Wife wants to move from city to small hometown, I don't

[Anonymous]

Team Wife. It sounds like she never really wanted to be a city girl but the other option was losing you. Which apparently might not have been so bad, because you sound like a selfish ass. I might be biased as I’m from and currently live in a small town, but small town life can be wonderful. I love it. I’ve lived just outside of NYC and I’ve lived in a mid sized capital city in the South, and always wanted to and went back to the small town I’m from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Could you get a weekend home in the larger town half way between?

I wonder what her fantasy is of how life would be if she moved "home" though. Does she think she'd get childcare help from her family? Are her parents getting up in age and want her help and she wants to help them? Does she have anxiety about using mass transit at night where you are now? Does she secretly feel insecure in the city among very accomplished people and think she'll feel better about herself in a small town? These are all issues to explore before moving back there.

I wish you'd posted in the winter - I would have suggested getting a summer house to see how that goes.

It's a good question, and I wonder if we did just try it to so she could see that actually her family live their own lives and she won't be seeing them like we do when we're up there visiting.

She has acknowledged herself that she might find it's not what she was expecting and she may want to come back. She did suggest we keep our current house just in case of that - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

Wow. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?

[Anonymous]

^^^ she is probably just saying that to try to get you to budge at least a little bit. Which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

You are way out of line. This women knew she didn't want to live in the city, classic bait and switch.

Bottom line: he loves the city more than he loves her.

Even Miranda was willing to move to Brooklyn for her spouse...and let's face it, she was pretty flipping selfish.

This guy simply doesn't care about his wife enough to entertain the possibility. Instead, he brings up his version of facts from years ago. Guess what, Bucko? Life happens, things change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

I'm trying to find a compromise; I'm not saying my happiness is more important than hers.

But we have established our lives here, so it's not just a case of me saying "sure honey, let's change EVERYTHING so you'll feel happier" - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Bottom line: he loves the city more than he loves her.

Or how about I have my OWN family in the city and I don't want to move away from them?

I also have my business activities in the city which is how we earn our living. - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

You are way out of line. This women knew she didn't want to live in the city, classic bait and switch.

Bottom line: he loves the city more than he loves her.

Even Miranda was willing to move to Brooklyn for her spouse...and let's face it, she was pretty flipping selfish.

This guy simply doesn't care about his wife enough to entertain the possibility. Instead, he brings up his version of facts from years ago. Guess what, Bucko? Life happens, things change.

Nothing changed. She was just hoping he'd forget what she said and he didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

Wow. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?

Nobody. I'm happily married to a great guy who cares about my happiness.

I posted that because I've had to listen to several divorced people cry when their ex quickly moves on...to a better partner, a better house, better lifestyle, etc. My go to advice when people are contemplating separation is, "How will you feel when s/he has a great new partner and takes the kids to Cabo for Christmas while you're home alone? You should probably think about that before making any sudden moves."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bottom line: he loves the city more than he loves her.

Or how about I have my OWN family in the city and I don't want to move away from them?

I also have my business activities in the city which is how we earn our living. - OP

Again with the navel-gazing selfishness!

Yes, you have a family...and so does she. And you've been around your family for decades. She sacrificed her family to be with you. And you can't throw her a bone and discuss the possibility of making a change?

Ridiculous.

But I do blame her for marrying you in the first place. Women should be smarter and choose partners who aren't so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I posted that because I've had to listen to several divorced people cry when their ex quickly moves on...to a better partner, a better house, better lifestyle, etc. My go to advice when people are contemplating separation is, "How will you feel when s/he has a great new partner and takes the kids to Cabo for Christmas while you're home alone? You should probably think about that before making any sudden moves."

I'm not considering separation. I love my wife and we have a great life together. This is just an issue that keeps coming up for her. I'm not saying "NO" which is why I'm on here asking for people's advice. - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sacrificed her family to be with you.

To be fair, she didn't make any sacrifices to be in the city. She chose to move here shortly after we met. I never asked her to move here - OP

[Anonymous]

Here's the compromise: two homes. You sound like the kind of guy who would love to have some alone time in the city "for business."

Start slowly: rent a place in the small town for the summer, and see how it goes. If the wife and kids love it, then downsize the city place so you can afford two homes. Run off to the city whenever you feel the need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bottom line: he loves the city more than he loves her.

Or how about I have my OWN family in the city and I don't want to move away from them?

I also have my business activities in the city which is how we earn our living. - OP

Funny how this is the first post you mention your family, after so many people are disagreeing with you. And you first mentioned you’re not “tied” to the business in the city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sacrificed her family to be with you.

To be fair, she didn't make any sacrifices to be in the city. She chose to move here shortly after we met. I never asked her to move here - OP

Wow. You’re a d*ck.