Sister says 14yo nephew not coming to my wedding because of his sports tournament. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I reread your post and this is what I think: soccer brings out the crazy in people. It is such a popular sport (soccer mom) that I your nephew misses the tournament, he will suffer a consequence. This is because of the culture and because there are 6 other guys that would like to have his spot on the team. So he will definitely lose out if he misses he tournament for a wedding. hat said, he is just a teen age boy and the wedding will be lovely without him. If you have kids, in 14 years you will be facing this and understand completely (unless the culture really changes) Sorry.

Not everyone feels that soccer revolves around an entire life. People like that are just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the hell? I can't believe these people who are saying that a soccer tournament is more important than a family wedding. It's not like this kid is going to be a professional athlete -- and if he was, missing one weekend tournament would not get in his way. People have FUCKED up values around here if they would really let a teenager choose a hobby over his extended family. Jeez.

+1
He will have 7 million tournaments and games. Sports take up every single weekend and for what end?

I agree. This generation of parents are so insane. They each think sports is the end-all of all things. This is their Aunt's one event. I can't believe the Aunt even initially tried to go around her niece and nephew's sports. That is nicer than I would have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares as much about your wedding as you do.
One day you will realize that a teen not interested in your wedding has nothing to do with. How much he loves you.

Actually it 100% does. It shows how much her sister is a shitty parent and sister.

[Anonymous]

One thing I'm curious about is this sense that the niece's sports took priority. It sounds like this wedding has been scheduled for a year. A year ago this kid wasn't even in high school. How could they have scheduled around an event for a team he hadn't even tried out for?

[Anonymous]

Growing up, I wouldn't have missed a tournament for a family wedding either. I made a commitment to my team when I signed up and it would've been pretty unheard of for a player to miss a tournament. His schedule was set first and your wedding was set after. It was your sister's mistake. Also, he is just 14, but if he were even a little older, that tournament could be the difference between being recruited to play in college and not. I think it's important to teach kids the value of commitment. I do understand that family is important, but c'mon, it's not like he's missing the chance to say goodbye before you die, it's just your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is important to teach kids to commit, but not blindly! The normal standard for adult activities would permit ceding other committments in order to attend important family events. I think it is fine to teach a kid that they might need to push back against people making unreasonable demands on their time.

And as a side note, what kind of coach punishes a kid for going to a family wedding? Something has gotten a little out of whack and I would be concerned about my kid being involved in an activity that does not have appropriate boundaries. Olympic trials or state championship, ok. But early season tournament? Sorry. Not the be all end all.

Exactly. And this wedding was known almost a year in advance. Give me a break on the "you made a commitment to the team" shit. His aunt has gone to everyone of his events since he was born. She some f'ing respect and go to her one event.

20 years ago this would never of happened anywhere. How parents and now their kids prioritize sports is ridiculous these days.

No, 20 years ago (actually more than that), I was allowed to choose. But then again, I was also allowed to walk a mile to school, do my own laundry, and a whole bunch of things. I usually chose the right things, but when I didn't, I suffered the consequence. I may not have known it till after, but it's how I became an independent, thoughtful adult.

The detail everyone is neglecting is that auntie moved her date(s) to accommodate niece's (who is the older child's) sporting/ hobby events. Parents (and thus, auntie) neglected to account for nephew. So, basically the entire event was set to accommodate niece. Now nephew is getting flak because he doesn't warrant the same attention, but presumedly, his events are important to HIM?

Only on DCUM would someone try and pin this back on the OP. It is not HER job to find out everyone's schedule. She was nice to ask her sister and her sister told her that weekend was sports-free. She booked it and sent out save-the-dates and all was set. The sister didn't realize there was a tournament probably because one wasn't even planned yet - not 9 months away. How is that the OP neglecting her nephew? Your rationalization is insane.

