I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I know a man who tested positive for HPV. So there’s a test for it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I know a man who tested positive for HPV. So there’s a test for it

Well he somehow knows he has it. Could’ve been diagnosed from sores. I’m not sure and not asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he knew he was exposed to an STD back in 2022 and didn't tell you. He requested that STD test so he would've looked at the results back in 2022. Yea, he lied by omission. This wasn't even "he didn't lie; he just didn't know the truth" kind of lie.

I have physicals every year, including blood tests. They don't test for STDs unless I specifically ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I know a man who tested positive for HPV. So there’s a test for it

Well he somehow knows he has it. Could’ve been diagnosed from sores. I’m not sure and not asking.

There is simply no FDA approved test for HPV but yes genital warts are often caused by HPV so it’s possible he got diagnosed from that. But again, continually saying there is a test for HPV for men doesn’t make it true. A google search will show you the CDC result that there is no FDA approved HPV test for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he knew he was exposed to an STD back in 2022 and didn't tell you. He requested that STD test so he would've looked at the results back in 2022. Yea, he lied by omission. This wasn't even "he didn't lie; he just didn't know the truth" kind of lie.

I have physicals every year, including blood tests. They don't test for STDs unless I specifically ask for it.

Exactly. I’m having trouble understanding how someone sees a positive result on a test and just disregards it and thinks it’s unimportant and not worth sharing with a sexual partner? Regardless, the good news for OP is if he has indeed had this for years and she hasn’t noticed him having any outbreaks and she hasn’t noticed anything of her own the likelihood she has it is probably pretty low. I would never be able to trust him again so it would be a deal breaker for me anyway but hopefully you are in the clear of being infected for you and the baby’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he knew he was exposed to an STD back in 2022 and didn't tell you. He requested that STD test so he would've looked at the results back in 2022. Yea, he lied by omission. This wasn't even "he didn't lie; he just didn't know the truth" kind of lie.

I have physicals every year, including blood tests. They don't test for STDs unless I specifically ask for it.

Exactly. I’m having trouble understanding how someone sees a positive result on a test and just disregards it and thinks it’s unimportant and not worth sharing with a sexual partner? Regardless, the good news for OP is if he has indeed had this for years and she hasn’t noticed him having any outbreaks and she hasn’t noticed anything of her own the likelihood she has it is probably pretty low. I would never be able to trust him again so it would be a deal breaker for me anyway but hopefully you are in the clear of being infected for you and the baby’s sake.

“ Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the labs after the fact

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant”

My guess, if he’s telling the truth, that not hearing anything from the doctor meant you have nothing to worry about, aka, no news is good news. Poor health management on his part, but that also feeds into why men transmit more STDs because they don’t test regularly or take their health seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

We all know it’s STI but given our ages we all knew it to be STD. Give us a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

We all know it’s STI but given our ages we all knew it to be STD. Give us a break.

It’s only been changed to STI to take away some of the stigma-it’s not like it changes the definition in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he knew he was exposed to an STD back in 2022 and didn't tell you. He requested that STD test so he would've looked at the results back in 2022. Yea, he lied by omission. This wasn't even "he didn't lie; he just didn't know the truth" kind of lie.

I have physicals every year, including blood tests. They don't test for STDs unless I specifically ask for it.

Exactly. I’m having trouble understanding how someone sees a positive result on a test and just disregards it and thinks it’s unimportant and not worth sharing with a sexual partner? Regardless, the good news for OP is if he has indeed had this for years and she hasn’t noticed him having any outbreaks and she hasn’t noticed anything of her own the likelihood she has it is probably pretty low. I would never be able to trust him again so it would be a deal breaker for me anyway but hopefully you are in the clear of being infected for you and the baby’s sake.

“ Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the labs after the fact

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant”

My guess, if he’s telling the truth, that not hearing anything from the doctor meant you have nothing to worry about, aka, no news is good news. Poor health management on his part, but that also feeds into why men transmit more STDs because they don’t test regularly or take their health seriously.

If a lab result shows positive for Herpes-you have Herpes. Yes it means you were “exposed to it” in the same way you would be “exposed” to Gonorrhea if that showed up positive. It still means you have it. This guy is either 100% lying about these interactions with his doctor or his doctor is awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

We all know it’s STI but given our ages we all knew it to be STD. Give us a break.

It’s only been changed to STI to take away some of the stigma-it’s not like it changes the definition in any way.

Tell the PP that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Your baby daddy is still a liar
He knew and didn’t tell you.

Gross and Immature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he cheated in his first marriage. There you have it.

Ex-Wife demanded STD test. But I’m not convinced he didn’t cheat and just got results from a more recent test—worried since you are pregnant.

Why are you pregnant with a divorced guy who you aren’t even married to? Was this an accidental pregnancy ? An affair baby ?

+1 prob cheated with first wife- hence the sti panel and divorce.

Why are you with this guy? Does he have other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

We all know it’s STI but given our ages we all knew it to be STD. Give us a break.

If you can’t cure it, it’s not an infection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he cheated in his first marriage. There you have it.

Ex-Wife demanded STD test. But I’m not convinced he didn’t cheat and just got results from a more recent test—worried since you are pregnant.

Why are you pregnant with a divorced guy who you aren’t even married to? Was this an accidental pregnancy ? An affair baby ?

+1 prob cheated with first wife- hence the sti panel and divorce.

Why are you with this guy? Does he have other kids?

She was the one who stepped out. I’ve run into her a few times actually, and her family up until about a year ago kept saying how much they missed him.

He has no kids. I’ve known him for over 10 years.