.

Well yeah of course. The issue is not where you live. In fact, you could move back next week and for a short while that euphoria would help your wife feel better. But it would soon wear off, and she would just be unhappy again. The issue isn’t location and your wife isn’t speciall. Lots of women with young children especially those who stay home all day with them struggle for years. It just isn’t always as fun and glamorous as advertised.

[Anonymous]

Staying at home with young children is not glamorous. And anyone who claims that it is, is getting A LOT of additional help in the form of part time nannies, girls' vacations away, etc.

Being a full time at home mom is rewarding but it is not easy. And it can be extraordinarily isolating if you have a lack of social support. Just having a friend with you at the playground who can watch the kids for you while you run back to the car to get something is so invaluable. Doing it all alone, every day would be really hard.

[Anonymous]

Also I think OP you have to step back and really revisit the beginning of your relationship. She was coming from a very small town and there wasn’t a lot of options likely left relationship wise. At the time, she probably felt your were her only chance to get married and have a family. Now time has passed and she has met lots more people, been exposed to lots of new people, ideas, nicer guys, etc and may now feel like she settled and really missed out but now with 3 kids she can’t do anything to change her situation. She might feel that moving back home will help her feel satisfied were her lot in life as it is. Your mistake OP is not realizing that she too might have simply settled for you and that you both are not at the same place. Stuck with someone who is ok but that you aren’t in love with and never were. No doubt that you love each other and since you have kids, it would be best to keep working with a therapist to build up the relationship you have.

[Anonymous]

Don’t mean to sound harsh but sounds like the wife laid out a few nice traps for the OP. OP fell for it originally and is about to really fall for it now by moving to some rural area where he knows no one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is her hometown still only three hours away? How often do you visit? Is there a way you could visit more often, either as a family or her alone?

No, in the intervening years her small hometown up and moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://youtu.be/AsiLfAm765Y

Link to SATC scene where Big acts just like the OP.

PS - Carrie's dress is totes adorbz.

Oh my god. You biddies who continually refer to a television show as some sort of model for real life need to get a grip. These continued comparisons make you seem ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Page 1 calling it a bait and switch nailed it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t mean to sound harsh but sounds like the wife laid out a few nice traps for the OP. OP fell for it originally and is about to really fall for it now by moving to some rural area where he knows no one.

Good grief. This wasn't a ONS where this woman got Op drunk in a purposeful attempt to seduce him and get pregnant by him. She knew Op for years, they had a friendship that led to something more. Then they got married with eyes wide open about each other. Nobody tricked anyone. Get over that notion.

Op told her point blank that he wouldn't consider moving to her hometown. She decided to stick with him in spite of that. She told Op that she wanted to marry and become a SAHM - Op agreed to that. Now that they have 3 kids and she has her hands full she would love to be closer to her family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Op - I hope you don't talk about your wife around your friends/colleagues the way that you talk about her here on DCUM. Because you make her sound like an opportunistic gold digger who trapped you into marrying her. That isn't nice and no wonder she is feeling alone, isolated and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t mean to sound harsh but sounds like the wife laid out a few nice traps for the OP. OP fell for it originally and is about to really fall for it now by moving to some rural area where he knows no one.

Good grief. This wasn't a ONS where this woman got Op drunk in a purposeful attempt to seduce him and get pregnant by him. She knew Op for years, they had a friendship that led to something more. Then they got married with eyes wide open about each other. Nobody tricked anyone. Get over that notion.

Op told her point blank that he wouldn't consider moving to her hometown. She decided to stick with him in spite of that. She told Op that she wanted to marry and become a SAHM - Op agreed to that. Now that they have 3 kids and she has her hands full she would love to be closer to her family and friends.

Yep she took advantage of him. He could have found a woman who would be happy with the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t mean to sound harsh but sounds like the wife laid out a few nice traps for the OP. OP fell for it originally and is about to really fall for it now by moving to some rural area where he knows no one.

Good grief. This wasn't a ONS where this woman got Op drunk in a purposeful attempt to seduce him and get pregnant by him. She knew Op for years, they had a friendship that led to something more. Then they got married with eyes wide open about each other. Nobody tricked anyone. Get over that notion.

Op told her point blank that he wouldn't consider moving to her hometown. She decided to stick with him in spite of that. She told Op that she wanted to marry and become a SAHM - Op agreed to that. Now that they have 3 kids and she has her hands full she would love to be closer to her family and friends.

Yep she took advantage of him. He could have found a woman who would be happy with the money.

Well, Op should have held out for a real life gold digger instead of some random biotch who craves human interaction and moral support. Buyer's remorse doesn't = faulty product.

[Anonymous]

What!?! Of course, unhappiness can be found outside the mind. Your therapist is a quack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What!?! Of course, unhappiness can be found outside the mind. Your therapist is a quack.

An otherwise happy person can absolutely be made to feel miserable by outside sources. Unhappiness can absolutely be situational and can improve a great deal with a change of scene.

Maybe that's what the therapist is saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP update. Last night I talked to my wife and suggested the second home as a compromise, and then we can see how we like it. She didn't exactly jump up and down at the idea. At least I'm trying. I saw my therapist today who suggested we need to talk about it more and find out what's really keeping her unhappy, because happiness can't be found outside the mind. He said to not do *anything* for 6 months.

You sound like a narcissist. A man seeing a therapist. You think your wife tricked you into marriage. Everything is about you. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did you marry this woman or did you sign a contractual business agreement with her. Is she your wife or a rather ungrateful and difficult employee?

Op, your wife needs to move with the children to be closer to her family. If you want to go with them then figure out a town that is closer to her hometown. If you really don't want to be married than you need to discuss that with your wife, too.

You sound truly conflicted. I hope things get better.

She doesn't need to move to be closer to her family, she wants to move. What kind of woman fails to build support networks in a big city over 10+ years? There's all kinds of opportunities out there with preschool parents and others in similar circumstances. And with OP's income level, she can certainly afford help so enough with the kvetching about being chained to the diaper bag.