I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That's not herpes. Not the same thing at all.

Yes it is. There is HSV-1 and HSV-2. Usually people think of the first as oral and the second as genital but you can get either in either place. Don't spread misinformation. In this day and age you can google these things and find reputable medical sites to educate yourself. FFS.

OP, please talk to your obgyn about this. You may need to take some antivirals as you get close to delivery and they will need to monitor you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That's not herpes. Not the same thing at all.

Yes it is. There is HSV-1 and HSV-2. Usually people think of the first as oral and the second as genital but you can get either in either place. Don't spread misinformation. In this day and age you can google these things and find reputable medical sites to educate yourself. FFS.

OP, please talk to your obgyn about this. You may need to take some antivirals as you get close to delivery and they will need to monitor you.

Thanks, I’m meeting with him tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

"He already lied to you and infected you, may as well just stick with him"

My god there are some brain dead people giving advice on this site.

+1, OP is better off consulting chatGPT than some of the asinine advice on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

"He already lied to you and infected you, may as well just stick with him"

My god there are some brain dead people giving advice on this site.

+1, OP is better off consulting chatGPT than some of the asinine advice on this thread.

It’ll just give worse answers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

x1000

Some of y'all need to read a book or look at some health data/info. Who even says STD or venereal disease anymore?

We all know it’s STI but given our ages we all knew it to be STD. Give us a break.

If you can’t cure it, it’s not an infection.

+1 herpes is a disease

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he cheated in his first marriage. There you have it.

Ex-Wife demanded STD test. But I’m not convinced he didn’t cheat and just got results from a more recent test—worried since you are pregnant.

Why are you pregnant with a divorced guy who you aren’t even married to? Was this an accidental pregnancy ? An affair baby ?

+1 prob cheated with first wife- hence the sti panel and divorce.

Why are you with this guy? Does he have other kids?

She was the one who stepped out. I’ve run into her a few times actually, and her family up until about a year ago kept saying how much they missed him.

He has no kids. I’ve known him for over 10 years.

Ut oh. I know this language. She’s making excuses. She’s staying with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I know a man who tested positive for HPV. So there’s a test for it

Genital warts is HPV, so yes men are diagnosed with it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he cheated in his first marriage. There you have it.

Ex-Wife demanded STD test. But I’m not convinced he didn’t cheat and just got results from a more recent test—worried since you are pregnant.

Why are you pregnant with a divorced guy who you aren’t even married to? Was this an accidental pregnancy ? An affair baby ?

+1 prob cheated with first wife- hence the sti panel and divorce.

Why are you with this guy? Does he have other kids?

She was the one who stepped out. I’ve run into her a few times actually, and her family up until about a year ago kept saying how much they missed him.

He has no kids. I’ve known him for over 10 years.

Ut oh. I know this language. She’s making excuses. She’s staying with him.

I was answering the question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

+1
Reading most of these responses is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Can yall just agree that it’s something he has and he didn’t share w his now baby momma?

Literally it’s nasty!

[Anonymous]

This thread has gone off the rails. Dcum is not the place for this kind of question, unfortunately. The OBgyn will be much more helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

Does not matter. She's been exposed and herpes can rear itself much later, just like this guy. Neither of them were responsible. She owns this as well. But going forward, especially the birth, and any dating, she has to say something. This is what happened to him. He was infected by someone. There is really no bad guy here.

Um no. There is a test for it-and it’s like 99% accurate after 28 days of exposure. So she is not “exposed and needs to tell people” if she doesn’t actually have it. she doesn’t need to tell people she was exposed by some dude for the rest of her life. Being exposed simply means you need to be tested. You think people go around saying “I was exposed to herpes in 1989” The intelligence level here is really disturbing. Herpes isn’t going to randomly show up in 5 years in someone who doesn’t test positive for the virus. That’s not how it works.

You really don’t know what you are talking about. The blood test cannot tell how recently you were infected and herpes can be dormant for a long time. I get like one cold sore every few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a liar. I would not continue the relationship, and would seriously consider if you want to be tied to this person for 18+ years.

Everyone lies. The question is what the lie tells you. The fact that he told the truth before the baby was born is a good thing. OP seems to be really overreacting which may be one reason he lied.