My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was crying about her eye, she's whining that it needs to be gone before she goes back to school. Does anyone know how to heal them fast. I don't want her to get teased. I know it's easy to say she deserves it when that's not your child going through it. She's still very young and I know she's hurt physically and emotionally.

-OP

OP - she needs to go to school with the black eye when the suspension is over. That's where the lesson is for her. Yes, it will be hard to handle this as her mom while she goes through this. It is always hard to watch your kids suffer.

There is nothing she can do to make it heal faster. BTDT (not the getting punched part. I was in an accident, but I did have quite a shiner).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm gonna have her write out an apology letter.

No, in person. She should face the girl's parents...

These are both really bad ideas. The school handed out its discipline, and OP can add on whatever discipline she wants, but putting these two kids together so they can make-up wouldn't do any good for either of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'm just looking for advice, not for ppl to attack my parenting. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm taking all the constructive advice I'm getting. I've already decided to punish her like you all suggested.

I hope you mean this, OP.
I am a teacher and have seen too many 8th and 9th grade girls showing up in the classroom wearing ankle monitors because their single mothers coddled them and made excuses.
You have gotten a lot of good advice.
Now, get off the internet and reach out to actual professionals for help. This is fixable![u]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was bullied by a group of kids in sixth grade.

By the time he told it had been going on for months. Bullies are sneaky, especially when it is a group of them.

He finally told after they started stealing and destroying his lunch, just like OPs daughter. He no longer wanted to eat or to even go to school (and he had previously loved school and these kids who used to be his friends before the head jock found them).

OP, your daughter's black eye will heal. So will her bruised pride.

But these emotional scars on the other girl will never leave her. My son's bullying experience is with him years later. It taints ever single social interaction he has. Prior to the bullying, he was a confident, outgoing kid who was very secure in himself. Now he is an insecure introvert who puts a wall around himself and lets very few people in. When normal friend joking occurs, he reacts defensively, always waiting for the bullying to start. It is a terrible consequence to what some other kids saw as a "silly prank".

Your focus, your only focus, should be to get your daughter to understand how devastating her treatment of another person has been. She needs to learn kindness and empathy, and needs remorse for her evil behavior (not tears of embarrassment for her black eye).

My kid it almost off to college, and that year of bullying changed his life.

Please make sure that your daughter's experience of a bully that gets put in her place be one that changes her life for the better. She owes it to the other girl.

+1.

And PP, I am glad your son will be away next year with people that don't know this ever happened to him. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

You said there had been several instances of your DD bullying this girl before the juice incident. What kind of bullying did these these previous instances entail? Any kind of unkind behavior towards others is definitely not okay but the term "bullying" is used too broadly so without any details about this long term bullying it is impossible to know for sure how justified the girl was in beating up your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'm just looking for advice, not for ppl to attack my parenting. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm taking all the constructive advice I'm getting. I've already decided to punish her like you all suggested.

Come on folks. OP is trying to process what apparently is a surprise to her. She is getting there. Enough with beating her up. She took it to heart. Now we need to offer support and suggestions.

OP, I am a former victims mom. I do not advocate writing a letter or apologizing. Your daughter should leave the other girl alone. I do suggest that you monitor her texts and social media daily. And I suggest getting her off snapchat because you can't monitor that. As far as punishment t, I don't have ideas because I don't know your daughter. But I do agree you need to do something so she knows you don't approve. And you are going to have to help her go back to school and both adjust and change her behavior. She was wrong but she will need your guidance and support to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop bullying, OP. She's trying her best and she's admitting she isn't sure what to do. It's natural to feel protective of your own daughter, even if she is wrong. And her daughter isn't a sociopath. She's a young teen who made a huge mistake. I hope this can be a turning point for her.

Thank you. I hope so too. I hope she learns from this. I want her to know I love her but I'm not happy with her. It's hard to balance the two sometimes.

[Anonymous]

But these emotional scars on the other girl will never leave her. My son's bullying experience is with him years later. It taints ever single social interaction he has. Prior to the bullying, he was a confident, outgoing kid who was very secure in himself. Now he is an insecure introvert who puts a wall around himself and lets very few people in. When normal friend joking occurs, he reacts defensively, always waiting for the bullying to start. It is a terrible consequence to what some other kids saw as a "silly prank".

God, this resonates so much. I hope OP sees it. I was that bullied kid and it took YEARS for me to believe anyone actually wanted to be my friend. I lost so much time, and so many potential friends, because I assumed anyone who seemed kind was actually just reeling me in for a "HA HA. You didn't actually think we could be friends, did you??"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old daughter has been bullying another girl in her class for awhile apparently. The other child finally snapped and beat up my daughter during lunch at school. The day of the incident, my daughter had been dared by her friends to pour juice on the other girl's lunch. My daughter told me it was just supposed to be a silly prank, but when I spoke with the school counselor, she informed me the girl had made other complaints about my daughter bullying her. I'm furious because my child is physically hurt. She came home with a black eye among other bruises. But I'm also upset that she was bullying another girl. She has been suspended for a week from school. I'm torn between sympathizing with my daughter because she's hurt and been crying a lot, but I also want to be stern and let her know bullying isn't tolerated. How should I handle this situation and prevent it from happening again?

