Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

And I will repeat myself for the 1000th time. This is harassment. You are in denial, and you are actively minimizing harassment.

It doesnt need to be physical to be harassment. It doesnt need to be aggressive. Please try google if you are having this much difficulty understanding basic concepts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

Are you truly this simple? This incapable of nuance?

Meeting a man at work isn't a problem. Having your compensation determined by a man who wants to get in your pants IS.

POWER IMBALANCE. If there's a power imbalance, it's harassment. If you're the customer and she's working for your tip, and your satisfaction with her performance has anything to do with her reaction to your inappropriate come-ons, rather than with the efficiency of the food delivery and the frequency of the refills, you are harassing her.

I didn't know that whenever a man asks a woman for her phone number it automatically means he wants to "get into your pants." Sorry. My bad.

Right, the 52 year old man trying to lure your teen daughter into giving up her phone number probably wants it for TOTALLY legit reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

I hardly think one tip from one table on one night makes a huge difference to this girl’s future.

A) it is not just one tip B) "oh it won't hurt her financial future" is an insane standard to judge NY whether harassment is acceptable. When I had men yell gross things at me when I was 11 it didn't harm my financial future, didn't make it less creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

Please look up the definition. You seem reluctant to accept that it is harassment, because it is. It's also creepy and disgusting. Trying to change a words definition becuase you dont agree with it isnt how english works.

And just because we disagree doesn't mean you're right. I'm done. Have a good day. You've officially exhausted me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

So your solution is to tell boys to harass girls at their job? Give me a f***ing break.

You are clearly triggered. What would your solution be? To never have the sexes interact in real life settings?

I don't think it is harassment for a guy to ask for a number but it becomes harassment if he can't take no for an answer. The woman needs to be comfortable saying no with confidence and escalating if he cannot take no for an answer.

And you'd be wrong. Because it is harassment. It doesnt need to be physical or aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

Please look up the definition. You seem reluctant to accept that it is harassment, because it is. It's also creepy and disgusting. Trying to change a words definition becuase you dont agree with it isnt how english works.

And just because we disagree doesn't mean you're right. I'm done. Have a good day. You've officially exhausted me.

I'm the one who knows the definition, so by default I'm right lol. You are arguing a words definition based on your feelings. Not how it works bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

Are you truly this simple? This incapable of nuance?

Meeting a man at work isn't a problem. Having your compensation determined by a man who wants to get in your pants IS.

POWER IMBALANCE. If there's a power imbalance, it's harassment. If you're the customer and she's working for your tip, and your satisfaction with her performance has anything to do with her reaction to your inappropriate come-ons, rather than with the efficiency of the food delivery and the frequency of the refills, you are harassing her.

I didn't know that whenever a man asks a woman for her phone number it automatically means he wants to "get into your pants." Sorry. My bad.

Right, the 52 year old man trying to lure your teen daughter into giving up her phone number probably wants it for TOTALLY legit reasons.

She's 17. She "guessed" they were in their 20s. Nobody's 52. You're projecting your own experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

And I will repeat myself for the 1000th time. This is harassment. You are in denial, and you are actively minimizing harassment.

It doesnt need to be physical to be harassment. It doesnt need to be aggressive. Please try google if you are having this much difficulty understanding basic concepts.

You can repeat it a million times but you’re still going to be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

Or he could leave his number and she call call if interested. There is no need to harass women at work.

This. Back in the day, this was not unusual. I never called one, but I also never felt uncomfortable with that approach. Another server did reach out to a customer who did this. He had been a perfect gentleman during his meal, they bantered about baseball, and he left a note asking if she would like to go to the local minor-league team game with him on a certain date. Relevant, specific, and easy to ignore if she wanted.

I remember it because it was SO different from the usual. "Hey you uhhh wanna go out sometime?" or just a phone number on a receipt. It was a master class in how to signal interest without being creepy or threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

Are you truly this simple? This incapable of nuance?

Meeting a man at work isn't a problem. Having your compensation determined by a man who wants to get in your pants IS.

POWER IMBALANCE. If there's a power imbalance, it's harassment. If you're the customer and she's working for your tip, and your satisfaction with her performance has anything to do with her reaction to your inappropriate come-ons, rather than with the efficiency of the food delivery and the frequency of the refills, you are harassing her.

I didn't know that whenever a man asks a woman for her phone number it automatically means he wants to "get into your pants." Sorry. My bad.

Right, the 52 year old man trying to lure your teen daughter into giving up her phone number probably wants it for TOTALLY legit reasons.

She's 17. She "guessed" they were in their 20s. Nobody's 52. You're projecting your own experience.

Oh, never mind, the 28 year old man with zip ties in his backpocket probably wants your teen daughters number for completely non-sexual reasons!

Grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

And I will repeat myself for the 1000th time. This is harassment. You are in denial, and you are actively minimizing harassment.

It doesnt need to be physical to be harassment. It doesnt need to be aggressive. Please try google if you are having this much difficulty understanding basic concepts.

You can repeat it a million times but you’re still going to be wrong.

Nope. Try again. It's 100% harassment. Your denial of reality does not change facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

Please look up the definition. You seem reluctant to accept that it is harassment, because it is. It's also creepy and disgusting. Trying to change a words definition becuase you dont agree with it isnt how english works.

And just because we disagree doesn't mean you're right. I'm done. Have a good day. You've officially exhausted me.

I'm the one who knows the definition, so by default I'm right lol. You are arguing a words definition based on your feelings. Not how it works bud.

One of us is being rational, or at least trying to be. The other is screaming into the internet. Which of us has "feelings" about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

Or he could leave his number and she call call if interested. There is no need to harass women at work.

This. Back in the day, this was not unusual. I never called one, but I also never felt uncomfortable with that approach. Another server did reach out to a customer who did this. He had been a perfect gentleman during his meal, they bantered about baseball, and he left a note asking if she would like to go to the local minor-league team game with him on a certain date. Relevant, specific, and easy to ignore if she wanted.

I remember it because it was SO different from the usual. "Hey you uhhh wanna go out sometime?" or just a phone number on a receipt. It was a master class in how to signal interest without being creepy or threatening.

Yes! So many creepy ass dudes defending harassment when there are totally normal ways of asking someone out. Its clear they have major issues with women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

Please look up the definition. You seem reluctant to accept that it is harassment, because it is. It's also creepy and disgusting. Trying to change a words definition becuase you dont agree with it isnt how english works.

And just because we disagree doesn't mean you're right. I'm done. Have a good day. You've officially exhausted me.

I'm the one who knows the definition, so by default I'm right lol. You are arguing a words definition based on your feelings. Not how it works bud.

One of us is being rational, or at least trying to be. The other is screaming into the internet. Which of us has "feelings" about this?

Screaming? Hardly. No need to get emotional about someone pointing out what is and is not harassment. In this case, it is. I'm sure any time you speak with a woman they claim harassment too, but that doesnt change that this is absolutely the definition of harassment. Move on if you want to keep denying factual definitions, but you won't "win" anything by lying to yourself here.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if it's one person trying to justify this or multiple creepy men, but you really need to understand: this is harassment. Idk why y'all so sensitive to it (actually, I do), but it doesnt matter. This is textbook harassment and OPs daughter doesnt welcome it. If you cant interact with women without harassing them you need to stay the F home.