So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

OK, people are going to come on here always blowing smoke up your skirt about “she’s probably worried about you, sees you working so hard and wants to make sure you eat,” which is total BS, as you know. Your MIL sounds annoying. Doubtful she’ll change if she hasn’t by now, but commiseration.

+1. She sounds super irritating. If it were only once a year or so it wouldn't be a big deal. However if you are hosting mulitple to many events a year this would drive me crazy. And yes, it's weird to have so little respect for the host that you, not just offer things to guests, but usurp the actual plans and efforts of the hosting party. Its disrespectful, presumptious, and not a little bit passive agressive.

Sorry OP - I understand your irritation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, are you worried she’s getting credit for your work?

OP here. Not at all. It’s just annoying to have someone offer you food, drink and dessert that you personally have planned for, paid for, and prepared, as if you are visiting them and not the other way around. “Sally, there’s breakfast casserole and coffee if you’re hungry”…no sh*t! I made all of the above. I know it’s there, and I know I may have it, what with it being mine and all.

I guess it is annoying. I would just try and assume the best. She is trying to be nice and helpful. She wants to help and be involved. Maybe she offering to bring you some of whatever. I don’t think she is coming at this from a point of view of evil.

Id try and just be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

OP said her kitchen is open all day. She’s just not waiting breathlessly in it to prepare food to her guests’ every whim, like a short order cook. What the hell do you want from her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d have to drink early if I was going to OPs house too

May I suggest an AA meeting?

Also sounds more interesting than an afternoon at OPs house and the lone sacred bottle of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

OP said her kitchen is open all day. She’s just not waiting breathlessly in it to prepare food to her guests’ every whim, like a short order cook. What the hell do you want from her?

Then why does she care if people eat at 3? Maybe her dood sucks and isn’t plentiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

[Anonymous]

My "dumb script" would be "Larla, please, sit down. You're our guest, we've got this."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

OP said her kitchen is open all day. She’s just not waiting breathlessly in it to prepare food to her guests’ every whim, like a short order cook. What the hell do you want from her?

Then why does she care if people eat at 3? Maybe her dood sucks and isn’t plentiful.

In that case, her guests can a) decline her invitations or b) offer to host themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

Do you offer people fruit to eat out back when the kitchen is closed? Stingy cheap hosts are the worst.

Aww, and you even tried to be one of the cool girls by referencing a DCUM in-joke.

Your reading comprehension is terrible. And you should speak with a professional about why you can’t go 90 minutes without stuffing food in your face (which, luckily, you wouldn’t have to do at OP’s anyway, since she’s repeatedly stated that she makes it clear to all guests that hers is an open kitchen. Whew! Dodged that bullet).

Better than being a hand maiden for a troll. Why fight OPs fight for her?

OP isn’t a troll. She’s correct in how she feels. All the ridiculous people jumping all over her like a pack of slavering hyenas are the trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.

So many people on here argue just to be contrary. The people who insist that in order to be a decent host, OP must offer a full bar from the moment her guests arrive are likely the same people who in another thread will be scolding people that any amount of alcohol consumption is a sign of alcoholism. It’s perfectly alright, and likely quite common, to refrain from offering booze until 5.

A good host makes guests comfortable. Not impose their morality. Why not give guests what they would like?

Waiting until 5 to offer drinks isn’t imposing morality. I’m simply saying that it’s not freaky weird to not start drinking until 5. If someone came to my house in mid-afternoon, I’d probably offer them coffee or tea, and cake. It would be a bit rude for them to ask for something that wasn’t offered, whether it was wine or Wheat Thins.

Then your kitchen isn’t open is it?