She’s not getting a job at that age for that much. |
You’re irritated because you’re working and will continue to. 69 is old. Ageism in the workplace is very prevalent. |
You're allowed to be irritated but don't be an idiot about it. I am guessing you also don't know what she actually went through to make her willing to walk away from financial comfort like that - because it probably wasn't just that she didn't feel like quitting and decided it was more fun to have to accept $4k from your kid and his judgey wife than to take care of it yourself. |
Wait... you have 40k in cash? Is that your cash reserves in addition to other non-retirement funds? Or your life's savings is 40k? Are you counting this 40k separate from your emergency fund, vacation fund, etc? |
^ Also, as others have said, different people age differently. My dad is still working at 80, and my mom has Parkinson's and is barely mobile. She may be going through things that you aren't aware of - physical or cognitive - and she also probably can't just go get a freaking job at 69, especially if she was fired from her last job (when?) and her network is dry. |
You said in the OP that she was fired two years ago and that has happened multiple times. How can you be so sure that she will be able to get and keep a job, at 69, for 100k? |
I'm so glad we are not related, tough guy/woman. |
+1 It makes me sad to see how the value of individual independence extends to nor caring for others or their well-being |
I cannot imagine giving a parent a loan! I would pay the debt. Her son should also discuss her finances with her to see where she is and if she needs help. As you have already noted, OP, she made many sacrifices for her son and it's time for him to help her. You are not a nice person, OP. |
Just give her the money to pay off the loan. It sounds like you are not happy that she, at 69 years old, doesn’t want to work anymore. I would not want my 69 year old mom working either. This is a small price to pay and a kindness to do for her. |
She didn't save for old age because she was making sacrifices for her son. You are a galactically huge AH. |
We each retirement accounts and kids have college accounts but our total cash savings right now is 50K. It’s down because we bought a house last year (after saving like dogs for over 15 years for a down payment and to pay off our debt). |
No, she actually made a series of poor financial choices including multiple divorces, repeated custody battles, and staying at home for 20 years and not working. |
custody battles for your husband? |
OP, I think you are the a-hole for expecting a 69 year old woman to work full time and naive about her ability to do so after being fired at age 67 (likely because of her age). I would maybe be on your side if she willingly walked away from an easy job at 62 but that isn’t what happened.
That said, it isn’t clear that having your MIL pay off the remodel debt in full (with the help of you and DH and SIL) is the right financial move here. If it is, yes, give her the money as a gift. You can talk to your DH about how he can earn some extra money, if you must, but expecting a 69 YO to be able to get and hold a job that is going to provide meaningful income is not realistic. |