Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

OP I reread your post and this is what I think: soccer brings out the crazy in people. It is such a popular sport (soccer mom) that I your nephew misses the tournament, he will suffer a consequence. This is because of the culture and because there are 6 other guys that would like to have his spot on the team. So he will definitely lose out if he misses he tournament for a wedding. hat said, he is just a teen age boy and the wedding will be lovely without him. If you have kids, in 14 years you will be facing this and understand completely (unless the culture really changes) Sorry.

[Anonymous]

No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
One day you will realize that a teen not interested in your wedding has nothing to do with. How much he loves you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry OP. You sound like a great aunt. But a 14 year old boy will honestly be bored to tears at a wedding so having him there just to say he was there seems silly. I would let it go.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
One day you will realize that a teen not interested in your wedding has nothing to do with. How much he loves you.

You might want to read OP's actual posts before commenting on things that have nothing to do with her mindset. SMH.

[Anonymous]

I understand diassapointment, I honestly do.
And I also get that crap happens and your sister made a mistake. What I don't get is folks thinking the world revolves around their wedding. I try do not get this. I also do not understand how missing one family event equates to poor family values and a lifetime of not valuing family. This is one occassion, one event. I was almost 40 when I married and there were people I loved, who could not make it to my wedding. I had LIFELONG live for and from these people, trusted these people and understood that my wedding did not all if a sudden give me permission to question their circumstances or motives. Life is not a straight line, it's not always your way or the highway. OP, their will be times in your married life when you will Make decisions based on what is best for your immediate family. People in your broader family may not understand or may not get it, but hopefully they will trust you enough to know that despite what you do you still love,care for, and want to participate in your family.
Hopefully they will not judge you and find you lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
One day you will realize that a teen not interested in your wedding has nothing to do with. How much he loves you.

You might want to read OP's actual posts before commenting on things that have nothing to do with her mindset. SMH.

I read it, and still think the same thing .
And I sharing my head.
Get
Over
It

[Anonymous]

I think this is teaching the teen that the world revolves around his life and his life trumps in all circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is teaching the teen that the world revolves around his life and his life trumps in all circumstances.

Unless the teen prefers to go to the wedding and skip soccer, then he is learning that he has to honor commitments to his team and not go to a party instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
One day you will realize that a teen not interested in your wedding has nothing to do with. How much he loves you.

You might want to read OP's actual posts before commenting on things that have nothing to do with her mindset. SMH.

I read it, and still think the same thing .
And I sharing my head.
Get
Over
It

Op has said repeatedly that she does not have any thoughts about the teenager, and the nephew may have wanted to come. Why would you then tell the Op him not wanting to come to her wedding has nothing to do with his love for her. One day the day will come....readingn comprehension my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is teaching the teen that the world revolves around his life and his life trumps in all circumstances.

Yes, teaching him that his sister is more important and that his feelings aren't valued is certainly the way to go.

He's 14. He's not a CHILD. He should be capable of voicing what is important to him, and taking the consequences.

I'd be willing to bet, once he sees how important this day is, he will either want to go, or wished he had. But.. I still maintain it's his choice, especially since parents didn't speak up for him in the first place.

I see nothing wrong with aunt having a sit down with himand expressing how much she wishes he would be there. Likewise with parents reinforcing how important family events are. But - it should still be his choice.

Have you read half the threads on this board? It's from people who have had everyone tell them what to do their entire lives. There is nothing WRING with making a choice and learning from it.

[Anonymous]

Since the teen in question is not a boy, and the sport is not soccer... I don't think there's really a response I can give.

The mom didn't think to check both kids' commitments. That says a lot.

I don't think a wedding trumps everything just because it's a wedding. Obviously the mom didn't think it was important enough to make sure both kids could be there.

OP, enjoy your day. That's all that really matters. On your 50th anniversary you won't remember or care that a teenaged niece or nephew wasn't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if this was OP's funeral? (sorry, OP!) Would it be okay for her nephew to miss a funeral of a close family member for a soccer tournament? A wedding is just as important and I'd say almost more so since the guest of honor is alive to appreciate your presence. I know that sports are important, the boy has been working hard for years, etc, but some things are more important and his close aunt's first wedding should be one of those things.

I was just going to say the exact same thing!

[Anonymous]

I agree that the priorities are screwed for the sister. However, she made the choice based on her priority. That's done. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Can he go to the tournament and then come to the reception (or at least part of it) afterwards?

I agree with the other posters who say he's 14, he'd be bored to tears, let him go to soccer. Can he at least come to the brunch the next day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is teaching the teen that the world revolves around his life and his life trumps in all circumstances.

Unless the teen prefers to go to the wedding and skip soccer, then he is learning that he has to honor commitments to his team and not go to a party instead.

The wedding was settled over 9 months in advance. The wedding comes first.