Spendthrift DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, haven't been on this thread since yesterday. I am the one whose dad died when I was 10 and mom scraped by. I must say, most of you folks on DCUM are distorted. It is clear to me that most of the PPs have never had to really scrape by. Have any of you ever had to live on welfare or on nothing? Do you know how to not only live without cable, but also without a car or wondering if you were going to pay for food or gas first? It changes you. And don't think this doesn't happen in the US. It has been ubiquitous since 2008, just not in NW DC, or MOCo or Fairfax, or at least not in your community. If you lost a $20 bill, would that break your budget for the month?

Get off your horses. The OP has a problem. The OPs husband has a problem, and all she sees is the $$ bleeding out the door. I am sure it brings a lot of feelings of her childhood. If you choose to eat nothing but beans to make sure there is money in the bank, it has to be irritating to hear DH went out and dropped $100 on lunch at a restaurant. All OP is asking for is advice on how to get DH to spend reasonably, say $15 for lunch instead.

I really find most of the PPs repulsive, attacking the OP instead of attacking the problem. I challenge you to go back and see where you bleed discretionary money, because I guarantee, most of what you spend on are actually luxuries that are considered necessary by most Americans.

OP here, thank you for trying to talk some sense into these people. It won't work. People who grew up with families pretending to be rich while having nothing in the bank are trained to continue that kind of behavior and think of it as normal. They will spend their lives making restauranteurs and fashion designers rich while they, themselves, have nothing to leave their children.

[Anonymous]

I have never said this before on this site... but OP, you sound horrible. I pity your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

Ok - so what amount would be excessive. Say you're out with your kid and they ask for something you could make them at home for pennies on the dollar -- what dollar amount causes you to say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

You are a terrible person despite your millions - or lack there of. An Asian who was born here is self hating and considers themselves "honorary white" in their own head?! Good to know - I didn't know I hated myself. FWIW I'm a big saver too, but you don't want to hear from me since I'm honorary white and no white person knows anything about finances. Thank god your family immigrated here so we have you and your kind to teach the whites and honorary whites how to function financially. Despite your superiority too bad you couldn't find an Asian to marry, had to settle for white, and now can't get him to understand the superiority of your ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

Ok - so what amount would be excessive. Say you're out with your kid and they ask for something you could make them at home for pennies on the dollar -- what dollar amount causes you to say no?

OP here, this is a stupid question. It is all about the context, budget, and interests to be served. There is no amount that is too much or too little. If my kid is in the habit of always getting ice cream cones, the next time s/he asks might be the time to teach a lesson about financial responsibility. I might suggest s/he remind me to get a tub of ice cream from the grocery store instead and then explain the difference in price per serving. If my kid just got a great grade, I might let him or her get an ice cream cone and something else from the store too. If the ice cream cone at the particular store is more expensive than at the store down the block, I might take my kid down the block. If my kid is saving up for something (I would always encourage my kids to save up in order to learn deferment of enjoyment and the pleasure that comes from achieving goals), then I might give him the option to have the ice cream cone or have the money in cash to put in his piggy bank.

You simplistic people who want to boil me down to fixed dollar amounts are telling on yourselves. Financial responsibility is about making careful inquiries and being aware of trade offs. It is not about fixed rules that may or may not make sense in any given context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

You are a terrible person despite your millions - or lack there of. An Asian who was born here is self hating and considers themselves "honorary white" in their own head?! Good to know - I didn't know I hated myself. FWIW I'm a big saver too, but you don't want to hear from me since I'm honorary white and no white person knows anything about finances. Thank god your family immigrated here so we have you and your kind to teach the whites and honorary whites how to function financially. Despite your superiority too bad you couldn't find an Asian to marry, had to settle for white, and now can't get him to understand the superiority of your ways.

OP here, you are wasting your time being offended. I came here to discuss my particular agenda (fiscal responsibility and my husband), not to bother with whatever issues you have in your head. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Is it impossible for you to discuss your agenda without insulting everyone else in the process?

