PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

You're the problem, it's you.

Just know that at some point in your life your kids are going to want to be included too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

THIS. Some of you are being deliberately obtuse in order to justify raising your kids in a shi---ty way. No one is saying go up to someone you've never met/talked to and invite them to Hoco. Jesus, people.

Kinda begs the question though, if they haven't asked already, are they really friends? Or, on the flip side, if they really are friends, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask them if you can join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

Responsible, maybe not. But do you want your kids to be socially aware of others’ well-being? Because that’s basically the definition of friendship.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

THIS. Some of you are being deliberately obtuse in order to justify raising your kids in a shi---ty way. No one is saying go up to someone you've never met/talked to and invite them to Hoco. Jesus, people.

Kinda begs the question though, if they haven't asked already, are they really friends? Or, on the flip side, if they really are friends, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask them if you can join.

It must be hard to lack the imagination to this degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Some kids don't have a friend group. They have individual friends. If those friends join other friend groups, it's very easy for a kid to end up with no plans. Can you see how that works?


Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.




Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

Some kids don't have a friend group. They have individual friends. If those friends join other friend groups, it's very easy for a kid to end up with no plans. Can you see how that works?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

THIS. Some of you are being deliberately obtuse in order to justify raising your kids in a shi---ty way. No one is saying go up to someone you've never met/talked to and invite them to Hoco. Jesus, people.

Kinda begs the question though, if they haven't asked already, are they really friends? Or, on the flip side, if they really are friends, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask them if you can join.

It must be hard to lack the imagination to this degree.

I think you're imagining a scenario where the kid actually has friends. They do not (as OP said). Just because they have a snap streak or say hi in the hallway does not mean they are friends. and OP is asking for people to "check in" with people that they are not friends or do not have any personal relationship with.

You're changing this hypothetical because you don't want to be wrong. But you very much are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

DP. I’m in my 40s and I can still remember several occasions in high school when girls in my core, tight group of friends invited other people to hang out with us. People we didn’t all know as well, but had gotten to know one person. It was fun, always. Never a big deal.

Not everyone has a friend group, per se. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

THIS. Some of you are being deliberately obtuse in order to justify raising your kids in a shi---ty way. No one is saying go up to someone you've never met/talked to and invite them to Hoco. Jesus, people.

Kinda begs the question though, if they haven't asked already, are they really friends? Or, on the flip side, if they really are friends, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to ask them if you can join.

It must be hard to lack the imagination to this degree.

I think you're imagining a scenario where the kid actually has friends. They do not (as OP said). Just because they have a snap streak or say hi in the hallway does not mean they are friends. and OP is asking for people to "check in" with people that they are not friends or do not have any personal relationship with.

You're changing this hypothetical because you don't want to be wrong. But you very much are

I can change the hypothetical any way I want because any way I change it, it is still nicer to make sure people have plans for Hoco and to include those that don't then it is to go about raising self-centered jerks like you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

No OP didn’t say that. OP said “not everyone has a friend group” and to reach out to those they know. You might think it’s lovely to reach out to someone you walk past in the classroom on the way to your seat. But lots of us who raise really genuinely nice kids think that’s a charity invite and charity invites are offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so you expect the kids that are organizing their own things and going with their own friends to reach out to the kids that they aren't really friends with to see if they want to tag along?

Sorry, but no. As a PP said, this isn't pre-k. You don't have to invite the whole class to your party anymore.

Yes, it would be the nice/right thing to do! That is what I am saying.

It might be nice, but it isn't how the world works. If you are implying to your children that it is, you are part of the problem with how they are developing social skills. You might need to call in someone to help you with those skills.

I could be how it works. But you teach your kid that it's ok to exclude or to be obtuse about other kids maybe needing a little help or invitation. That's on you and how YOU are shaping your kid (and "the world") not me. (NP).

Nope. Prepare your child for the road not the road for your child. You do the parenting don’t expect teens to bail you out.

Translation. Prepare your child for assH7les in the world such as me and my child.

Don’t be aholes then.

Yeah, longing to be included is such an ahole trait. Totally the same as what you describe.

So your kid doesn’t have to put in the effort but other kids do?

OMG. Please just stay away from people. Like all of us.

Keep blaming others.

I'm not blaming others, you dipshit. OP expressed a nice sentiment and only aholes like you go and shit all over her idea that it might be nice to include the kids who might be struggling. I'm so glad that you and your kids are perfect in every way and NEVER EVER need help with anything. And when you do, I hope you don't get it.

This. I am so glad my kids seem to have friends whose parents model inclusivity and kindness. It's not nearly as hard as the defensive posters are pretending it is.

How many fringe kids were in your kids homecoming group? Just curious.

First of all, stop calling them "fringe kids". It's offensive.
Second of all, OP wasn't saying to include random kids. She was saying to check in with friends/acquaintances about their plans. Most likely most will have plans or no interest in going but there is an off chance someone wants to go and doesn't have a friend group. Including that person is not going to kill anyone.

No OP didn’t say that. OP said “not everyone has a friend group” and to reach out to those they know. You might think it’s lovely to reach out to someone you walk past in the classroom on the way to your seat. But lots of us who raise really genuinely nice kids think that’s a charity invite and charity invites are offensive.

DP. Can you read? OP has explained what she meant numerous times, including just a few posts up. Nobody, not a single poster, is endorsing charity invites. Give it a rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a poor message to give kids. I don’t want my kids to feel socially responsible for others well being. I except them to be nice in person to others, and to not gossip, but past that, I’m not telling them whom to invite where. That is up to them. And they shouldn’t feel guilt for not thinking of someone. That isn’t their problem. Where does “inclusiveness” start and stop? You cannot possibly account for every acquaintance. I advise my teens to go with whomever they want to go alone and meet up with whenever is there and have fun.

It's not their problem making sure their friends have a plan/are set for hoco? It may come as a surprise to you but kids can have friends in different friend groups or just be friends with individual kids. Are you suggesting your kid shouldn't reach out to their actual friends to make sure they're set for Hoco because that's a burden you don't want them to have? If so, WOW. No wonder this world is as effed as it is.

Stop changing the context.

OP LITERALLY said that her kid doesnt have a friend group.

Of course friends check in on each other. OP is asking for more than that

I am the OP. I am asking that friends should check on people they know to make sure they have plans. That doesn't mean walking up to everyone and asking. It doesn't even mean asking people in their classes. It just means being mindful to be inclusive and to check on those they do talk to.

Welp, you probably should have said that more clearly. Because people responded to what you wrote.

And FWIW, I think you're just changing your story now because you read through 10 posts of people saying your ask is unreasonable

[Anonymous]

OP. Please listen carefully. Your kid is having social issues. They clearly don't quite get what to do to make it better. You are suggesting things that don't make any sense. It just isn't how social circles work, and it isn't age appropriate for kids to be including their parents in these decisions. It is your child that has a problem. Instead of throwing out blame to the world, actually work on it. Make sure that you are teaching them social skills. Please get help from someone else, as this post makes it very clear why your child isn't learning them from you.

Please don't take this harshly. There are many people here on the spectrum. They need direct instruction. Please make sure that your child is getting this instruction from someone more qualified than you.