Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 26 too. And why not, I had already graduated from college and worked my way up to a director position.

So did I. I was married and in my third year of residency, doing mostly outpatient work.

My career isn’t amazing, but it seems fine.

Apparently, only college grads are entitled to having babies at 26.

Yes. Married college graduates have my blessing to have children at 26 years old.

You’ve got your priorities in the sewage.

DP, You’re out of your mind! So what should a 26 year old be doing in your mind? Let’s say they’re fully out of college and grad school, gainfully employed.

What should they do? Live their life and not follow some path that dictates they must get married and have baby because they have don’t the things you listed. Do it when the time is right, not right now.

What if you and your spouse feel like the time is right? What’s your problem with grown adults having children when the time is right for them, not on your schedule of “not before 35?”

Highlight where I or anyone else said not before 35.

I gue I’m not sure what you are saying. If 26 is inappropriately young, then what do you feel is an okay age? I guess I assumed mid-thirties.

Did anyone say what you assumed?

Do you want to give your acceptable timeline for marriage and children? I agree with brunch grandma that any time between 23 and 40 seems fine to me as long as you have a stable job and are in a committed relationship.

You, apparently, have a much narrower timeline. Care to elaborate? Other than 26 is much too young…

Didn’t answer question.

I’m so sorry. What question do you have for me? I think I missed it.

I’m sure you’re able to read.

I’m really sorry. I can’t figure out what you are trying to ask or what you want to know. I hope you are able to get your questions answered. Sorry I can’t help.

Sorry, I can’t help you to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone already said very late 20’s to late 30’s. That’s plenty of time to have children.

We will have or not have babies whenever we GD please.

Pro-choice means exactly that. If a woman chooses to have a baby at 18 or 48, good for her and her choice.

Long live choice

We all know people are free to make stupid choices.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Brian maturation is not achieved till nearly 30 years of age.

So what? Womens sex drives peak in their thirties and early forties. Does this mean they shouldn’t have sex sooner? Why does your brain have to be fully “mature” to live your life? Especially when biologically it’s optimal to have kids in your twenties and thirties? Either way you’ll miss out on either peak “brain maturity” or “peak fertility.”

Your Brian needs to be fully mature to raise a baby. Somehow, this is news to you.

If it’s not optimal for a girl to have a child at her peak fertility (let’s say that was her teens, but I think studies have actually shown that women in their mid to late twenties have the healthiest babies as a cohort), then why is it automatically optimal for a women to have a baby when her brain is at peak maturity? If one is not biologically dictated, why do you assume the other is? These are weak, baseless arguments that you seem to be making to rationalize an extreme POV.

Except peak fertility and highest sex drive in women is in their early 30’s along with the brain being mature. So yes, it does align.

You are either very misinformed or a liar. From the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists:

“A woman's peak reproductive years are between the late teens and late 20s. By age 30, fertility (the ability to get pregnant) starts to decline. This decline becomes more rapid once you reach your mid-30s. By 45, fertility has declined so much that getting pregnant naturally is unlikely for most women.“

https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy

We have been lying to women for the entirety of my lifetime on this issue - I am 51 - and a great many women including me and a few of my closest friends were robbed of motherhood by this lie. STOP LYING TO YOUNG WOMEN!!

We need to work to make it easier for women in peak fertility years to have the babies they want when they are healthiest and most able to recover from the grueling days of pregnancy and early infancy care and still have all the opportunities to get educated and establish a career. This CAN be done, but not if we keep telling young women to wait wait wait until you are so old you can’t have a natural pregnancy and you are an exhausted middle aged woman while your children are energetic and demanding preteens and teens.

Nineteen or twenty is a very healthy age biologically to have a baby. Now let’s be honest about that and fix our messed up societal expectations instead of trying to put a square peg in a round hole. The biggest sin of the second wave feminist movement was this lie that any woman can have babies in her late 30s and 40s it’s no big deal. BS! And from my observation of a few decades in family law, there is no magic formula that having kids later will guarantee better mothering or a more healthy marriage. Plenty of women on this board who followed the gospel of second wave feminism have miserable marriages and strained parenting issues and all the money from a career doesn’t fix it.

Stop the lies. Let’s start brainstorming for a future society that really supports moms (and kids) of ANY age!

Honey, more women are having babies in their 30’s than any other decade. You can stop spreading lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

?? Happily married here. Not even sure what this snark is aiming at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

?? Happily married here. Not even sure what this snark is aiming at.

Another young married/young mom here. (Married 24, first house at 27, first baby at 28) They console themselves by thinking we are all somehow divorced because we married "young." I too have been happily married 18 years. Sorry to disappoint them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

Because they can’t afford an abortion or birth control.

Yes, this.

And as access to birth control and abortion become more restricted it will impact poorer and minority women the most.

[Anonymous]

The ONLY appropriate window of time to bear children is between 29 and 31. If you had mature brians (sic) you would already know that.

/s/

[Anonymous]

I love babies, started babysitting regularly at age 13, and had serious baby fever for real starting sometime in college. However I'm also a very practical person and I knew I had to wait until I was married to the right person and financially stable before having kids. Thankfully I only had to wait until my late 20's.

Delayed gratification is a learned behavior though and not all kids learn it.

[Anonymous]

I became a mom very late in life because I was a hot mess as a younger woman. I see younger women now who have themselves really quite reasonably together and continue to put off motherhood. I kind of just want to shake them. I wish I could have become a mom with the energy, fitness, capacity to stay awake all night, memory, patience, open heartedness, and zest for life I had in my mid-20s. Also, the fertility. I’m glad I became a mom in my 40s—don’t get me wrong. But I wouldn’t want anyone to look at me and think this is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

Because they can’t afford an abortion or birth control.

Yes, this.

And as access to birth control and abortion become more restricted it will impact poorer and minority women the most.

I don't buy this. Birth control is easily accessible to all plus there are condoms. Some women/girls just don't really care if they get pregnant or may even want to for various reasons mentioned here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

?? Happily married here. Not even sure what this snark is aiming at.

Sure, to your second husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

?? Happily married here. Not even sure what this snark is aiming at.

Another young married/young mom here. (Married 24, first house at 27, first baby at 28) They console themselves by thinking we are all somehow divorced because we married "young." I too have been happily married 18 years. Sorry to disappoint them.

No one should be encouraging other to marry at age 24. I don’t care if you did, that is terrible advice to give out.

[Anonymous]

This topic has hit a nerve with a lot of DCUM teen moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, original "kid at 26" PP here and this really took off in a ... not great direction.

I was ready at 26 -- financially, mentally, education/career-wise, otherwise. Some may not be. That's fine. It's really strange to have to explicitly make an "Everyone is different" disclaimer. And yes, I was a married college grad, but more importantly I was stable overall and personally felt ready for the challenge. I did not do grad school/law school etc. so that is an important factor. Many people are not done with their higher ed by that age.

I'm glad I started young because conceiving a healthy pregnancy was actually not a smooth path for me.

My parents were in their 30s and most of my parent friends were 30-35+ when they started having kids, so I have nothing against that path, either. I just think it's good if people have the feasible *option* to have kids starting in their 20s if they wish.

How does custody work with your kids and ex?

?? Happily married here. Not even sure what this snark is aiming at.

Another young married/young mom here. (Married 24, first house at 27, first baby at 28) They console themselves by thinking we are all somehow divorced because we married "young." I too have been happily married 18 years. Sorry to disappoint them.

Hello, Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.