[Anonymous]

Epic.Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it impossible for you to discuss your agenda without insulting everyone else in the process?

I have actually seen not seen OP insult people as much as people have insulted her....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make all my own clothes and can copy any designer out there. Unless you look for a tag, no one knows. NO ONE.

I even made my own drapes, own quilts, and upholstered all of my dining room chairs . No one ever asked, they think I bought everything. Shoot, if I could make shoes and handbags I'd start my own company. Last year alone I made 5 prom and 3 bridesmaid dresses. I had nearly every woman at the wedding bugging me for a dress.

Right now I'm currently making my husband a beautiful suit to wear to a fancy formal dinner in 3 months.

OP, compromise. It may be uncomfortable for your husband but you need to be on the same financial page if you want your life to be debt/waste free.

OP here, you know what you are talking about. I have been laughing to myself at previous posters who think that an excellent seamstress's work will look cheap because it doesn't bear a designer label. Do you idiots think these designers are sewing the clothes themselves? My Ghanaian friend comes from a long line of seamstresses and the designer Luca Orlandi once stopped her in the street to ask about a unique dress she made herself. Just because previous posters know untalented, unskilled white chicks who make silly stuff to hawk on Etsy doesn't mean all seamstresses are in the same category.

The first PP - I'm sure you can copy anything. No one who wears actual Dior, Givenchy and Balenciaga will take your copies for the real stuff. I'm sure your copies of Liz Clairborne are very convincing. If you bring your stuff to Sheikha Moza, do you think she'd be fooled?

Prom and bridesmaid dresses? Aren't these considered universally horrible to wear?

OP, your friend may be a good seamstress. She isn't fooling anyone who wears actual couture either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it impossible for you to discuss your agenda without insulting everyone else in the process?

I have actually seen not seen OP insult people as much as people have insulted her....

Not really, she's very defensive and anyone who disagrees with her and points out weaknesses in her position is either a fake Asian, or a silly white chick, or destined for life on the streets by 70. I tell you, people who grew up middle and upper class in Asia don't tend to have that much resentment built up. None of the wealthy Nigerians, Bengalis or Chinese we know are like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, haven't been on this thread since yesterday. I am the one whose dad died when I was 10 and mom scraped by. I must say, most of you folks on DCUM are distorted. It is clear to me that most of the PPs have never had to really scrape by. Have any of you ever had to live on welfare or on nothing? Do you know how to not only live without cable, but also without a car or wondering if you were going to pay for food or gas first? It changes you. And don't think this doesn't happen in the US. It has been ubiquitous since 2008, just not in NW DC, or MOCo or Fairfax, or at least not in your community. If you lost a $20 bill, would that break your budget for the month?

Get off your horses. The OP has a problem. The OPs husband has a problem, and all she sees is the $$ bleeding out the door. I am sure it brings a lot of feelings of her childhood. If you choose to eat nothing but beans to make sure there is money in the bank, it has to be irritating to hear DH went out and dropped $100 on lunch at a restaurant. All OP is asking for is advice on how to get DH to spend reasonably, say $15 for lunch instead.

I really find most of the PPs repulsive, attacking the OP instead of attacking the problem. I challenge you to go back and see where you bleed discretionary money, because I guarantee, most of what you spend on are actually luxuries that are considered necessary by most Americans.

OP here, thank you for trying to talk some sense into these people. It won't work. People who grew up with families pretending to be rich while having nothing in the bank are trained to continue that kind of behavior and think of it as normal. They will spend their lives making restauranteurs and fashion designers rich while they, themselves, have nothing to leave their children.

Clearly, anyone who isn't like you will have nothing to leave your children.

