Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

I’m going to guess that they had a conversation while he was towing her car, and they made a connection.

Nope! He gave her his card to find out where her car was towed to. She was picked up from the accident scene by family. She called him the next day about her car, she thanked him for trying to calm her down, told him she was glad it was a cute guy who came to her rescue, and she asked him if he wanted to meet up.

Lesson: it’s endearing when women hit on men (even at work) and it’s TOXIC HARASSMENT men when hit on women.

Hopefully men start paying attention. Women don’t want to be hit on the same way men want to be hit on.

If men that hit on women end up hooking up with more women than men that do not, nothing will change. The only way for it to change is for women to specifically hook up with the respectful types more than the players. I’m married and have no dog in this hunt anymore, I’m just observing.

We’re not talking about women. This is a child.

We’re talking about a 17 year old that 20 year old are flirting with. 20 year olds that have no idea what her age is because she’s doing a job that involves serving alcohol and so is typically limited to 18 or even 21 plus.

I feel like people are missing this. There are 17-year-olds that look indistinguishable from someone in their low 20s. OP should tell her daughter to response with an "I'm 17" if she gets asked out. 95% of guys will get flustered and apologize.

95% of guys wouldn’t be asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to wear a fake wedding or engagement ring. "Sorry, already taken!"

This.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My daughter is waiting tables this summer, and gets hit on/ asked for her number. It makes her really uncomfortable. And she says it wrecks her focus and she doesn't feel like she does as good a job after one of these incidents. Of course I've told her it gets better with practice (ugh) and that this is just part of being in the world, but I still hate it for her.

I was a waitress at her age too, and remember lots of inappropriate men but I was pretty bold at that age and it didn't ruin my day the way it does hers. She and I have very different personalities. I once dumped a pitcher of ice water on a guy who patted my butt. She would shrivel up and die if someone did that to her.

I'd love some ideas on how she can respond to them, and for reframing these interactions for her.

Tell her to politely say "no thanks" or ignore as appropriate. If it gets out of hand, she needs to talk with her boss. It can be difficult, but she will need to learn how to handle herself. Turn someone down politely, then be blunt, then escalate as needed.

If anyone touches her, becomes verbally inappropriate, or doesn't take a direct "no" for an answer- that's the time to escalate. Once your DD becomes more confident and learns how to effectively deal with these situations, it will stop ruining her day.

This is the best response here. I do recommend running lines with her a bit just so she has them ready to go. This is only bothering her because it’s new to her. Once you get ckmfortable saying “no” it’s actually pretty easy to do!

[Anonymous]

Thanks we’ll try the role playing

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between being asked for a number and being verbally abused. When asked for a number she should be polite and say no and move on. If being verbally abused she should go to her boss. When I was a waitress and someone got abusive I’d go to the bartender and he would deal with it. He would often see it happening so it wasn’t a she said, he said situation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

Part of being a mom is teaching your daughter how to navigate the unwanted (and wanted!) advances of potential romantic partners.

Teach her to send clear non verbal and verbal indications of disinterest and when/how/who to reach out to if the man is overly persistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

Part of being a mom is teaching your daughter how to navigate the unwanted (and wanted!) advances of potential romantic partners.

Teach her to send clear non verbal and verbal indications of disinterest and when/how/who to reach out to if the man is overly persistent.

This is why the OP needs to go with her 17 y.o DD to work, and when these these, MEN harass her daughter then OP needs to get in their faces about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

Hear that, parents? Don’t send your daughters to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

Part of being a mom is teaching your daughter how to navigate the unwanted (and wanted!) advances of potential romantic partners.

Teach her to send clear non verbal and verbal indications of disinterest and when/how/who to reach out to if the man is overly persistent.

This is why the OP needs to go with her 17 y.o DD to work, and when these these, MEN harass her daughter then OP needs to get in their faces about it.

Sure, that won’t be embarrassing and probably lead to the manager firing her…but other than that, great idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

Part of being a mom is teaching your daughter how to navigate the unwanted (and wanted!) advances of potential romantic partners.

Teach her to send clear non verbal and verbal indications of disinterest and when/how/who to reach out to if the man is overly persistent.

This is why the OP needs to go with her 17 y.o DD to work, and when these these, MEN harass her daughter then OP needs to get in their faces about it.

Sure, that won’t be embarrassing and probably lead to the manager firing her…but other than that, great idea

Pp was being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

Hear that, parents? Don’t send your daughters to college.

We sent our DD to a women’s college to avoid her having to be around men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

Hear that, parents? Don’t send your daughters to college.

NO, just teach your daughters how to shut it down when an in appropriate advance is made. There are also pervs in business, medicine and law - just teach them how to recognize and navigate around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

I'd not get life advice from a college professor. Book smart maybe, life smart? No.

+1

Let's not forget that many moms/friends have had to teach their daughters how to fend off unwanted advances from college professors. Weirdos and pervs, almost all of them.

Hear that, parents? Don’t send your daughters to college.

We sent our DD to a women’s college to avoid her having to be around men.

Hahaha. While there may not be biological men, there are lots of women pretending to be men, on testosterone supplements, at women's colleges. They can sexually harass you as well. And do.