women's invisible labor - anyone had luck getting spouse to take on more of the mental work?

[Anonymous]

You mean after my 4 day biz trip I should pick up after an adult husband who mainly makes messes and watches tv 8pm and passes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

[Anonymous]

I have lost track who the OP is. Bottom line, YOU married him, YOU had kids with him and now YOU think you can change him. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

You have reading comprehension issues. Maybe you need the tutor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

What a troll. Yes folks running a 4 person household is all about eating, sleeping, working. Just like the bachelors days.

Who even knew there was specialized tutoring?
Who noticed the kid needs tutoring at all?
Who found out about tutoring options?
Who even knew the kid and family schedule in order to choose a tutoring day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

What a troll. Yes folks running a 4 person household is all about eating, sleeping, working. Just like the bachelors days.

Who even knew there was specialized tutoring?
Who noticed the kid needs tutoring at all?
Who found out about tutoring options?
Who even knew the kid and family schedule in order to choose a tutoring day?

+1. This. I can’t imagine being married to someone who doesn’t even recognize that planning is required for tutoring to happen. Picking a tutoring center, finding out the cost, receiving feedback about the tutoring, etc.

It’s no question why American women are having fewer children. It’s clear men are selfish, incompetent and delusional.

[Anonymous]

When I've brought this up, DH is totally game to take on more. He just says he is "bad" at remembering and figuring this stuff out, so if I could just write him a list for everything, explain what needs to be done, and remind him he'll happily do it. He totally did not get it when I pointed out that this was not shifting any of the burden, just creating work for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

What a troll. Yes folks running a 4 person household is all about eating, sleeping, working. Just like the bachelors days.

Who even knew there was specialized tutoring?
Who noticed the kid needs tutoring at all?
Who found out about tutoring options?
Who even knew the kid and family schedule in order to choose a tutoring day?

+1. This. I can’t imagine being married to someone who doesn’t even recognize that planning is required for tutoring to happen. Picking a tutoring center, finding out the cost, receiving feedback about the tutoring, etc.

It’s no question why American women are having fewer children. It’s clear men are selfish, incompetent and delusional.

LOL okay Hilary.

[Anonymous]

^^ exactly why being married to a white male and having kids sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

What a troll. Yes folks running a 4 person household is all about eating, sleeping, working. Just like the bachelors days.

Who even knew there was specialized tutoring?
Who noticed the kid needs tutoring at all?
Who found out about tutoring options?
Who even knew the kid and family schedule in order to choose a tutoring day?

+1. This. I can’t imagine being married to someone who doesn’t even recognize that planning is required for tutoring to happen. Picking a tutoring center, finding out the cost, receiving feedback about the tutoring, etc.

It’s no question why American women are having fewer children. It’s clear men are selfish, incompetent and delusional.

Huh? Men did far less when women had more kids. There was no micromanaging. Kids played outside. Nobody had tutors because liberals hadn't destroyed schools yet. Nobody was on psycho drugs. Kids looked healthier, got more sun and weren't obese.

[Anonymous]

^^ and women stayed home when kids were young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

This is only one task of the 95 I have on my plate. Of course in Isolation this one task doesn’t seem complicated. When your to-do list is as long as that of most moms, all of these small tasks add up to a huge job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

Then why aren't around 50% of parents involved with tutoring or their child's IEP process dads? My family is unusual in that my DH attends some of the IEP meetings but he has not spent the countless hours researching the ES programs in our area, understanding services and accommodations, and talking to other moms to glean their experiences and insights on managing an IEP for a complex kid. He didn't attend DDVA meetings to learn from experts about assistive technology, meet and Facebook friend an in demand ALTA certified language therapist in order to pounce on the opportunity when she had an opening for another student. In fact I have never seen a man who is not a professional in the field participate in our county's autism group. The only men who I've ever seen attend a DDVA meeting were presenters, young adult children of the organizer, and, one time, a spouse.

If this is all so easy then why is it women 99% of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ exactly why being married to a white male and having kids sucks.

great. for the good of the nation, please remain single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an observation, for those that think this problem does not exist...

I own a tutoring business. Out of thousands of new clients who have initially contacted me throughout the years, I can count on one hand how many of those were dads.

These moms I deal with are doctors and lawyers, scientists and journalists- very well-educated, busy women. Dads on the whole just don't pick up the slack. They don't manage the kid stuff- they only show up if they're told to. UGH.

Yes, and I happily deal with my kids tutoring, I have one in math tutoring. I dont bean count the basic tasks in life we have to do. My DH does many things I never touch that makes the house run happy and smooth.

Furthermore getting your kid tutoring is not mentally exhausting. My kid goes to the exact same math center 2xs a week. No scheduling needed. Whomever is free drops the kid off and picks the kid up.

Again, how are basic life tasks hard for you people? And if simple life is hard, just use your big girl words and assign them out.

Then why aren't around 50% of parents involved with tutoring or their child's IEP process dads? My family is unusual in that my DH attends some of the IEP meetings but he has not spent the countless hours researching the ES programs in our area, understanding services and accommodations, and talking to other moms to glean their experiences and insights on managing an IEP for a complex kid. He didn't attend DDVA meetings to learn from experts about assistive technology, meet and Facebook friend an in demand ALTA certified language therapist in order to pounce on the opportunity when she had an opening for another student. In fact I have never seen a man who is not a professional in the field participate in our county's autism group. The only men who I've ever seen attend a DDVA meeting were presenters, young adult children of the organizer, and, one time, a spouse.

If this is all so easy then why is it women 99% of the time?

Oh .. and juggled work schedules to make the open slot work, redid the family budget to include the expense, entered everything into the calendar for the next year including finding out which days she's "closed" to remove those, and then talked to DC's teacher and continued to monitor that what they are doing in school aligns with what we are doing privately ... which goes back to hours researching DC's LD to understand proven methodologies.