Shopkeeper values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

Asians who come from Asian professional class aren't really Asians? Are Asians all required to be poor to pass your test? I promise you, there are actual middle and upperclass people in Asia. They aren't anything like you. You don't represent Asia in toto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your views of Asians are effed up. I am Asian and as a general rule, yes, saving and financial stability is important; that's why kids are pushed towards medicine, engineering, law etc. BUT not every Asian family is living under the model of saving every dollar for retirement as you seem to be doing. You came here in your teens, having never had new clothes before. It's a bit different for the Asians born and raised here, or even for the Asians who immigrated who were engineers or MBAs or whatever in their own countries; sure they came here to do "better," but there weren't totally lacking in their own country either. They had a middle class life -- so they were used to eating out or grabbing a coffee or treating their kids to an ice cream cone, and they didn't stop doing that just bc they got to the U.S. and decided retirement savings was it. You sound like you'd freak out if your kid asked for a $5 ice cream cone.

OP here, I was wondering how long it would take for one of you self hating Asian Americans to show up in this thread. I get it, you were born here, you're not "really Asian", and you are "honorary white" in your head. Whatever. For what it's worth, you are talking about a caricature in your head, not me, when you suggest I would freak out over an ice cream cone. You have not asked me what expenditures I consider excessive, so you are just being silly to speculate.

You are a terrible person despite your millions - or lack there of. An Asian who was born here is self hating and considers themselves "honorary white" in their own head?! Good to know - I didn't know I hated myself. FWIW I'm a big saver too, but you don't want to hear from me since I'm honorary white and no white person knows anything about finances. Thank god your family immigrated here so we have you and your kind to teach the whites and honorary whites how to function financially. Despite your superiority too bad you couldn't find an Asian to marry, had to settle for white, and now can't get him to understand the superiority of your ways.

OP here, you are wasting your time being offended. I came here to discuss my particular agenda (fiscal responsibility and my husband), not to bother with whatever issues you have in your head. Move on.

OP, you have put your business in the open public forum. You don't get to decide how other people will react, and you don't get to direct this discussion. No one in this thread is married to you, so stop expecting obedience. Save this for your DH and see if it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make all my own clothes and can copy any designer out there. Unless you look for a tag, no one knows. NO ONE.

I even made my own drapes, own quilts, and upholstered all of my dining room chairs . No one ever asked, they think I bought everything. Shoot, if I could make shoes and handbags I'd start my own company. Last year alone I made 5 prom and 3 bridesmaid dresses. I had nearly every woman at the wedding bugging me for a dress.

Right now I'm currently making my husband a beautiful suit to wear to a fancy formal dinner in 3 months.

OP, compromise. It may be uncomfortable for your husband but you need to be on the same financial page if you want your life to be debt/waste free.

OP here, you know what you are talking about. I have been laughing to myself at previous posters who think that an excellent seamstress's work will look cheap because it doesn't bear a designer label. Do you idiots think these designers are sewing the clothes themselves? My Ghanaian friend comes from a long line of seamstresses and the designer Luca Orlandi once stopped her in the street to ask about a unique dress she made herself. Just because previous posters know untalented, unskilled white chicks who make silly stuff to hawk on Etsy doesn't mean all seamstresses are in the same category.

The first PP - I'm sure you can copy anything. No one who wears actual Dior, Givenchy and Balenciaga will take your copies for the real stuff. I'm sure your copies of Liz Clairborne are very convincing. If you bring your stuff to Sheikha Moza, do you think she'd be fooled?

Prom and bridesmaid dresses? Aren't these considered universally horrible to wear?

OP, your friend may be a good seamstress. She isn't fooling anyone who wears actual couture either.

OP here. Typical nouveau riche nonsense. I don't care about the designers you pretend to wear or your claims to be able to spot a self-sewn one. You clearly do not know anything about the industry if you don't realize that seamstresses of color are almost always the ones who make your designer wear (including the designs that are labeled as having originated in Europe!). Your ignorance is why designers are able to charge you so much. My Ghanaian friend is rolling out her own line anyway, so I am glad that people like you exist to pay her 90 times what it cost her to have the items made.