[Anonymous]

I have 30plus aunts and uncles and so many cousins who are married with children Ive lost count. Prekid, I made it a point to go to EVERY wedding, shower, grauation party,etc and so did my parents. Im 40 with two small children and I have grown so freaking tired of these events. Its so freaking difficult to travel long distances to attend these types of events once you have children. My parents have 50plus nieces and nephews...someone is ALWAYS getting married, having a shower, graduating, etc. Let nephew wish you well from his sports tournament and focus on enjoying your day. I will fault none of my nieces and nephews if they decide to go to a sports event instead of my funeral someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, I wouldn't have missed a tournament for a family wedding either. I made a commitment to my team when I signed up and it would've been pretty unheard of for a player to miss a tournament. His schedule was set first and your wedding was set after. It was your sister's mistake. Also, he is just 14, but if he were even a little older, that tournament could be the difference between being recruited to play in college and not. I think it's important to teach kids the value of commitment. I do understand that family is important, but c'mon, it's not like he's missing the chance to say goodbye before you die, it's just your wedding.

Which is why he should be at the wedding. This is not a college-showcase, could get into a Div 1 school tournament. It is a high school tournament. He will have plenty in his 4 years of school. His Aunt is 40 and is finally having her moment after going to everyone of his and athletics does not come before family. I mean even professional players miss games for weddings, babies, funerals etc...

[Anonymous]

This whole thing is ridiculous. 12 pages on this?? I don't see sports as more important than family. I grew up in a very close family and no way could I have missed an aunt's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Geez, I hope that it's the same few posters claiming missing a close relative's wedding for a sports tournament is ok. My kids are in elementary and I have close by nieces and nephews that are being recruited for D1 sports. No way would my SIL let a tournament take precedence over a wedding. If the kid is good enough to be a superstar post highschool, the coach won't care if he misses a tournament. If he's not, it doesn't matter in the larger scheme of life.

[Anonymous]

I think the nephew (niece?) already got the point that the world does not revolve around him when his mom had OP schedule her wedding based on the sister's sports schedule, and totally forgot about his committments.

I agree that OP did not have to consult with the sister/mom re her kids' schedules, and my repsonse would probably be different if OP had just picked a date for her wedding, and then it turned out that there was a conflict re the nephew's sport. But that's not what happened. I don't see this as saying "sports are more important than family".

[Anonymous]

Next week, my 7yr old is going to miss her Aunt's wedding because she "made a commitment" to her rec basketball team. And I want to be sure she understands what commitment means. Her team mates need her and the coach expects here there.

Does it sound insane? Yeah, so does the 14yr old although you all keep talking about "commitment." It is total bullshit. The sister is teaching the kid to be selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 30plus aunts and uncles and so many cousins who are married with children Ive lost count. Prekid, I made it a point to go to EVERY wedding, shower, grauation party,etc and so did my parents. Im 40 with two small children and I have grown so freaking tired of these events. Its so freaking difficult to travel long distances to attend these types of events once you have children. My parents have 50plus nieces and nephews...someone is ALWAYS getting married, having a shower, graduating, etc. Let nephew wish you well from his sports tournament and focus on enjoying your day. I will fault none of my nieces and nephews if they decide to go to a sports event instead of my funeral someday.

This aunt is close to her nephew and sister. Has gone to all his and her events. Different situation

[Anonymous]

Is there a list of things that are more important than a soccer tournament. If so what are they... is this the list... did I miss something, are there things on this list that don't belong

funeral
wedding
baptism/bris
confirmation/bar mitzvah
birthday
mothers day
fathers day
Easter
Jewish Holidays


I know when my son was 13 the Bar Mitzvah situation was out of control. He went to about 7 games exhausted or he left early and pissed somebody off.

BTW, I have never had my kids miss a wedding for a game, but I think it's more complicated than just 1 event and 1 tournament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next week, my 7yr old is going to miss her Aunt's wedding because she "made a commitment" to her rec basketball team. And I want to be sure she understands what commitment means. Her team mates need her and the coach expects here there.

Does it sound insane? Yeah, so does the 14yr old although you all keep talking about "commitment." It is total bullshit. The sister is teaching the kid to be selfish.

It actually is not the same thing and some of you are so "anti-sports" that you do not see it. Another PP asked whether people would feel different if was youth travel orchestra or youth ballet company. No one responded.