Jealous of Big Law partner spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40 year old EP, DC office of large global firm. Should make about $1.5MM this year and wife hasn’t worked for about 5 years. She takes care of the kids, manages doctors, groceries, housekeeper, and pretty much everything else in our lives. Overall seems to like it, but she would never expect that anyone else would be jealous of that. It’s not like we have enough money to be living a different lifestyle from most in the DMV suburbs.

Only point I wanted to make on this: those who think every biglaw partner is working night and day have no idea what you’re talking about. I bill around 1400 hours per year, have maybe 2000-2100 all in. That’s nothing, basically 40 hours a week. Plenty of colleagues do the same. I almost never work weekends other than maybe an hour of prep and admin Sunday afternoon. Have never missed a vacation, and rarely do more than 3-4 hours of work/calls per trip. I mostly work from home, drive one kid to school every day, cook dinner a lot, have coached multiple teams, and we go camping and hiking as a family all the time. Honestly couldn’t be happier with the balance we’ve got.

Now, I’m never going to be a $5MM-$10MM take home guy. Those folks do tend to work a LOT more, or else they’re either really good at BD or fell ass backwards into a book. But I should be able to run this out in the $1.5-$2.5 range for 20+ years if I wanted to. (I don’t, but nice to know it’s an option.)

You are on the chopping block if you are billing 1400 hours and taking in $1.5M. Bad economics for the firm.

I expect the PP is likely in a niche DC specialty at a very large and profitable firm based elsewhere, and is allowed to fly under the radar some because his specialty is necessary, the firm is very profitable generally with no major financial issues even during downturns, but they are tucked away in an smaller branch office. $1.5 is high for some firms but would be considered low or middling for some of the tippy top global firms.

I have known partners like this and they have a good gig. It's not standard though. You either have to luck into it or make some very strategic choices early on to make it happen. And even then, there's not a guarantee -- if the firm hits rough waters or your speciality undergoes major shake ups, the whole thing might fall apart.

It's a different story at DC-based firms, or any firm where 1.5m would put you in the top 30% of earners at the firm. People will catch on. Also, this PP should be wary of how merger could impact them. Industry consolidation is heating up again post-Covid and if their firm were to merge even with a boutique or midsize firm that impacted his specialty, they may either have to increase their billables considerably or see a major reduction in take home.

Yeah, this is pretty much it.

But it’s also roughly 1/3 (I’d guess) of DC based partners. Very, very different market from NY where this kind of practice is much harder to develop.

Finreg, IM, OFAC/Sanctions, CFIUS and Trade Controls, ERISA, FDA, on and on. I’m sure a bunch of areas I don’t even know. You bill 1400-1600 hours at roughly $1750-$2000/hour, provide an indispensable service for major clients (absent which the firm loses deals and clients go elsewhere), you maintain a small book of your own, and you draw on senior relationships in your niche area to generate the occasional home run low/mid 7-figure matter. The best in this space generate 2 or 3 of the latter per year, make a ton, and bill even less. Those of us who are squarely mid don’t make top dollar but have a pretty decent setup.

But, you can explain this all day long and this thread demonstrates some people will simply refuse to believe it. If their miserable litigation drone income partner bills 2500 and hates life, that must be true for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

That’s not normal or common regardless of how many times you insist otherwise. But feel free to keep trying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

No, Linda, MOST people actually can’t have both. LUCKY YOU!!! Is that what you desperately need us to say to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

No, Linda, MOST people actually can’t have both. LUCKY YOU!!! Is that what you desperately need us to say to you?

I’m one of the first PPs who noted my DH has only missed dinner once in 6 months and FYI there have been a ton of seemingly different posters here claiming they or their spouse have fairly balanced lives. I’ve been following but have not posted most of these positive comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

No, Linda, MOST people actually can’t have both. LUCKY YOU!!! Is that what you desperately need us to say to you?

I’m one of the first PPs who noted my DH has only missed dinner once in 6 months and FYI there have been a ton of seemingly different posters here claiming they or their spouse have fairly balanced lives. I’ve been following but have not posted most of these positive comments.

So you think MOST people have a 7 figure income with a spouse home for dinner every night? Really? Please tell me you are not that out of touch. The smugness is unreal. Your spouse got lucky. You got even luckier because you don't even have to do the work. Count your blessings and stop acting like this is achieveable for everyone without extreme stress.

