Wife wants to move from city to small hometown, I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sacrificed her family to be with you.

To be fair, she didn't make any sacrifices to be in the city. She chose to move here shortly after we met. I never asked her to move here - OP

Dude, those comments make you look like an asshat. Truly.

Go watch the episode of SATC when Big says the exact same thing to SJP when she contemplates following him to Paris.

So by your own admission, you had zero interest in your wife until she wore you down and you had no other options? So you basically settled, and you feel like you did her a big favor?

Again: go read your first few paragraphs. Read how you describe your wife and your relationship. It's heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people want to make their spouse happy (and that's the "no duh" secret to a happy marriage). Apparently you don't. You simply want your spouse to make you happy. That's the definition of selfish.

No need to move, op. I'm sure she'll reach her breaking point, file for custody, and take the kids. Then I'm sure you will be back here kvetching about paying child support...and complaining about dating. I wonder how you'll feel when your kids complain about visiting you in the city...and when they start calling some other guy "Dad."

Yeah right...because dating choices are just overwhelming for a non-working mother of three in a town of eight thousand people. Sure. It's more like the kids will dread going back and ask mom - why did you take us to this dump when we could have stayed in a big city with dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny how this is the first post you mention your family, after so many people are disagreeing with you. And you first mentioned you’re not “tied” to the business in the city.

In my original post I said my parents are here.

And I'm not tied to the city, as in I don't have an office building with employees, but I have a new business now that requires my presence from time to time - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So by your own admission, you had zero interest in your wife until she wore you down and you had no other options? So you basically settled, and you feel like you did her a big favor?

No, I said our friendship developed into a relationship. There was no wearing down of anybody. I'm a big boy and can make decisions for myself - OP

[Anonymous]

Team OP. He's been very clear about who he is and what he wants this whole time. His wife likely thought she could change into a city person and she couldn't. That's not anyone's fault, least of all OP's, but he has been very clear and honest from the start.

OP, would your wife consider therapy? The old saying 'you can't go home again' is true, and maybe she's searching more for a feeling or something else that wouldn't even be satisfied with a move. It's worth examining before uprooting your lives.

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/AsiLfAm765Y

Link to SATC scene where Big acts just like the OP.

PS - Carrie's dress is totes adorbz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. He's been very clear about who he is and what he wants this whole time. His wife likely thought she could change into a city person and she couldn't. That's not anyone's fault, least of all OP's, but he has been very clear and honest from the start.

OP, would your wife consider therapy? The old saying 'you can't go home again' is true, and maybe she's searching more for a feeling or something else that wouldn't even be satisfied with a move. It's worth examining before uprooting your lives.

Thank you, yes, she would be open to it and I've suggested it to her. I think I should arrange it so someone can help us professionally with this choice. - OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://youtu.be/AsiLfAm765Y

Link to SATC scene where Big acts just like the OP.

PS - Carrie's dress is totes adorbz.

Yeah thanks for that.

Her "You said that you loved me."
Him "I do"

It was a similar scene except my then non-wife told me ONE WEEK after we met that she was moving to the city. We barely knew each other.

[Anonymous]

Do yo have any reaction at all to the fact that the way you describe your wife has led to people calling her a liar? Is that what you are trying to project here? That she baited you and is now 8 years after kids trying to switch you?

Personally I relate to your situation. I am west coast and dh is east. A choice needed to be made. I am the one who gave up my dream of ever moving back. It was heartbreaking at the time and I am still heartbroken. My kids don’t know my side of the family like they do dh’s. He felt bad about it for my sake but he moved on the minute the decision was made. I think about it constantly even to this day, 10 years later. I made a decision not to mope about it in front of him because he would just get pissed. But it feels like a death. Still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://youtu.be/AsiLfAm765Y

Link to SATC scene where Big acts just like the OP.

PS - Carrie's dress is totes adorbz.

Yeah thanks for that.

Her "You said that you loved me."
Him "I do"

It was a similar scene except my then non-wife told me ONE WEEK after we met that she was moving to the city. We barely knew each other.

Pretty sure he ended up meeting someone else in Paris...and then married her.

Re: lining up a therapist for your wife - you know that you can't pay a therapist to tell your wife to do what you want, right? Just checking.

[Anonymous]

OP's wife is typical of women who get married but their husband does not become their family, instead they cling to their roots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://youtu.be/AsiLfAm765Y

Link to SATC scene where Big acts just like the OP.

PS - Carrie's dress is totes adorbz.

Carrie was nuts and waited 10 years for a man who left her standing at the alter. This is your big idol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do yo have any reaction at all to the fact that the way you describe your wife has led to people calling her a liar? Is that what you are trying to project here? That she baited you and is now 8 years after kids trying to switch you?

Personally I relate to your situation. I am west coast and dh is east. A choice needed to be made. I am the one who gave up my dream of ever moving back. It was heartbreaking at the time and I am still heartbroken. My kids don’t know my side of the family like they do dh’s. He felt bad about it for my sake but he moved on the minute the decision was made. I think about it constantly even to this day, 10 years later. I made a decision not to mope about it in front of him because he would just get pissed. But it feels like a death. Still.

I don't think it's at all to call her a liar. I even said in OP that I understand people change. I'm not here look for reinforcement of my story, I just laid out the facts, what's being asked, and how I feel about it. I'm asking for help.

So are you and your husband living on different sides of the country? And if so, are you still married? - OP

[Anonymous]

I would bet a lot of money this is a post by that whacked out chick who makes up long, convoluted issues just to see how many pages of comments she can get.

One clue: No actual man would watch a scene from SATC to see if his real-life situation was similar. Not happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do yo have any reaction at all to the fact that the way you describe your wife has led to people calling her a liar? Is that what you are trying to project here? That she baited you and is now 8 years after kids trying to switch you?

Personally I relate to your situation. I am west coast and dh is east. A choice needed to be made. I am the one who gave up my dream of ever moving back. It was heartbreaking at the time and I am still heartbroken. My kids don’t know my side of the family like they do dh’s. He felt bad about it for my sake but he moved on the minute the decision was made. I think about it constantly even to this day, 10 years later. I made a decision not to mope about it in front of him because he would just get pissed. But it feels like a death. Still.

Op doesn't care.

In fact, now he's trying to make it seem like his wife was crazy to move to the city.

Op thinks you decided to move to the east coast for your husband, and that there are no "backsies." Ya know, because life never changes. So, you better keep your feelings buried deep inside you, unless you want to upset your husband.