Am I overreacting/rude with this text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

+1. Liberal white women are the worst. I’m surprised you came to ask this question on DCUM. From now on, OP, you can really only trust other people of color to understand these dynamics (and I do appreciate the 47 year old white male here as well). Never bring these topics up in white spaces because they will gaslight you to hell and back.

I am 45 MOC and what OP did is plain rude. Stop playing victim to race game all the time. She didn't have guts to say it in-person and now being passive aggressive.

I call bs on your self proclaimed identity. And I think op was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you were not rude. Liberal white women are very entitled and don’t like being called out about their BS, especially by WOC or white men. And before you all start attacking me, I’m a 47 year old white male.

I’m a liberal white woman myself and I’ll agree I do see this among some friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend and I were at a public place (restaurant/bar) for drinks. I told her a fact based on things I know from my career field. She insisted I was incorrect. A man at the table behind us, turned around and said "actually, she is right. I have experienced [event/situation] to be the case as well".

For context, friend is a white woman and I am a WOC. I sent her a text later as follows:
"Hey, I just wanted to say that it really hurts when you don't listen to me on things that I quite literally do for a living. It's a bit of a microaggression to be honest that you immediately believe a random white man who presents anecdata over me, your friend who has a Master's in this topic. I'm not mad at you and I don't want to stop being friends with you. I just wanted to let you know how this comes across."

She replied "oh it's not like that...."

Am I overreacting?

Yes, you are over-reacting. You said it was ‘micro-aggression’ but now you know that’s like calling her a racist. This is not how a friend acts.

Hard disagree. Op was appropriate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

She doesn’t need to address it at all, because her friend literally did nothing wrong except disagree with the OP. Everything else is conjecture and speculation invented by the OP. If these exercises are exhausting then by all means OP should not engage these thoughts, or stop being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

Obviously op raised this- and clarified why in a later post- bc this happens a lot with this friend. Op handled it well imo.

She doesn’t need to address it at all, because her friend literally did nothing wrong except disagree with the OP. Everything else is conjecture and speculation invented by the OP. If these exercises are exhausting then by all means OP should not engage these thoughts, or stop being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your text was rude at all. Especially if this has happened before. If a friend said that to me I’d know they put thought into it and were trying to share their feelings w/me.

Same! It always seems that women and especially WOC are supposed to address everything perfectly. That takes so much energy and gets exhausting. Don't listen to the haters, OP. It was an aggression and you said what you needed to say.

She doesn’t need to address it at all, because her friend literally did nothing wrong except disagree with the OP. Everything else is conjecture and speculation invented by the OP. If these exercises are exhausting then by all means OP should not engage these thoughts, or stop being friends.

Lol. OP’s friend has entered the chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

I would love to know how all the women gaslighting OP feel when someone discredits their professional opinion or life experience. Guessing since they all want OP to toughen up, they must not care at all when they are disrespected

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not a microaggression.

Yes, it is. OP, I think it's perfectly fine to let your friend know how you feel, especially if this is a pattern rather than a one-off. But you should have told her right then and there. Not later, via text. That's kinda lame.

So any disagreements between friends who are not both white are mico-aggressive in nature?

Disagreement isn’t a microaggression. People of different races disagree all the time, and that’s normal. The issue in the original example wasn’t disagreement; it was credibility. The OP, a Black woman, shared something based on her education and career experience, and wasn’t believed. The same information was accepted once a white man validated it.

My guess is that friend would have conceded based on any random stranger having interrupted (which is weird in itself) and realized she must be wrong.

Which again, is something that WOC and women in general experience way too often. Why do you need some stranger to validate what this person said to you. Why do you believe the stranger to be more credible than your close friend? Honestly, the fact that so many people here insist this isn't a microagrssion is crazy. Not believing POC when they tell you their experience and how it made them feel is a microaggression in itself.

NP. Agree.

As a white woman I’m well aware of this stat because I’ve been working on understanding my blind spots (and I actually lis tree n to the news, hello Serena Williams), but the bigger issue is that friend showed no curiosity. No desire to understand OP’s stat and experience. If it were me, I’d ask questions, especially when I cared about someone.

Also, that stat is shameful. We should all be ashamed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

[Anonymous]

If this only happened a few times I wouldn’t worry about it very much.

If it happens often then to avoid any future conflict it might be a good idea to simply change the topic of conversation immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

Yes...AND white women deserve it. White women voted for Trump, making lives harder for all, but especially Black women. I'm a white woman who feels this, but then I remind myself of the previous two sentences.

I care about it less from POC, than I do from white men, who are 1000x worse IMO. Not all men obvs, because I'm married to a white man and have two white sons. But, generally, I don't need to be so sensitive. It will pass the better we do. And, clearly this thread proves we have a long way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

Being older does not automatically mean you have to be racist. But if you do not hold yourself accountable, others will. Commit yourself to some introspection and education.

[Anonymous]

I'm a POC lawyer, JD joint MBA from NYU, lead counsel in dozens of federal trials. I can't tell you how many times clients were skeptical of my advice until a 25 y.o. white associate confirmed what I had just said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum is very racist OP. Towards East Asians, Indians, Hispanics, Jews, black people, Arabs, I could go on and on, so don’t listen to what they think.

+1

But also loves to virtue signal in the next breath.

Clearly there is also a widespread hatred of older white women. The constant bashing is racist, ageist and a million other things. But everyone thinks it’s totally fine.

The hatred that is shown to that group would be widely admonished if it was toward any other group of people.

Yes...AND white women deserve it. White women voted for Trump, making lives harder for all, but especially Black women. I'm a white woman who feels this, but then I remind myself of the previous two sentences.

I care about it less from POC, than I do from white men, who are 1000x worse IMO. Not all men obvs, because I'm married to a white man and have two white sons. But, generally, I don't need to be so sensitive. It will pass the better we do. And, clearly this thread proves we have a long way to go.

Not ALL older white women voted for Trump and it gets so frustrating constantly being lumped in with the ones that did. There was even another post about how liberal white women are the worst. Liberal white women certainly didn’t vote for Trump or support anything about him.