Spendthrift DH

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with her wanting to control the finances? Some people are, clearly, not very good at finances. Her husband sounds like one of those people. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships, a place where one's strengths fill the gap with the other's weaknessses.

I'm the PP who called her a perfect wife. I'm not great with finances, and would love to find a woman that is. I'd love to drop all the stresses of financial management, take a comfortable allowance that we agree on, and live without having to constantly worry about the thing I dislike. OP clearly likes dealing with the budget, and it's important to her. Yeah, my kind of woman! (asians are also super hot!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are wise, OP. Have you looked into Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University? Beyond the religious overtones, which I'm not a big fan of, it's very inspiring and unifying. Maybe that will help your DH to better understand where you're coming from. And will help you to figure out how to better compromise. Also have your husband read The Total Money Makeover.

OP here, thank you for the recommendations. I am going to pick up copies of these books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my husband does not resent me about this. If anything, he begs me not to give up on him when I get mad and threaten to separate our finances. I am the one who is getting resentful. Maybe some of you have husbands who don't want you to manage things, but I manage my household and yes, I rule with an iron fist. My husband likes it that way and he sees how his life has improved since he met me.

Lol, you are delusional.
He will resent it in the future. Sounds like money is a huge issue in your marriage,

I manage the money too. However, I take my DH's opinion about things into account. He wanted a car which he didn't need. His old car was 10 years old but ran very well. However, it meant a lot to him. So I agreed with 40k for a new car. I made it work for him to get what he wanted. He is not some servant. He is a person with feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like the perfect wife. Seriously. If you ever dump his ass, let me know. I don't need much of an allowance.

Hi OP

OP here, I did not write that. I don't feel the need to defend myself because I know I am right. The way I am going, I am going to go from third world poverty to real first world wealth in one lifetime. The rest of you can have your debt and come spend your salaries at the businesses I plan to start.

Okay then. I will still be married while you are divorced and lonely.

OP here, I would never wish divorce on anyone. Someone as evil hearted as you will never find happiness.

I don't wish divorce on you, I just warn that you are headed on that path unless you change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with her wanting to control the finances? Some people are, clearly, not very good at finances. Her husband sounds like one of those people. Marriages are supposed to be partnerships, a place where one's strengths fill the gap with the other's weaknessses.

I'm the PP who called her a perfect wife. I'm not great with finances, and would love to find a woman that is. I'd love to drop all the stresses of financial management, take a comfortable allowance that we agree on, and live without having to constantly worry about the thing I dislike. OP clearly likes dealing with the budget, and it's important to her. Yeah, my kind of woman! (asians are also super hot!)

OP here, thank you for your support. DH hates budges and finances. He finds money stressful and he was very happy early on to leave it all in my hands. It was actually his idea, but it fits in with my culture in which women manage the household finances. My African friends have the same kind of set up -- the husband's paycheck goes straight to the wife's account. I don't know why Americans find this so extreme. I manage money well and I will even be the one to suggest a new pair of pants or a shirt if I notice that something he is wearing is no longer looking sharp. I am just judicious in my spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my husband does not resent me about this. If anything, he begs me not to give up on him when I get mad and threaten to separate our finances. I am the one who is getting resentful. Maybe some of you have husbands who don't want you to manage things, but I manage my household and yes, I rule with an iron fist. My husband likes it that way and he sees how his life has improved since he met me.

Lol, you are delusional.
He will resent it in the future. Sounds like money is a huge issue in your marriage,

I manage the money too. However, I take my DH's opinion about things into account. He wanted a car which he didn't need. His old car was 10 years old but ran very well. However, it meant a lot to him. So I agreed with 40k for a new car. I made it work for him to get what he wanted. He is not some servant. He is a person with feelings.

OP here, you are assuming I do not care about my husband's feelings. The purpose of this thread was not to debate how I show concern for his feelings. It was to ask for help with a specific challenge.

[Anonymous]

You are not being reasonable OP. How can anyone help you with that?

[Anonymous]

Your husband would drive me nuts. Maybe you can find a local Bogleheads, MMM, or Dave Ramsey meet up group so that your husband can make more reasonable friends. I would also give him a reasonable allowance and cut off his access to the rest of the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would drive me nuts. Maybe you can find a local Bogleheads, MMM, or Dave Ramsey meet up group so that your husband can make more reasonable friends. I would also give him a reasonable allowance and cut off his access to the rest of the money.

OP here, interesting. I did not know that there are groups of financially savvy people who get together. What are the differences between each one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not being reasonable OP. How can anyone help you with that?

It is so funny what a division there is in this thread. I think some spenders reading this thread feel judged for their poor decisions, hence the attacks. Not everyone wants to be living check to check until they die or spending life as an employee with no financial freedom.

[Anonymous]

I think there is middle ground. I save for retirement but I enjoy life too. Sure I could save more but I would not want the kind of life OP lives.

[Anonymous]

If you are local to DC I think you would like the bogleheads group. The link is somewhere on their site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is middle ground. I save for retirement but I enjoy life too. Sure I could save more but I would not want the kind of life OP lives.

OP here, what are you talking about? I didn't give very many details about the life I current live. I shared about the life I *once* lived in order to get out of debt. My husband and I enjoy life. I am just smarter, more careful, and more disciplined than perhaps the average American. Most spendthrifts aren't enjoying life more than those who are careful. They are just paying more for the same things or having more of the same things without extra enjoyment. (Are multiple $200 meals per week from "top" restaurants really always better than well cooked meals at home followed by dessert from a nice, local spots?)

[Anonymous]

You express yourself in a way that makes it sound like you associate positive traits exclusively with Asians and bad habits with "white Americans."

I imagine your husband might find this rather stressful. He cannot make himself Korean or Chinese even if it would make you think more highly of him.

My very white grandparents grew up in the Great Depression, and they passed on their thrifty habits to their children and grandchildren. Some of us have Asian and other non-white spouses who are much more inclined to spend freely than we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not being reasonable OP. How can anyone help you with that?

It is so funny what a division there is in this thread. I think some spenders reading this thread feel judged for their poor decisions, hence the attacks. Not everyone wants to be living check to check until they die or spending life as an employee with no financial freedom.

You seem to think any decision you wouldn't make is a poor one. That is grating and presumptuous and insulting. Those types of people aren't well liked. That's why you feel "attacked".