Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

Or he could leave his number and she call call if interested. There is no need to harass women at work.

This. Back in the day, this was not unusual. I never called one, but I also never felt uncomfortable with that approach. Another server did reach out to a customer who did this. He had been a perfect gentleman during his meal, they bantered about baseball, and he left a note asking if she would like to go to the local minor-league team game with him on a certain date. Relevant, specific, and easy to ignore if she wanted.

I remember it because it was SO different from the usual. "Hey you uhhh wanna go out sometime?" or just a phone number on a receipt. It was a master class in how to signal interest without being creepy or threatening.

Yes! So many creepy ass dudes defending harassment when there are totally normal ways of asking someone out. Its clear they have major issues with women.

Their issue is that they don't like power imbalances that aren't in their favor. And this approach puts the power in the woman's hands. Can't have that! Much better to put her on the spot and watch her squirm, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

Or he could leave his number and she call call if interested. There is no need to harass women at work.

This. Back in the day, this was not unusual. I never called one, but I also never felt uncomfortable with that approach. Another server did reach out to a customer who did this. He had been a perfect gentleman during his meal, they bantered about baseball, and he left a note asking if she would like to go to the local minor-league team game with him on a certain date. Relevant, specific, and easy to ignore if she wanted.

I remember it because it was SO different from the usual. "Hey you uhhh wanna go out sometime?" or just a phone number on a receipt. It was a master class in how to signal interest without being creepy or threatening.

Yes! So many creepy ass dudes defending harassment when there are totally normal ways of asking someone out. Its clear they have major issues with women.

Their issue is that they don't like power imbalances that aren't in their favor. And this approach puts the power in the woman's hands. Can't have that! Much better to put her on the spot and watch her squirm, amirite?

Hmm thats an interesting point. Some of these men definitely get off on women HAVING to be nice to them (because they are paid to) and taking advantage of whatever they can. 100% harassment.

[Anonymous]

There’s a thread with more appropriate jobs for teens that you should check out OP.

[Anonymous]

She works at a low class restaurant. She can ask to switch tables with a male co-worker at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is waiting tables this summer, and gets hit on/ asked for her number. It makes her really uncomfortable. And she says it wrecks her focus and she doesn't feel like she does as good a job after one of these incidents. Of course I've told her it gets better with practice (ugh) and that this is just part of being in the world, but I still hate it for her.

I was a waitress at her age too, and remember lots of inappropriate men but I was pretty bold at that age and it didn't ruin my day the way it does hers. She and I have very different personalities. I once dumped a pitcher of ice water on a guy who patted my butt. She would shrivel up and die if someone did that to her.

I'd love some ideas on how she can respond to them, and for reframing these interactions for her.

She will have to grow up.
She could try making herself less attractive, but men will flirt with anything so that might not help that much.

[Anonymous]

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/19B6rEJwth/

Just saw this video and it seemed quite apt.

[Anonymous]

Story as old as time, unfortunately

[Anonymous]

Children should not be working in adult industries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a thread with more appropriate jobs for teens that you should check out OP.

Well spotted. You are definitely keeping up with the conversation.

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children should not be working in adult industries.

She's not doing porn ffs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children should not be working in adult industries.

She's not doing porn ffs

Certainly hope not, but the OP should find out what kind of restaurant this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children should not be working in adult industries.

Unless waitressing has stepped up a notch since the introduction of Hooters and other breast-aurants, I wouldn't call it an "adult industry."

[Anonymous]

At 17, she’s too young for a restaurant where 20-somethings can legally flirt, even if it’s harmless. Quitting saves her from a job that’s a mismatch for her age—why endure that chaos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17, she’s too young for a restaurant where 20-somethings can legally flirt, even if it’s harmless. Quitting saves her from a job that’s a mismatch for her age—why endure that chaos?

Why do anything that's hard at first?

[Anonymous]

You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.