SIL's baby isn't here yet, and presumably won't be handed over to MIL the day it arrives. OP didn't say how old her kids are. There's probably close to a year before SIL will need a babysitter, and OP can be using her services until then as a contingency to getting the money. Her DH can talk to SIL about it before hand and make sure she's on the same page in terms of them getting help too if they're giving the same amount of money. Everyone, including the MIL needs to be on the same page before any money is given. Also, SIL should really think twice about having a nearly 70 yr old as a full time nanny. A couple of mornings is one thing but 50 hr is unrealistic. |
I still would not do this. An employer-employee relationship with a poor relative (and that's what MIL is at this point) is going to be really awkward and tense. What if they're not happy with MIL's care and reliability? I suspect MIL is older than she seems, cognitively, and that's why she got fired, won't (or maybe actually can't) work, and is making bad decisions. |
If it were me and I could afford it, yes I would help her. |
+1 for everyone saying that this is the tip of the iceberg. You will have to decide with DH about what you can and are willing to do for her going forward, and expect both her and your DH to be reluctant to discuss these issues head on. |
You're babbling, dear. |
This info tells me it is wrong for you to give the money. |
This. You can't afford it. Maybe you can't even afford what you're spending on your own family right now, OP. You need a financial counseling appointment with your DH and you need to look at your own big picture, figure out how to get on an appropriate savings track for yourselves, and also think about what you can provide to MIL. Because your DH will not allow his mother to be homeless and you shouldn't ask that of him. But you can, should, must insist, right now, that your DH open his eyes to the magnitude of this problem. |
Come on. They have $40k saved - on top of college savings, a house, retirement savings, and who knows what else - and you think they can't spare $4k to get the husband's mother out of a jam? Only on DCUM. |
That is the kind of short-sighted thinking that leads to exactly this kind of problem. Sure, they could spare $4K if that were all they had to pay, ever. But that's not what's happening here. MIL's income is FAR below her expenses, and the gap is only going to grow. It's $4K now but it'll be more next year, and the year after that. I'm not saying don't give her anything-- I think the writing's on the wall that they are going to have to give her a lot of money over the remainder of her life. But to suggest that this is no big deal is really clueless. I'm all for kindness, I'm all for helping family, even when they've made bad choices. But the right way to help family is to see the big picture, and to get *all three households* involved here on a sustainable footing that can last. Not just hand over money as she trickle-truths her mistakes. Because $4K won't be the end of it. |
There are some very selfish people on DCUM |
Au contraire, what I propose is a way for OP to help her MIL in the most sensible and prudent way possible. |
Pay it now before the debt gets even bigger. And file a lien if possible (sounds like she may still have a mortgage on the house, so maybe you can't). Still, I would expect that you will not be repaid. |
2 pages back I was like wow op. Now, Good grief complaining about the high interest loans MIL co-signed to finance OP's husband. wtf. The YTA ditch is a mile wide |
I would have a coronary if I had only 40k saved with kids I needed to see through college.
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Yes help her! She's your DH's mom!
Also, FWIW, there are plenty on here questioning your financial choices OP. God forbid, you need money in the future and your child's spouse makes judgements and refuses to help you out. |