Life with AP after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH left his ex for me. I wasn't really an AP in the normal sense. There was no deceit or sneaking around. He moved out before we started dating. They were separated, but still married. In hind site, I wish we had waited until the divorce was final. I think it would have been easier for her. The kids were too young to know the difference. They were 4 and 7. After we got married, they lived with us full time.

We are still married and have been for over 20 years. Kids are grown and gone. We are happy. Our kids are happy. My DH's ex is remarried, but still very bitter about the divorce. That bitterness has caused a lot of problems in her relationship with the kids. She pretty much bailed on them after my DH was awarded custody. She never paid child support, made no effort to exercise her visitation, didn't call them for months at a time. They are still resentful and don't have much of a relationship with her at all. They'll see her once or twice a year. That's an improvement over what it was a few years ago. I really wish that relationship was better. When the kids lived with us, I tried to encourage them to repair it. Once they left for college I stpped trying.

So, yes we are still married. Yes, we are happy. Yes, our kids (his, mine, and ours) are happy. My ex is happily remarried to a wonderful woman. The only one who never moved on is my DH's ex.

She's not bitter about the divorce. She's bitter about the fact that her husband and his new wife forcibly bought the kids using the "but we have more money!" argument, and found the one judge who would go for it. And it's kind of amazing that you forcibly took the children from the mother, and then act put out that she's bitter about it. When you stab someone, do you act surprised when they bleed?

The kids are still resentful because deep inside they know they've been bought, and irrationally, they wish their mother didn't let that happen. Like so many children, they never realized their mother isn't omnipotent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smiley face for pps acting like the wife was a saint. It's funny you how these boards mimicked the way some see her irl

You people try to twist everything. I am awful for not rushing in to play step mom to this child before the divorce is finalized. If I told you I had met dc already you would criticize that. You assume because I am the "ow" that we haven't been through things together.

Just like you assumed his wife was innocently sitting by. I didn't go into details because they don't matter. I already said I wished we met under different circumstances.

I didn't talk about her and her sister reaching out to my rapist to get information about me. Or when I tried to stop seeing her husband she found me on match and had her friend catfish me. She then went on to have a female friend catfish me too. I didn't mention she is on several dating sites posed in a bra, and a corset. You would have just said she was on there checking on her husband. I didn't mention her biting the back of his arm drawing blood and his lawyer taking pics of it.

I didn't mention that a neighbor called cps on her and they're now investigating her. I didn't mention that her friend she had catfish me came back and apologized to me, told me how awful she is. I didn't mention that she put a GPS tracker on his car.
I didn't mention that she threatened to confront me with her baby ( who the heck does that?)
I didn't mention that she put their child in daycare for 10 hours a day while she sat home doing nothing.

I didn't mention any of it because it doesn't excuse what happened. No matter how shitty of a woman I think she is. But you know best. I'm the evil one.

I'm not saying she's a saint. I'm saying your AP should have the integrity not to cheat, regardless. And why exactly are you OK with him being a bad enough father that he leaves his child with an unstable violent lunatic and goes out of town to see you? Seems dangerous! If you agree, why are you going along with it?

[Anonymous]

"I didn't mention all this stuff I'm now mentioning"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smiley face for pps acting like the wife was a saint. It's funny you how these boards mimicked the way some see her irl

You people try to twist everything. I am awful for not rushing in to play step mom to this child before the divorce is finalized. If I told you I had met dc already you would criticize that. You assume because I am the "ow" that we haven't been through things together.

Just like you assumed his wife was innocently sitting by. I didn't go into details because they don't matter. I already said I wished we met under different circumstances.

I didn't talk about her and her sister reaching out to my rapist to get information about me. Or when I tried to stop seeing her husband she found me on match and had her friend catfish me. She then went on to have a female friend catfish me too. I didn't mention she is on several dating sites posed in a bra, and a corset. You would have just said she was on there checking on her husband. I didn't mention her biting the back of his arm drawing blood and his lawyer taking pics of it.

I didn't mention that a neighbor called cps on her and they're now investigating her. I didn't mention that her friend she had catfish me came back and apologized to me, told me how awful she is. I didn't mention that she put a GPS tracker on his car.
I didn't mention that she threatened to confront me with her baby ( who the heck does that?)
I didn't mention that she put their child in daycare for 10 hours a day while she sat home doing nothing.

I didn't mention any of it because it doesn't excuse what happened. No matter how shitty of a woman I think she is. But you know best. I'm the evil one.

I'm not saying she's a saint. I'm saying your AP should have the integrity not to cheat, regardless. And why exactly are you OK with him being a bad enough father that he leaves his child with an unstable violent lunatic and goes out of town to see you? Seems dangerous! If you agree, why are you going along with it?

You should ask the courts that question. He is a good father. I always come to him unless we go on a road trip or vacation.

[Anonymous]

Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I always go to him because he has a dog that has to be let out every few hours. Getting a pet sitter a few days. Week every week is ridiculous when I can drive over.
I'm not sure why I'm responding anymore. We are evil people.
Think whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I always go to him because he has a dog that has to be let out every few hours. Getting a pet sitter a few days. Week every week is ridiculous when I can drive over.
I'm not sure why I'm responding anymore. We are evil people.
Think whatever you want.

I don't believe you're evil at all! Just deluded. Your charges against the wife are that she's in a corset on dating sites and uses daycare. Wow, she's awful!

I don't think you're evil but you're a very typical OW who wants to believe the ex wife is horrid and wretched. He probably also told you he never really loved her and you probably believed that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I always go to him because he has a dog that has to be let out every few hours. Getting a pet sitter a few days. Week every week is ridiculous when I can drive over.
I'm not sure why I'm responding anymore. We are evil people.
Think whatever you want.

