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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My mother just called me fat over the phone this morning. She was recalling when I visited her a month ago and weighed 115 lbs for 5 ft 4. As usual. Every time I let her know she's rude, but she does it again a few months later. She's narcissistic and never going to change, which doesn't mean she doesn't love me *in her own way*.

OP, if this is normal behavior for your mother, then you need a long-term strategy. Words don't matter as much as grabbing something from someone. Both hurt, of course, but you can tune one out and not the other.

I would stay and brazen it out, because that's what a lifetime of dealing with an abusive mother has taught me. Why should you be the one to leave and missing out on your beach vacation and extended family time when she's the rude one? If she's the narcissistic type to hound you in private and less in public, make sure you seek the protection of the group. Eat those waffles in front of her with everybody there. Go out and get more, so she can't accuse you and depriving others. My mother is capable of accusing me of ANYTHING, even the most irrational stuff - like fiddling with her fridge settings to make her zucchini rot, which she later said had been in her fridge for two weeks...

You and I know that when we accept invitations and presents from our mothers, it comes with strings attached - the pleasure they get from controlling and hurting their adult child. So if it rolls off your back and you keep doing what you were planning on doing anyway... it's a win for you!

[/quote]

OP and PP I feel your pain. Last week my mother was just in town to "help" with other kids while we have a DC that is in and out of the hospital and is going through a major health crisis that is touch and go.

I say "help" because she really is more work than help and when she does "help" it's always with a demeaning comment targeted at my husband or myself for some failure that is beyond our control. FWIW, DH and I are both overachievers with multiple degrees, careers, great kids .. we aren't slackers by any standard.

On her last night in town she looked at me and said that I wasn't aging well and really needed to start using a better moisturizer. I gave her the "WTF did you just say to me look" and she responded that she was actually being kind to me because she was informing me of how awful my skin looked. She could think of nothing that would be kinder to say. I. Was. Speechless. [/quote]

Are you more educated with a better career than your mother? Because I am, and mu counselor has suggested that's why our relationship has gotten worse over the years.  [/quote]

PP here -- thanks for the insight. I am more educated with a better career than her. Very insightful.[/quote]

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