Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

[Anonymous]

They never felt loved as kids, so they think babies will love them. It's subconscious, but that's why so many people hoard babies and puppies and then often abandon them as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Is this a serious question? Most of them have generations of trauma, abuse, and/or family issues. From an early age they often slip through the cracks of the education and welfare systems. Many never had a role model teach them about finances, independence, foster career skills, or encourage education. They cling on to the first thing that feels like love (which their view of is warped) and it all spirals from there.

[Anonymous]

You think they had these babies intentionally? Most likely they were not planning ahead/not using BC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question? Most of them have generations of trauma, abuse, and/or family issues. From an early age they often slip through the cracks of the education and welfare systems. Many never had a role model teach them about finances, independence, foster career skills, or encourage education. They cling on to the first thing that feels like love (which their view of is warped) and it all spirals from there.

+1 this isn't necessary logical, it's so complex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question? Most of them have generations of trauma, abuse, and/or family issues. From an early age they often slip through the cracks of the education and welfare systems. Many never had a role model teach them about finances, independence, foster career skills, or encourage education. They cling on to the first thing that feels like love (which their view of is warped) and it all spirals from there.

+1 this isn't necessary logical, it's so complex

and yes also some areas of the country access to bc is limited more or even if it isn't, just generally education on bc has been quite limited so folks just do not have access to all the information and support they need over a long enough period of time. And generational patterns are hard to break, our brain likes to do what it knows and sees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a serious question? Most of them have generations of trauma, abuse, and/or family issues. From an early age they often slip through the cracks of the education and welfare systems. Many never had a role model teach them about finances, independence, foster career skills, or encourage education. They cling on to the first thing that feels like love (which their view of is warped) and it all spirals from there.

+1 this isn't necessary logical, it's so complex

Sorry I meant, it isn't really about logic.

[Anonymous]

Other posters have this covered, but I also wanted to note that when I finally had a baby in my late 30s, I understood better why, once someone has one kid, they'd have more even if financially the first was already a strain. I stopped at one child, which was always my plan, but it was harder than I expected it to be. Once you realize the joy of having a little baby who loves you in this very uncomplicated way and pats your face with their tiny hands... it's just very hard to resist having another. If it weren't for my age, I think I would have wound up having another even though it's not the family I planned for myself. Just because I loved my baby so much and the desire to have another to love, and also to see my baby learn to become a sibling, was very strong.

I have a friend who had a baby at 15 and then another at 17 with another father. I love her, but I had never really understood why she had her second. She was not opposed to abortion and her first, though dearly loved, had changed the trajectory of her education and life enormously. But after having a baby, I understand it more. I remember her talking about wanting her kids to feel like a family. And she was already a teen mom, so it's not like having her second, she would have avoided stigma or financial burden. I understand better that while her choices might not have made logical sense to me, who wasn't even having sex at that age much less contemplating starting a family, there actually was an internal logic to her choices that could only be understood if you were in her position.

Also, while she struggle a lot early in life, she ultimately did get a associates degree and a solid career as a dental technician, and her kids are both grown and went to college themselves. And now she has a pretty peaceful and stable life, with two grandchildren she gets to spend lots of time with at a young age. Her life wasn't destroyed and I guarantee you that she doesn't regret either of her kids. It's not the ideal path through life but it's not the catastrophe people sometimes make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

More than 'why do young people have have kids they can't afford', I don't understand how OP doesn't understand it.

[Anonymous]

Because they don't realize kids are expensive before they have them.

[Anonymous]

These people probably wouldn't have been all that financially successful in life anyway. People who get pregnant in their teens typically have had a bad education education and upbringing, and likely don't have great access to mental and physical healthcare.

My brother had his child when he was I think 17 and, while the mom has been out of the picture for over a decade (nobody knows where she is now), my brother is doing really well. Remarried, sober, financially stable, etc. So there are exceptions. But yeah, we didn't have a good upbringing and he did not have a good education.

[Anonymous]

To people who have a) family dysfunction or trauma or mental illness and b) no good financial prospects, there’s no point in waiting. Because they look at their life and the lives of those around them and they know that they will be broke until they die regardless, so why not have a baby who will love you, who might convince your boyfriend to stick around, who can take care of you when you are too old to work anymore? Do some people born into poverty make it to a comfortable middle class life? Sure. But the majority just live in poverty of various kinds until they die. So why not be poor and have family.

[Anonymous]

Also, kids are literally less expensive for a lot of this demographic because they were never going to be able to afford braces and soccer camp and college funds, so it’s not like it is a consideration. You have the baby, you and your extended family take turns managing childcare and you go back to work pretty much immediately (e.g., working 8 hour shifts as a waitress 2 weeks after giving birth). You just have to do that until they go to school. They spend a lot of time shuffling between grandma’s house and auntie and whoever else lives nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple of younger female relatives that had their first child in their teens, which was tough enough. But then they had more kids with other boyfriends in their early twenties. They struggle financially and socially with unstable relationships and stress. What is the logic among younger women, wanting so many kids so young?

Because they can’t afford an abortion or birth control.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I see lives like this and ask myself the same thing, but I'm also desperate to see a happy ending and want to do what I can to support parents in these situations. I also objectively see where our culture and society makes it hard for all but the most privileged, forward-thinking, type-a planners to comfortably have a family, so the mindset might be - it's going to be a struggle no matter what, and I have a decent shot at making it better. Most people have that kind of naive optimism where a chance at love is concerned.

Also, keep in mind for every thread criticizing people for having kids they can't afford there's another thread asking why people wait too long to have them and why anyone would want to be an old parent. It's an argument that's hard to win.