Oh wow. You poor thing. This is a very unbalanced relationship and you are believing all the most common lies men tell about their wives, and you're doing all the travel!?!?

Why are you OK with him leaving his child with a dangerous person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I always go to him because he has a dog that has to be let out every few hours. Getting a pet sitter a few days. Week every week is ridiculous when I can drive over.
I'm not sure why I'm responding anymore. We are evil people.
Think whatever you want.

I don't believe you're evil at all! Just deluded. Your charges against the wife are that she's in a corset on dating sites and uses daycare. Wow, she's awful!

I don't think you're evil but you're a very typical OW who wants to believe the ex wife is horrid and wretched. He probably also told you he never really loved her and you probably believed that too.

Uh the corset pictures were up during the marriage. It's hypocritical. Using daycare for 50 hrs a week while you're home is awful. Why don't you want to spend time with your child? Are you defending this because you can relate? I've seen pictures of the bite mark so I'm not sure how I'm "deluded". Her friend that she had catfish me contacted me to apologize. She told me how awful she was. Of course he loved her at one point. He married her.
Whatever you say. She's not awful. I'm sure cps was called for no reason or maybe he's lying about that too. He probably printed up a fake business card from the social worker and put it in his wallet. I mean like you said our situation is typical.

[Anonymous]

Also have you gone through a custody fight? Again ask the courts why she has 50-50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, married 10 years and 2 kids. I am very happy.

Same here but 12 years married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey! You haven't met his kid, his divorce isn't final and you always go to him. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup!

I always go to him because he has a dog that has to be let out every few hours. Getting a pet sitter a few days. Week every week is ridiculous when I can drive over.
I'm not sure why I'm responding anymore. We are evil people.
Think whatever you want.

I don't believe you're evil at all! Just deluded. Your charges against the wife are that she's in a corset on dating sites and uses daycare. Wow, she's awful!

I don't think you're evil but you're a very typical OW who wants to believe the ex wife is horrid and wretched. He probably also told you he never really loved her and you probably believed that too.

Uh the corset pictures were up during the marriage. It's hypocritical. Using daycare for 50 hrs a week while you're home is awful. Why don't you want to spend time with your child? Are you defending this because you can relate? I've seen pictures of the bite mark so I'm not sure how I'm "deluded". Her friend that she had catfish me contacted me to apologize. She told me how awful she was. Of course he loved her at one point. He married her.
Whatever you say. She's not awful. I'm sure cps was called for no reason or maybe he's lying about that too. He probably printed up a fake business card from the social worker and put it in his wallet. I mean like you said our situation is typical.

Alright dear. Have fun always going to the man who involved you in this drama fest. Sounds like a great way to live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also have you gone through a custody fight? Again ask the courts why she has 50-50 custody.

Because courts have determined that is what's best for the child. Pretty much all divorcing parents get 50/50 now unless one is PROVEN to be unfit. Anyone can make a CPS call. Clearly it was unfounded if she retains custody.

The more you try to paint this woman as a lunatic for having the temerity to be married to your boyfriend first, the more imbalanced you sound. And I do not automatically hate all OW, I can often see how these things happen to good people. But you just sound whackadoodle. None of this is even your business since he's still married and won't even leave his dog alone long enough to come to your house and see you. You don't know his kid. You are operating in a very very small sliver of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also have you gone through a custody fight? Again ask the courts why she has 50-50 custody.

Because courts have determined that is what's best for the child. Pretty much all divorcing parents get 50/50 now unless one is PROVEN to be unfit. Anyone can make a CPS call. Clearly it was unfounded if she retains custody.

The more you try to paint this woman as a lunatic for having the temerity to be married to your boyfriend first, the more imbalanced you sound. And I do not automatically hate all OW, I can often see how these things happen to good people. But you just sound whackadoodle. None of this is even your business since he's still married and won't even leave his dog alone long enough to come to your house and see you. You don't know his kid. You are operating in a very very small sliver of his life.

Lol. Do you have a dog that has to be let out every few hours?
If I told you he came here but only a few hours at a time You would find fault with that. Oh he doesn't love you enough to spend the night with you. Cps is still investigating. Where did I say she was a lunatic for marrying him first? However she became my business when she contacted my rapist to get information about me and had her friends stalk me. I stopped sering him for several months. While she was looking for men on adult friend finder
Did you read the part where I stopped seeing him and joined match and she interfered with that too? But I'm imbalanced. Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also have you gone through a custody fight? Again ask the courts why she has 50-50 custody.

Because courts have determined that is what's best for the child. Pretty much all divorcing parents get 50/50 now unless one is PROVEN to be unfit. Anyone can make a CPS call. Clearly it was unfounded if she retains custody.

The more you try to paint this woman as a lunatic for having the temerity to be married to your boyfriend first, the more imbalanced you sound. And I do not automatically hate all OW, I can often see how these things happen to good people. But you just sound whackadoodle. None of this is even your business since he's still married and won't even leave his dog alone long enough to come to your house and see you. You don't know his kid. You are operating in a very very small sliver of his life.

Lol. Do you have a dog that has to be let out every few hours?
If I told you he came here but only a few hours at a time You would find fault with that. Oh he doesn't love you enough to spend the night with you. Cps is still investigating. Where did I say she was a lunatic for marrying him first? However she became my business when she contacted my rapist to get information about me and had her friends stalk me. I stopped sering him for several months. While she was looking for men on adult friend finder
Did you read the part where I stopped seeing him and joined match and she interfered with that too? But I'm imbalanced. Ok.

I'm really not invested in this hullabaloo enough to continue going back and forth with you. Enjoy the dramafest you've chosen to devote your life to.