Well better kick her in the face now in case she does this thing you are sure she will do, even though she hasn't done it. |
How do you think she will support herself? Nobody's saying to be cruel to her. But when a person makes bad financial decisions and needs money from others, which MIL does even if she won't admit it, that person has to accept some transparency and guidance, and we all have to live within our means. |
I don't think she will, but I also don't think that denying her this $4k now = that she didn't ask for, but her kids want to give her - is going to get her closer. This is the situation they are in, and pretending Mom doesn't exist or isn't in trouble won't really help. This idea that a near-70 year old is just going to hop out and get herself a $100k job is preposterous. This is the husband's mom. They should deal with this head on - not by punishing her for being "gauche" and not working the way everyone wishes she had, going back in time. But by coming up with an actual plan to make sure she doesn't go into her most vulnerable years in debt and without any buffer. What IS the plan here? That's what I'd want to work out, beyond this $4k. Not, again, in a punitive sense - but trying to figure that out for her and for OP and her family. |
Well yes, obviously, that's what I'm saying too. But to just up and give her $4K with no strings attached is not going to achieve that. It buys her time to dig herself in a deeper hole. That's all it does. It's downright harmful. She needs an intervention. In the nicest possible way, this is her reality and she has to deal with it. |
Agree with this. Whereas you did not get such kindless from your own parents, your DH did from his, and you should be kind in your turn. She's a kind person who sacrificed a lot financially to raise my DH and the fact that she's 69 is the end of the story to me. Be kind. |
What if it were your mother and not your mother-in-law? |
Canada offers Physician Assisted Suicide for illnesses including depression caused by poverty. |
Absolutely. Please thaw your frozen heart. |
Ok so, (Raised DH) + (Kind Person) + (Is 69) = precisely how much of their savings? |
Ok but isn’t that like buying an alcoholic a bottle of wine? Isn’t her trouble only going to get worse. What if she doesn’t use the $4000 to pay off the loan? I. Fact if she is only making interest only payments now but had to pay to buy the mlm stuff. So why do you assume she will use the money for the loan vs just digging a deeper financial hole? |
OP, I don't think you should lend her the money because it's harming your marriage.
You and your husband need to be a united front on this. Your MIL's financial woes do not come before your marital happiness. And I agree, if MIL is not asking for the money (do you even know if she would accept it?) I would say she should pull from her own savings to pay off her debt before her kids have to pay it for her. |
Op here. We have 500K in our 401Ks, 15K in brokerage, and another 10K in assets we can quickly liquidate if we needed plus 40ishK in cash savings. We are both in joins which will have pensions. College funds for the kids have 60K combined. How are we irresponsible? I know we could have more cash on hand but like I said, we have had major home repairs. |
This added refutes the notion that you and DH are irresponsible. It definitely solidifies that notion that YTA. As many others have said, please thaw your heart |
How old are you and your DH? |
I’m in Canada. This is false. |