Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

I mean yeah. Youre right. Men harass women all the time, and use excuses like this to justify it. If you are hitting on women while they are working their job, you are harassing them. Maybe you dont like being called out because you do it, but please stop.

You need to relax. You have no idea who you're talking to. You're just digging your heels in.

Yes, men harass women all the time. Yes, they use excuses to justify it. But that doesn't mean that every interaction between men and women in a workplace environment that doesn't relate to the work and that may lead to a relationship outside of work is harassment. Not legally, not culturally, not ethically, not morally, not practically and not as a species. Like everything else in this life, there are lines -- yes. But they're not always so clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

I hardly think one tip from one table on one night makes a huge difference to this girl’s future.

Harassment is harassment. Stop harassing girls when theyre just trying to do their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

I mean yeah. Youre right. Men harass women all the time, and use excuses like this to justify it. If you are hitting on women while they are working their job, you are harassing them. Maybe you dont like being called out because you do it, but please stop.

You need to relax. You have no idea who you're talking to. You're just digging your heels in.

Yes, men harass women all the time. Yes, they use excuses to justify it. But that doesn't mean that every interaction between men and women in a workplace environment that doesn't relate to the work and that may lead to a relationship outside of work is harassment. Not legally, not culturally, not ethically, not morally, not practically and not as a species. Like everything else in this life, there are lines -- yes. But they're not always so clear.

Why would I want to relax when you are trying to justify harassing women? You're so f***ed if you think this is fine and not harassment. Your denial of reality is not cool, and its really damaging for girls and women.

[Anonymous]

NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

I mean yeah. Youre right. Men harass women all the time, and use excuses like this to justify it. If you are hitting on women while they are working their job, you are harassing them. Maybe you dont like being called out because you do it, but please stop.

You need to relax. You have no idea who you're talking to. You're just digging your heels in.

Yes, men harass women all the time. Yes, they use excuses to justify it. But that doesn't mean that every interaction between men and women in a workplace environment that doesn't relate to the work and that may lead to a relationship outside of work is harassment. Not legally, not culturally, not ethically, not morally, not practically and not as a species. Like everything else in this life, there are lines -- yes. But they're not always so clear.

The definition has been posted. You are in denial. Likely because you use this tactic to harass young girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

Or he could leave his number and she call call if interested. There is no need to harass women at work.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and just for the record, I never said anything about harassment. I think it's pathetic for men to hit on waitresses, and can easily verge into creepy (it is never welcome, fellas), but given how the world is, I would be doing my daughter a disservice if I advised her to make a scene about it. It's to be dealt with. As these comments demonstrate, it will never stop.

I was just hoping for some quick and lighthearted strategies to share with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

So your solution is to tell boys to harass girls at their job? Give me a f***ing break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and just for the record, I never said anything about harassment. I think it's pathetic for men to hit on waitresses, and can easily verge into creepy (it is never welcome, fellas), but given how the world is, I would be doing my daughter a disservice if I advised her to make a scene about it. It's to be dealt with. As these comments demonstrate, it will never stop.

I was just hoping for some quick and lighthearted strategies to share with her.

When you posted that your child is uncomfortable with men making inappropriate advances towards her in the workplace, you talked about harassment. You may have not known the word to place it, but that's exactly what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

Your shameful misogyny is showing.

??
Its misogyny to want girls to be safe from harassment at their jobs? Do explain.

Still wondering how this is misogyny lol. Y'all men are so delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let your underage daughter work in a restaurant OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out - while they are working. You seem really defensive over this. Maybe some introspection on why you continually harass women and minimize it when it happens to others.

It's not even just the work aspect, the power dynamic involved in being a server means a waiter knows their tip is at risk if they upset their patron. So asking out a server during dinner is a huge no no because of that financial pressure.

Absolutely. Some incredibly creepy men who keep trying to justify their perviness. How many teen girls have they harassed themselves?

Sigh. I guess I have to repeat myself for the 1000th time. Yes, it's almost always creepy and disgusting to ask a server for her phone number. That doesn't make it "harassment" in every single instance. It makes it creepy and disgusting.

Please look up the definition. You seem reluctant to accept that it is harassment, because it is. It's also creepy and disgusting. Trying to change a words definition becuase you dont agree with it isnt how english works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know more. First, how old is the kid? Second, how exactly is she being "hit on" besides being asked for her number? Third, how old are the guys who are doing the hitting on/number asking? Finally, how often is this happening?

Depending on these answers, the range of responses could be anywhere from "this is disgusting, she needs to quit NOW" to "she's not cut out to be a server and needs to quit now."

Women shouldn't need to quit, they should be able to feel safe doing their job.

Depends on the answers to my questions. If we're talking about a 16 year old who can't handle another 16 year old asking for her number while she's a server not feeling "safe," then she's the problem. She needs to find another job where she can feel "safe."

I have an irrational fear of heights. That doesn't mean that the operators of a toll bridge with the collection booth on top are obligated to make me feel "safe" up there. It just means I have to work somewhere else.

Please stop hitting on girls/women just trying to do their job. Your questions are irrelevant.

I have daughters. I'm not saying this SHOULD happen. I think it's gross. But that doesn't necessarily make it harassment per se. I think context matters here just like everywhere else.

We're a tipping culture. You may not like it, but it is what it is. If you can't provide service with a smile and allow some gentle banter, then your tips are going to suffer and the job might not be for you. Yes, on occasion you're going to have to deal with some idiot who's socially awkward who misinterprets things and does something stupid like ask for your number. That, in itself, is not harassment. It just isn't. At least not in every instance and under all circumstances. If you can't help but get flustered over any kind of flirting by any customer when you're a server, to the point that it effects how you work (as OP says it is for her daughter), well, then maybe it's just not the job for you. If more than that is going on consistently, then yes there's a problem.

That's why I said we need context. If you can't understand such a thing as nuance or context, then there's no dealing with you. No one, least of all me, is saying that a young woman server has to put up with any bullshit that an idiot customer dishes out.

Except it does. Simple as that. Your denial of reality or trying to change the definition of a word because you dont like it just simply doesnt matter.

Then I guess every woman who has ever dated any man she's met at work is an unknowing victim of sexual harassment.

Are you truly this simple? This incapable of nuance?

Meeting a man at work isn't a problem. Having your compensation determined by a man who wants to get in your pants IS.

POWER IMBALANCE. If there's a power imbalance, it's harassment. If you're the customer and she's working for your tip, and your satisfaction with her performance has anything to do with her reaction to your inappropriate come-ons, rather than with the efficiency of the food delivery and the frequency of the refills, you are harassing her.

I didn't know that whenever a man asks a woman for her phone number it automatically means he wants to "get into your pants." Sorry. My bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, so if a boy/man is interested in a waitress, what should he do?
1. He should never be interested in a waitress?
2. He should wait until she gets off work and then ask her for her number?
3. Ask her while he is there or right before he leaves?

Because surely you all can't be saying that men cannot approach women they see and show interest. Young people are already not coupling and that would just make it worse. And most of the day in public, someone is working, either the man or the woman. Just...based on statistics and hours of the day

So your solution is to tell boys to harass girls at their job? Give me a f***ing break.

You are clearly triggered. What would your solution be? To never have the sexes interact in real life settings?

I don't think it is harassment for a guy to ask for a number but it becomes harassment if he can't take no for an answer. The woman needs to be comfortable saying no with confidence and escalating if he cannot take no for an answer.