Your daughter is a B and I glad the girl beat her up. Lucky she didn't bring a gun to school and try and kill her. Lesson learned. I would not sympathize at all and she would be changing friend groups immediately. Grounded for a month and no phone for 2 weeks. Check her phone. She is probably bullying more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I wouldn't worry so much about why the school let your family down by allowing your daughter to go on this long. They did, but you have a bigger problem and acting contrite is more likely to get the school on your side than taking on the role of victim. I think it is great that the other girl responded this way. Both will come back to school and your daughter will wear the badge of someone who went too far. The humility will do her good.

Now, what are you going to do with your daughter to teach her kindness. I think she needs some new friends, but that is hard to pull off. I think she needs a zero tolerance policy at home toward any further interaction with this girl. Nurse her wounds and be kind about that, but do not project any of your own anger onto others in her presence.

Be careful not to demand that the other family allow your daughter to apologize. You are the supplicants here.

I think your daughter is grounded at least through halloween.

What horseshit. THe school let OP and her family down? Crap. The school let the victim down but not putting a stop to this after repeated complaints.

Some of you people are just ridiculous. OP's daughter got what she deserved, and the other girl should not be suspended at all. FFS.

No, you are wrong. Bullies are still children and have learning to do and the adults have an obligation to help with it. Yes, the school let her down by not bringing in some discipline sooner. Schools have obligations to all of their students, including the ones much harder to like. (And of course they really let the victim down, but the victim's mom didn't ask me for advice.)

That said, my point is basically yours. The OP is pissed about the school letting this go on, and is deflecting her feelings of embarrassment and anger at her daughter to the other players in this saga. That isn't good for her or her daughter. She has to own this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 year old daughter has been bullying another girl in her class for awhile apparently. The other child finally snapped and beat up my daughter during lunch at school. The day of the incident, my daughter had been dared by her friends to pour juice on the other girl's lunch. My daughter told me it was just supposed to be a silly prank, but when I spoke with the school counselor, she informed me the girl had made other complaints about my daughter bullying her. I'm furious because my child is physically hurt. She came home with a black eye among other bruises. But I'm also upset that she was bullying another girl. She has been suspended for a week from school. I'm torn between sympathizing with my daughter because she's hurt and been crying a lot, but I also want to be stern and let her know bullying isn't tolerated. How should I handle this situation and prevent it from happening again?

Your daughter is a B and I glad the girl beat her up. Lucky she didn't bring a gun to school and try and kill her. Lesson learned. I would not sympathize at all and she would be changing friend groups immediately. Grounded for a month and no phone for 2 weeks. Check her phone. She is probably bullying more kids.

Are you a parent? Who says shit like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op, I was on your side when I first read this - I thought people were being too hard on you because you knew your daughter was wrong and wanted her to learn a lesson. I didn't have time to reply or come to your defense then.

Now I'm reading more of your responses and I don't think you are taking this seriously at all. Your daughter needs some major discipline from you. Take away anything she loves, punish her as hard as you can. Tell her she was wrong, mean and an embarrassment to your family for being so cruel to another human. Tell her you failed as a mother by not instilling in her any values. Make her feel horrible!

An ass-whooping and suspension won't mean anything to her if parents don't also make her realize how wrong it was.

I'm just really overwhelmed with everything. I'm sorry if it's coming off like I don't care. My daughter has never done anything like this before. She's never even been in trouble at school. I feel really bad for the other girl. I think I'm gonna have her write out an apology letter.

Please, please, please. Whatever you do with this apology....

1. DO NOT DELIVER IT AT SCHOOL.

2. If you must do it, and opinions are mixed, call the other mother first and work with her to arrange the best way to do it. Remember that she has no reason to give a shit about your daughter's moral development, so if they don't want an in-person visit, don't do it.

It is obvious you are overwhelmed. But now you have to show some spine and not react to the sadness and humiliation your daughter is feeling and react more to the awfulness of what she has done. I would ban social media when you take that phone, even if it means that you take the wireless router to work with you tomorrow and can't have wireless yourself for the next month. Seriously limit her interaction with her pack of mean girls for the next month. Let them forget about her. During this month, I think you need some closets cleaned and silver polished. Maybe some weeding. Your daughter needs some training in empathy and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Arnica Montana. Homeopathy remedy. 30 C. Found in WHOLE FOODS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP. Does your daughter still have a phone? Your answer will tell me how serious you are taking this. How exactly are you punishing your daughter?

I haven't punished her yet. I kind of feel like the beating she got plus suspension is punishment enough.

Nope, she needs to hear it from you. She needs to know that you think that she was wrong for what she did and that you will hold her to account. No phone for a month. No internet except assigned reading from you about the effects of bullying with article reports written by her that you review together. She's 13; you don't have much time left to teach her how to do the right thing.

This and I think you should contact the school and tell them they you think they should shorten the suspension of the other girl. If they are just suspending the other girl because you are angry about your daughter's injury, then you need to let them know that you hold your daughter fully accountable for the situation and understand that the other girl hit her breaking point after no one helped her and after your daughter continued her awful behavior.