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Reply to "AITA for not wanting DH to give MIL 4K to clear a debt "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think that loaning money to one's own mom is a bad idea. I'd have no problem giving 4 grand as a gift.[/quote] Op here. It’s the amount for me that I take issue with. That amount is about 10 percent of our savings account right now. [/quote] This info tells me it is wrong for you to give the money. [/quote] This. You can't afford it. Maybe you can't even afford what you're spending on your own family right now, OP. You need a financial counseling appointment with your DH and you need to look at your own big picture, figure out how to get on an appropriate savings track for yourselves, and also think about what you can provide to MIL. Because your DH will not allow his mother to be homeless and you shouldn't ask that of him. But you can, should, must insist, right now, that your DH open his eyes to the magnitude of this problem.[/quote] Come on. They have $40k saved - on top of college savings, a house, retirement savings, and who knows what else - and you think they can't spare $4k to get the husband's mother out of a jam? Only on DCUM.[/quote] That is the kind of short-sighted thinking that leads to exactly this kind of problem. Sure, they could spare $4K if that were all they had to pay, ever. But that's not what's happening here. MIL's income is FAR below her expenses, and the gap is only going to grow. It's $4K now but it'll be more next year, and the year after that. I'm not saying don't give her anything-- I think the writing's on the wall that they are going to have to give her a lot of money over the remainder of her life. But to suggest that this is no big deal is really clueless. I'm all for kindness, I'm all for helping family, even when they've made bad choices. But the right way to help family is to see the big picture, and to get *all three households* involved here on a sustainable footing that can last. Not just hand over money as she trickle-truths her mistakes. Because $4K won't be the end of it.[/quote] There are some very selfish people on DCUM[/quote]
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