I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up. He was attracted to you and was having erections no problem. Suddenly you are pregnant and now his pipi can no longer stand up straight. And his excuse he has herpes? Maybe he is looking for a way out. Yes the herpes is true but it's a continent excuse for him.

It’s called guilt

Maybe he doesn't find OP attractive during the pregnant phase and that's ok. They should be more understanding and accepting of each other for sex.

Not the point of the thread at all.

[Anonymous]

He's a liar. I would not continue the relationship, and would seriously consider if you want to be tied to this person for 18+ years.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this sexual assault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this sexual assault?

It can be depending on the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

He's obviously not talking about cold sores on his mouth.

Dummy, HSV 1 can also be genital.

[Anonymous]

He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

"He already lied to you and infected you, may as well just stick with him"

My god there are some brain dead people giving advice on this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

She may not have it….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have said something earlier in November, but frankly you both should have tested before sex, period. So, that is on you. What's your plan now? Leave him, and have your baby without him. Dear- you are now in the same boat as he is, getting it the same way he got it. So, what's the plan? You will have to tell others, and meanwhile you had this guy who loves you and you have already been exposed. Did you think perhaps you also had it and didn't know, seems like no one has tested.

Interestingly enough, in this day and age, most people have something, HSV, HPV, etc.

There's ways to manage, and you will just manage. You have already been exposed, let your OBGyn know, everything will be ok. This is already old hat. Your behavior now needs some calming down.

"He already lied to you and infected you, may as well just stick with him"

My god there are some brain dead people giving advice on this site.

x10000

[Anonymous]

The lying is more of a dealbreaker than the STD, although both would be a deal breaker for me. Glad he isn't already your husband.

[Anonymous]

There is so much bad info here. I guarantee you will know less than you did before reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

So he cheated in his first marriage. There you have it.

Ex-Wife demanded STD test. But I’m not convinced he didn’t cheat and just got results from a more recent test—worried since you are pregnant.

Why are you pregnant with a divorced guy who you aren’t even married to? Was this an accidental pregnancy ? An affair baby ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can find a way to drift away and not name him on the birth certificate, OP, you should. You don’t want a lying creep like this in your life and it just takes his nagging mom hearing a redacted version of his story to decide you’re the bad guy and to convince him to fight for custody.

For this reason, maybe OP should press criminal charges.

He knew. He didn't disclose. He recklessly endangered her health and the health of the baby.

I wouldn’t press charges proactively but I would document the crap out of the situation and keep it in my back pocket in case he tried for custody of any kind. Op, you don’t need a divorce and that’s fortunate, but you do need a consult with a family law attorney to figure out how to best protect your rights and your baby’s rights. Find someone who specializes in custody vs straight up divorce litigators. No mediation nonsense, you want an attorney. And you need to get a will in place and think about who to designate as a legal guardian.

You actually can’t sue for someone not telling you they have herpes. This still only applies to HIV. I actually looked it up a couple of years ago and I couldn’t believe it-but yeah.

Of course you can sue. Like most things it’s state specific but many states allow for claims to be brought for spreading infectious diseases.

Sure you can sue for anything-but it’s not actually against the law, so winning is the issue.

Negligence and tortious injury are against the law. People have done time over spreading STDs. Regardless if it’s against the law criminally, if someone does anything to inconvenience your life and cost you money the courts exist to remedy those situations and make you whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op why are you having sex with him if you guys are not married?

Shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can he just be freaking out about a test that revealed an old infection ? Many people may not realize they have it. It’s a stressful time for both of you

He could be freaking out just as much as you do

He sent this last night:

“I did not cheat on you, I never have. I checked when I got home again because I didn't have the test results in front of me when I was telling you.

The last two tests that I have showing a positive test were in April 2022 which makes sense because I requested an STD panel after my divorce. And the most recent one was in January 2025. Even my 2022 results, My doctor said that I was "exposed" to an STD but there was no further follow-up because I had no symptoms and there was no back and forth on it. And even this wasn't verbal, this is me interpreting the the labs after the fact.

Then I was tested when I was in DC with you last year, I just did a general annual checkup. I did not request a herpes test. I have been going to the same doctor for 10 years in this HSV-2 panel was only on two of my screens. Again my doctor did not say anything to me about the results. I look more into my own health results as an as an entirety once I found out you were pregnant.”

He got divorced about 4 years ago…

Somebody told him what to say. He had that sh!t since he cheated on his wife