Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I guess I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I guess I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

There is a decade length of time you conveniently left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I guess I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I guess I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

Didn’t answer question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I guess I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

np
23? Oh hell no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I gue I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

Didn’t answer question.

I’m so sorry. What question do you have for me? I think I missed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I gue I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

Didn’t answer question.

I’m so sorry. What question do you have for me? I think I missed it.

I’m sure you’re able to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I gue I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

Didn’t answer question.

I’m so sorry. What question do you have for me? I think I missed it.

I’m sure you’re able to read.

I’m really sorry. I can’t figure out what you are trying to ask or what you want to know. I hope you are able to get your questions answered. Sorry I can’t help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone already said very late 20’s to late 30’s. That’s plenty of time to have children.

We will have or not have babies whenever we GD please.

Pro-choice means exactly that. If a woman chooses to have a baby at 18 or 48, good for her and her choice.

Long live choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

If it’s not optimal for a girl to have a child at her peak fertility (let’s say that was her teens, but I think studies have actually shown that women in their mid to late twenties have the healthiest babies as a cohort), then why is it automatically optimal for a women to have a baby when her brain is at peak maturity? If one is not biologically dictated, why do you assume the other is? These are weak, baseless arguments that you seem to be making to rationalize an extreme POV.

Except peak fertility and highest sex drive in women is in their early 30’s along with the brain being mature. So yes, it does align.

You are either very misinformed or a liar. From the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists:

“A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline becomes more rapid once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely for most women.“

https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy

We have been lying to women for the entirety of my lifetime on this issue - I am 51 - and a great many women including me and a few of my closest friends were robbed of motherhood by this lie. STOP LYING TO YOUNG WOMEN!!

We need to work to make it easier for women in peak fertility years to have the babies they want when they are healthiest and most able to recover from the grueling days of pregnancy and early infancy care and still have all the opportunities to get educated and establish a career. This CAN be done, but not if we keep telling young women to wait wait wait until you are so old you can’t have a natural pregnancy and you are an exhausted middle aged woman while your children are energetic and demanding preteens and teens.

Nineteen or twenty is a very healthy age biologically to have a baby. Now let’s be honest about that and fix our messed up societal expectations instead of trying to put a square peg in a round hole. The biggest sin of the second wave feminist movement was this lie that any woman can have babies in her late 30s and 40s it’s no big deal. BS! And from my observation of a few decades in family law, there is no magic formula that having kids later will guarantee better mothering or a more healthy marriage. Plenty of women on this board who followed the gospel of second wave feminism have miserable marriages and strained parenting issues and all the money from a career doesn’t fix it.

Stop the lies. Let’s start brainstorming for a future society that really supports moms (and kids) of ANY age!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More than 'why do young people have have kids they can't afford', I don't understand how OP doesn't understand it.

OP, here. I don't understand it because it doesn't make any sense to bring kids into your life that you don't have the time or resources to raise properly. Even if you are putting the burden on the grandparents as free babysitters or rent free living, it's still irresponsible. It hurts people, including and especially the kids.

Because poor people and poor families value children, too. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a wise choice and coming from a more privileged position I can’t understand being in those shoes but it’s very common for people to have children they can’t afford. There are entire countries struggling with poverty on a societal level that have high birth rates. There is a biological desire to reproduce and it is a cultural norm in most societies to have children.

Maybe, but I think that ignores the fact that in most of those countries birth control, abortion, and a woman's right to say no don't exist for most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

If it’s not optimal for a girl to have a child at her peak fertility (let’s say that was her teens, but I think studies have actually shown that women in their mid to late twenties have the healthiest babies as a cohort), then why is it automatically optimal for a women to have a baby when her brain is at peak maturity? If one is not biologically dictated, why do you assume the other is? These are weak, baseless arguments that you seem to be making to rationalize an extreme POV.

Except peak fertility and highest sex drive in women is in their early 30’s along with the brain being mature. So yes, it does align.

You are either very misinformed or a liar. From the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists:

“A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline becomes more rapid once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely for most women.“

https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy

We have been lying to women for the entirety of my lifetime on this issue - I am 51 - and a great many women including me and a few of my closest friends were robbed of motherhood by this lie. STOP LYING TO YOUNG WOMEN!!

We need to work to make it easier for women in peak fertility years to have the babies they want when they are healthiest and most able to recover from the grueling days of pregnancy and early infancy care and still have all the opportunities to get educated and establish a career. This CAN be done, but not if we keep telling young women to wait wait wait until you are so old you can’t have a natural pregnancy and you are an exhausted middle aged woman while your children are energetic and demanding preteens and teens.

Nineteen or twenty is a very healthy age biologically to have a baby. Now let’s be honest about that and fix our messed up societal expectations instead of trying to put a square peg in a round hole. The biggest sin of the second wave feminist movement was this lie that any woman can have babies in her late 30s and 40s it’s no big deal. BS! And from my observation of a few decades in family law, there is no magic formula that having kids later will guarantee better mothering or a more healthy marriage. Plenty of women on this board who followed the gospel of second wave feminism have miserable marriages and strained parenting issues and all the money from a career doesn’t fix it.

Stop the lies. Let’s start brainstorming for a future society that really supports moms (and kids) of ANY age!

The biggest sin is the complete lack of social safety net that makes it increasingly harder to impossible to have children and not go into insane amount of debt when you factor in childcare and housing.

The pandemic really exposed just how much children and their parents or an afterthought in our late capitalist system. I cannot blame any gen z women for doing the math and just deciding that they cannot afford children. Having kids in this country just feels like a scam

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

Well thanks to the Dobbs decision we will see lots more people stick in this situation in the near future.

[Anonymous]

For the same poor people have kids they cannot afford: bad decision making.

[Anonymous]

Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.