Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

OP, she is not a step or adopted. This has been a long time of every day screaming and threatening and throwing and cornering and the rest.

We are exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, she is not a step or adopted. This has been a long time of every day screaming and threatening and throwing and cornering and the rest.

We are exhausted.

OP, she's probably exhausted too. If a structured setting gives her the consistency she needs (note: I'm not accusing you of being inconsistent, but it's impossible to run your home in a manner that is as structured as a special ed school), to help her learn self control, it might be the answer to restoring your relationship with her.

How does she do at school, both academically and behaviorally?

Do you have the resources for a boarding school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, she is not a step or adopted. This has been a long time of every day screaming and threatening and throwing and cornering and the rest.

We are exhausted.

OP, she's probably exhausted too. If a structured setting gives her the consistency she needs (note: I'm not accusing you of being inconsistent, but it's impossible to run your home in a manner that is as structured as a special ed school), to help her learn self control, it might be the answer to restoring your relationship with her.

How does she do at school, both academically and behaviorally?

Do you have the resources for a boarding school?

I agree. Consistency is key. Also an antidepressant possibly for her. She's not regulated. Even if she can hold it together for school, she can't at home.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

OP here. This is interesting as she also has dyscalculia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

OP here. This is interesting as she also has dyscalculia.

Same poster as above, that is exactly what I was diagnosed with. Is your daughter small for her age? I was about 4'9" and 90 pounds when I got the final dx at 15/16.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure that she doesn't have another diagnosis along with those two? My son has ADHD and dyslexia, is unmedicated, and hasn't behaved this way since he was 5 or 6. I've been working with him for years to help him manage the ADHD. He's 12, and if you didn't know of his diagnosis, you would have no idea that he has it. I just used what I have taught myself throughout my life as someone with unmedicated ADHD, and it has worked amazingly well. His ADHD was diagnosed as severe at age 5, as was his dyslexia. He is definitely a success story, but it took a lot of work on my part to get him to where he is today. He would not have been allowed to have a meltdown at that age. There were always consequences to his behavior, because he's never been allowed to use his diagnosis as an excuse or as a crutch. Sending your child away is just an excuse for not having to do the hard work required to make them successful in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

OP here. This is interesting as she also has dyscalculia.

Same poster as above, that is exactly what I was diagnosed with. Is your daughter small for her age? I was about 4'9" and 90 pounds when I got the final dx at 15/16.

Different poster here...this is really bizarre to read because I had the same sort of reaction to this post...I was very much like your daughter. Like the other pp, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia (in addition to being truly unable to control my emotions sometimes, I felt really ill every morning so my pediatrician had me do some blood work which is how they discovered the hypoglycemia). Oddly, although never formerly diagnosed as a kid, I'm certain that I have dyscalculia. Like pp, I was also small for my age. My mom changed my diet (not as drastically as pp) and I just remember things getting much better.

Hang in there, OP and definitely pursue this route with the doctor. I distinctly remember being about 11 or 12 and having a complete emotional toddler-like meltdown in our basement, I felt out of control and I just couldn't stop. Despite my kicking and screaming, my mom just scooped me up and rocked me back and forth like a baby and told me that she would always love me no matter what and put that on repeat. Looking back now, as a mother myself, I can only imagine how difficult this time must have been for my mom. Fwiw, I'm a fully functional adult with no mental health issues, a happy life, good career, mostly good health and a good relationship with my family. I wish the same for you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I'n the PP with the post about 1) the sugar and gut microbiome, and 2) the extinction burst.

There is a PP that thinks the microbiome link to mood and mental states is BS. As I mentioned, there are NIH studies on this stuff. Here is a nice article on it. Not for that PP, because they are not coming from a desire to learn, but for you, OP, and any others who are interested.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-health-may-depend-on-creatures-in-the-gut/

Also as I mentioned in my PP, it's a multifaceted problem and there is no one fix. My point is that OP's situation with his/her child is sort of like a perfect storm, and if OP can address a few factors into that storm, it may lessen in severity so as to become manageable for OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would look at the special diet the PP mentioned to see if sugar could be a cause of the issue. Try that route, with purpose, to see if you can move the needle.

If you have no success, and you honestly feel you have tried every avenue, then sending your DD to a therapeutic boarding school at age 12 would seem to be a reasonable option.

