Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is waiting tables this summer, and gets hit on/ asked for her number. It makes her really uncomfortable. And she says it wrecks her focus and she doesn't feel like she does as good a job after one of these incidents. Of course I've told her it gets better with practice (ugh) and that this is just part of being in the world, but I still hate it for her.

I was a waitress at her age too, and remember lots of inappropriate men but I was pretty bold at that age and it didn't ruin my day the way it does hers. She and I have very different personalities. I once dumped a pitcher of ice water on a guy who patted my butt. She would shrivel up and die if someone did that to her.

I'd love some ideas on how she can respond to them, and for reframing these interactions for her.

[Anonymous]

She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

What type of restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately this is extremely common waiting tables.

A) she needs to make sure management has her back. If this is the kind of place that won't stuck up for staff, she needs to quit.

B) Sadly this stuff happens. I no joke, got hit on when I was working for a prosecutor. I often personally just ignore stuff or go "no" quickly and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

I started working full-time as a cocktail waitress when I was 19. This wasn’t for fun, I wasn’t making play money: I was supporting myself, paying rent and all my other bills with this job.

Getting hit on is just the name of the game. Advise her to be breezy and professional. I never had anyone push it or go too far.

Her manager will laugh in your face if you try to intervene or say anything. Why do you think places hire pretty waitresses/bartenders?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

[Anonymous]

Tell her to wear a fake wedding or engagement ring. "Sorry, already taken!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

+1

And sorry, but she needs to learn ways to deal. Because it’ll happen for decades. Some men are gross.

Can you give examples? I mean, if they flirt verbally, she should redirect the conversation. If after one time, the customer won’t stop, she should talk to her manager.

It’s really hard to guide without examples.

Also-I’m not saying your daughter is doing this, but there is a trend among younger people to say that everything causes them anxiety and then they don’t ever resolve anything. I’m talking about ridiculous examples, e.g. are very upset by their manicures, but they say they have anxiety and they couldn’t say anything to the nail tech during their 1.5 hour appointment and what can they do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

This is the kind of attitude the perverts are counting on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is waiting tables this summer, and gets hit on/ asked for her number. It makes her really uncomfortable. And she says it wrecks her focus and she doesn't feel like she does as good a job after one of these incidents. Of course I've told her it gets better with practice (ugh) and that this is just part of being in the world, but I still hate it for her.

I was a waitress at her age too, and remember lots of inappropriate men but I was pretty bold at that age and it didn't ruin my day the way it does hers. She and I have very different personalities. I once dumped a pitcher of ice water on a guy who patted my butt. She would shrivel up and die if someone did that to her.

I'd love some ideas on how she can respond to them, and for reframing these interactions for her.

I feel this. It sucks being a young woman in this world. And she's doing a job where of course she needs to try to keep it light because they are tipping her. She's going to have to learn to deal. Keep it light and breezy would be my advice to her. I'm taken (with a smile)! If any customer persists past that she should get her manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

Daughter should also feel free to talk through what boss says with mom and quit if necessary. Do you have any experience with the restaurant industry? Certainly some shady people in that biz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

This is the kind of attitude the perverts are counting on.

Land the chopper Karen. If you haven’t raised your child in a way they can handle a simple question with no thank you, then you have bigger issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

You are ignorant on this topic and you don't belong in this thread.

Any restaurant owner/ manager would laugh at a server who complained about men asking for her number. And while I'm sympathetic to young women who get unwanted attention, I also can't see how a manager would police that.