[Anonymous]

Big law partner spouse here, but I don't SAH. Of course the people getting home for dinner log back on right away. And maybe they are there, but they duck into their office to handle a few calls for most of the evening.

Anyways, it's not worth the money. We met in law school and I work a much more reasonable, still lucrative job.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the whole thread but there is a high rate or drug/alcohol issues among lawyers (at least according the legal press), and based on my observations a high rate of divorce. So maybe not the greatest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big law partner spouse here, but I don't SAH. Of course the people getting home for dinner log back on right away. And maybe they are there, but they duck into their office to handle a few calls for most of the evening.

Anyways, it's not worth the money. We met in law school and I work a much more reasonable, still lucrative job.

Its certainly worth it to these women who don't work and apparently have husbands who are fully at their disposal by 5:30pm every night. I notice none of them are sharing firm names or practice groups. My big law husband would sign up tomorrow to make $2-3M and be done by dinner every night. He makes a high salary (upper 6 figures) but nothing like these women are saying and is stressed and pretty miserable even though he likes the actual work. Just not the constant "emergencies" and jerk clients who all need their work "ASAP!!" He hasn't had an uninterrupted vacation since finishing law school. Do share the deets PP's!

[Anonymous]

The “only missed dinner once in six months”
poster is so full of shit I can smell it from here. I can’t think of any parent in any job, whether a big law partner or a garbage collector, who never, ever, ever, EVER has to miss dinner with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP who works with a lot of big law teams but isn’t a lawyer.

I get the impression, by and large, these people are mostly happy, work a ton, motivated by their work (and motivated that their work makes money). I think the more likely unicorn is the 10M/Yr partner who is consumed by work and only a rainmaker bc he/she is always grinding. I think the average story is one of a busy professional who is doing slightly more hours than the standard higher powered DC job, achieves a passable work/life balance, etc. times have changed, most of the big attorneys I know truly value family time, vacation, etc. Millennials have been law firm partners for a few years now. COVID happened. There are different values in play than 10 years ago.

It’s still a high stress, demanding, very busy, long hour lifestyle, but I don’t think the standard story is one of a movie character who is totally checked out and home and always working and on the phone and is just money grubbing and always looking for a bigger and bigger paycheck.

No one is saying that. But these guys are working on vacation, logging in most nights after dinner for more than just to “check emails”, and definitely are not coaching sports or sharing an equal load at home. In fact, on other threads that are about SAH with teenagers, these same wives all insist they “must” keep staying home because of the demands of her husbands “big job.” They are just playing both sides of the fiddle.

I said earlier that I only work 30-40hrs a week. That’s still true, but I also am accessible 100% of the time and definitely have work bleed into home time in the evenings, on weekends and holidays. But it’s not impossible to balance nor does work consume me. I think big law partners do more hours of that, but there’s a ton of space between me and totally consumed by work and I think most of what I see from biglaw is closer to me on the spectrum than it is to “completely consumed”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The “only missed dinner once in six months”
poster is so full of shit I can smell it from here. I can’t think of any parent in any job, whether a big law partner or a garbage collector, who never, ever, ever, EVER has to miss dinner with the kids.

Corporate cog here. Every middling middle manager is routinely missing dinner with the kids. Anyone making over $250K is also routinely logging in after dinner.

I guess Big Law is easy street, who knew.

[Anonymous]

I remember the NY partner who drove his car into the parking garage wall at 4am. No one ever really knew if it was intentional or not. Crazy way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The crazy people here are not the spouses (and must we always call them wives? Women are partners at law firms, too) of law partners, but those who are claiming to know “the truth” about STRANGERS’ experiences. Like, really? You think your personal experience means you know everything? It seems to be the spouses saying their family lives are balanced are not claiming to know what EVERYONE experiences, they are just sharing their own experience.

This.

Some of these posts are bonkers. If you’re not living in someone’s house, you have no clue what their lifestyle is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I prefer having a spouse who is home for dinner every night. Can’t put a price on that or outsource it.

You can actually have both. DH works late once every week. I think that is worth $2-3m. Even if he is late, he can still drive a kid to sports in the evening.

No way this is real. My guess is your DH works at least 10 hour days and weekends.