Our oldest DS has been difficult since infancy, but not on the scale of your DD. He is not a bad person, but he is a difficult person and has few friends. Now that he is away at college, our family life is just so much easier. I frankly dread when he comes home, even though I love him. He's 20 now and I really do believe he will just be like this for life. DH has a similar younger brother who still lives at home at age 46. This is honestly my nightmare and I can appreciate where you are coming from. I feel strongly that genetics plays a role in situations like these. Please do not blame yourself, because there are some things that are beyond us as parents.

If there had been a good, safe option for our oldest DS, I might have sent him to boarding school - when factoring in our younger children. They lost a lot of their childhood dealing with the situation created by our oldest DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

If a child actually has "reactive hypoglycemia," take them to an ENDOCRINOLOGIST. not a nutritionist or a non-specialist doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that she doesn't have another diagnosis along with those two? My son has ADHD and dyslexia, is unmedicated, and hasn't behaved this way since he was 5 or 6. I've been working with him for years to help him manage the ADHD. He's 12, and if you didn't know of his diagnosis, you would have no idea that he has it. I just used what I have taught myself throughout my life as someone with unmedicated ADHD, and it has worked amazingly well. His ADHD was diagnosed as severe at age 5, as was his dyslexia. He is definitely a success story, but it took a lot of work on my part to get him to where he is today. He would not have been allowed to have a meltdown at that age. There were always consequences to his behavior, because he's never been allowed to use his diagnosis as an excuse or as a crutch. Sending your child away is just an excuse for not having to do the hard work required to make them successful in life.

What do you mean that he would "not have been allowed to have a meltdown"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I just read through this thread and I realized my childhood sounds a lot like OP's daughter's. I craved sugar and had very little control over my emotions until I was about 15 or 16 and was in counseling from four or five years old until that point. My parents were also at their wits end and at one point sent me to live with my uncle for a summer after I ran away. The eventual DX for me was ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, a math based learning disability - and a rare genetic form of reactive hypoglycemia, the last of which we did not figure out until I was in high school when my mom decided to take me to an osteopathic pediatrician.

I have been on a high protein low carb and little to no sugar diet since I was 16 and it honestly changed my life. I used to melt down four to five times a week and made my siblings' childhood a living hell. Once my diet was on track I was able to get it together, find some meds that worked for me and was even able to be a college athlete at a large Division I school.

After figuring out what the largest underlying problem was, our entire household changed our diets to an extent to make it easier for my parents to cook and for me to not feel super alienated when eating. When I went to college I worked with a nutritionist to determine my best options for playing sports and also seeked out counseling when I needed it. I would highly recommend taking your DD to an osteopathic doctor and ask to do a full test profile for any sugar related blood and autoimmune disorders in addition to getting treatment for her psych issues.

If a child actually has "reactive hypoglycemia," take them to an ENDOCRINOLOGIST. not a nutritionist or a non-specialist doctor.

OP of this post here - we went to an endo after getting the initial dx from an osteopathic pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'n the PP with the post about 1) the sugar and gut microbiome, and 2) the extinction burst.

There is a PP that thinks the microbiome link to mood and mental states is BS. As I mentioned, there are NIH studies on this stuff. Here is a nice article on it. Not for that PP, because they are not coming from a desire to learn, but for you, OP, and any others who are interested.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-health-may-depend-on-creatures-in-the-gut/

Also as I mentioned in my PP, it's a multifaceted problem and there is no one fix. My point is that OP's situation with his/her child is sort of like a perfect storm, and if OP can address a few factors into that storm, it may lessen in severity so as to become manageable for OP.

Oh please. A pop science article? That is not "learning." Post some actual research on how serious psychological issues can be treated by cutting out sugar. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would look at the special diet the PP mentioned to see if sugar could be a cause of the issue. Try that route, with purpose, to see if you can move the needle.

If you have no success, and you honestly feel you have tried every avenue, then sending your DD to a therapeutic boarding school at age 12 would seem to be a reasonable option.

Our oldest DS has been difficult since infancy, but not on the scale of your DD. He is not a bad person, but he is a difficult person and has few friends. Now that he is away at college, our family life is just so much easier. I frankly dread when he comes home, even though I love him. He's 20 now and I really do believe he will just be like this for life. DH has a similar younger brother who still lives at home at age 46. This is honestly my nightmare and I can appreciate where you are coming from. I feel strongly that genetics plays a role in situations like these. Please do not blame yourself, because there are some things that are beyond us as parents.

If there had been a good, safe option for our oldest DS, I might have sent him to boarding school - when factoring in our younger children. They lost a lot of their childhood dealing with the situation created by our oldest DS.

wtf. do you idiots actually think the answer here is "cut out sugar! if that doesn't work, boarding school!"

let me put this on 11 for you: SUGAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.