Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why can't she just ignore them? I mean seriously.

It’s a job. A service job. The job is to make the customers experience a good one. This isn’t about telling off catcallers. It’s about a difficult but universal challenge of a whole sector of the workforce: Not being a jerk even when the customer deserves it.

So she can’t just ignore inappropriate advances? Are you fking kidding me?

Clearly, you've never been in this position. Lucky you.

Yeah, I am a guy so no. But I don’t understand why you can’t tell your daughter to stand your ground. No money is worth putting up with it. I tell my daughter to NEVER let guys (or anyone else) push her around. Some things are more important than few $.

Standing your ground as a woman isn’t always safe. At a restaurant, sure, it’s fine. In other situations your daughter will have to use charm or lie to get away from creeps safely. Ask your wife.

I don't disagree but I think OP's daughter works at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

A seventeen year old child should NOT be a waitress. You’re a bad mom for letting her take that job.

I don’t think you are a bad mom, but I do agree that I would not let my teen daughter be a server. It’s the power and age differential that is too much for a teen to deal with.

Millions of teens are doing just fine being a server starting at age 14. Teens who are overprotected like that are anxious and overreact to everything . She’ll be fine. She needs to talk to the other waitresses for advice. Otherwise she’ll learn soon enough and it’s doubtful it happens too often unless she’s in a bar for singles.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

So in your opinion, what is harassment?

Harassment is not taking no for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Wrong. All women, and really, all people, should be safe from harassment at their job. This is not appropriate behavior. It doesnt matter her age or the age of people harassing her. It's inappropriate and should not be happening. Your bizarre claim that it's ok in some certain circumstances is flat out wrong.

Where did these claims of "harassment" come from? The OP said people asked for her number. That's not harassment.

So in your opinion, what is harassment?

Harassment is not taking no for an answer.

OP's daughter is being harassed?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

Based on the OP even posting this, fretting about what a 17 year old should do when a guy asks for a phone number, it sounds like the teen might not have as much resilience as a typical teen has. I don’t think money is always involved when creating a helpless teen.
I think you and your husband are overly involved and you’re doing just what he claims to hate.

I had two college professors ask me out. One on the last day of class. The other I met him through my work study. Is that also harassment ? I don’t think so and I know my parents didn’t get involved because I didn’t tell them. Same with my waitress jobs starting at 17. It happens everywhere.