Friend with bad child being iced out of friend group

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of ignorance and arrogance.

We all hope the next IEP takes and the ‘explosive child’ book series really helps out. Blessings and best of luck to you.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of the kids of the judgmental parents in this thread are going to end up with severe anxiety issues in high schools.

But they are all good parents! Not like those other parents with "bad kids".

“My kid who hits is the good kid! The one who doesn’t is a bad kid with no future besides scoring Xanax!”

You all wish.

DP. Look, I realize you don't want to deal with the predictable outcome of being as nasty and judgmental of a parent as you clearly are, but I'm at the other end of this parenting journey and trust me, kids of people who are nasty and judgmental like you seem to be do not turn out well. They just don't.

And you can stuff it. I have a child with SNs, I’ve dealt with well-intentioned and not so well-intentioned inquiries. But you and your ilk are a total joke. It’s actually ok to make those dreaded “judgments” to keep a child physically safe. This isn’t tantamount to being cruel, or turning children against a peer with serious behavioral issues. Trust me, it just isn’t - and I didn’t personally write anything like that. The idea that anyone here could be keeping their fingers crossed that kids with parents who don’t let them be prey for out of control peers are all likely going to have anxiety disorders in college is a pipe dream. They just don’t.

I think you are defensive because you have been seen. Sorry, but children of nasty people turn out badly. You or one of your buddies in this thread are referring to a child with likely disabilities as “it.” Pretty evil stuff, and a lot worse than a kid bouncing off the walls.

Your kids will not turn out well with this kind of behavior modeled at home.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like that kid may be on the spectrum. The mom knows why she is excluded. It’s not hard to figure out. I hope your kid is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of the kids of the judgmental parents in this thread are going to end up with severe anxiety issues in high schools.

But they are all good parents! Not like those other parents with "bad kids".

“My kid who hits is the good kid! The one who doesn’t is a bad kid with no future besides scoring Xanax!”

You all wish.

DP. Look, I realize you don't want to deal with the predictable outcome of being as nasty and judgmental of a parent as you clearly are, but I'm at the other end of this parenting journey and trust me, kids of people who are nasty and judgmental like you seem to be do not turn out well. They just don't.

And you can stuff it. I have a child with SNs, I’ve dealt with well-intentioned and not so well-intentioned inquiries. But you and your ilk are a total joke. It’s actually ok to make those dreaded “judgments” to keep a child physically safe. This isn’t tantamount to being cruel, or turning children against a peer with serious behavioral issues. Trust me, it just isn’t - and I didn’t personally write anything like that. The idea that anyone here could be keeping their fingers crossed that kids with parents who don’t let them be prey for out of control peers are all likely going to have anxiety disorders in college is a pipe dream. They just don’t.

I think you are defensive because you have been seen. Sorry, but children of nasty people turn out badly. You or one of your buddies in this thread are referring to a child with likely disabilities as “it.” Pretty evil stuff, and a lot worse than a kid bouncing off the walls.

Your kids will not turn out well with this kind of behavior modeled at home.

No. I have never called a child ‘it.’ Take your fantasies straight to your counselor. And potentially unlike you, I truly do have experience with SN therapies for my own DC; I know a lot about struggling and watching a child struggle to master things that come to others quickly. I also have a really amazing child, who is BFFs with a child with serious emotional regulation issues. That child’s parents are always working on helping their DC work on outbursts. It can get scary, but it can be worked on. I love that kid. But, I have also had the opposite experience with a parent of a truly destructive, violent child (this child didn’t pull down fixtures, but did yank of and destroy glass ornaments off of the Christmas tree, managing to destroy most, and then snatched and smashed their parent’s iPhone as a coda). OP’s description matches a lot of what I experienced there, and it was awful. That parent did virtually nothing to stop things, and I ended contact, even though I liked the parent, It was safer for my DC and family overall.

You’re wrong about everything you’ve written, but that’s pretty clearly just how things always roll for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of ignorance and arrogance.

We all hope the next IEP takes and the ‘explosive child’ book series really helps out. Blessings and best of luck to you.

Wow.

Yeah, the nasty parents in this thread are outright vile. I have well-adjusted teens who were never behavior problems, so the defensive nasty (and terrible) parents can stuff it before claiming I’m just saying this because my kids ripped sconces off the wall. They never did anything like that, but we’ve known kids who did, and I would never have acted as appallingly as a lot of the PPs are. It is disgusting behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like that kid may be on the spectrum. The mom knows why she is excluded. It’s not hard to figure out. I hope your kid is perfect.

Why do you not see any daylight between “Oh OP must want everything to be perfect!’ - and “God, that must be hard on OP, too, trying to make sure nothing insane happens during a play date since it keeps happening, and OP’s kid is afraid of this boy”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of the kids of the judgmental parents in this thread are going to end up with severe anxiety issues in high schools.

But they are all good parents! Not like those other parents with "bad kids".

“My kid who hits is the good kid! The one who doesn’t is a bad kid with no future besides scoring Xanax!”

You all wish.

DP. Look, I realize you don't want to deal with the predictable outcome of being as nasty and judgmental of a parent as you clearly are, but I'm at the other end of this parenting journey and trust me, kids of people who are nasty and judgmental like you seem to be do not turn out well. They just don't.

And you can stuff it. I have a child with SNs, I’ve dealt with well-intentioned and not so well-intentioned inquiries. But you and your ilk are a total joke. It’s actually ok to make those dreaded “judgments” to keep a child physically safe. This isn’t tantamount to being cruel, or turning children against a peer with serious behavioral issues. Trust me, it just isn’t - and I didn’t personally write anything like that. The idea that anyone here could be keeping their fingers crossed that kids with parents who don’t let them be prey for out of control peers are all likely going to have anxiety disorders in college is a pipe dream. They just don’t.

I think you are defensive because you have been seen. Sorry, but children of nasty people turn out badly. You or one of your buddies in this thread are referring to a child with likely disabilities as “it.” Pretty evil stuff, and a lot worse than a kid bouncing off the walls.

Your kids will not turn out well with this kind of behavior modeled at home.

No. I have never called a child ‘it.’ Take your fantasies straight to your counselor. And potentially unlike you, I truly do have experience with SN therapies for my own DC; I know a lot about struggling and watching a child struggle to master things that come to others quickly. I also have a really amazing child, who is BFFs with a child with serious emotional regulation issues. That child’s parents are always working on helping their DC work on outbursts. It can get scary, but it can be worked on. I love that kid. But, I have also had the opposite experience with a parent of a truly destructive, violent child (this child didn’t pull down fixtures, but did yank of and destroy glass ornaments off of the Christmas tree, managing to destroy most, and then snatched and smashed their parent’s iPhone as a coda). OP’s description matches a lot of what I experienced there, and it was awful. That parent did virtually nothing to stop things, and I ended contact, even though I liked the parent, It was safer for my DC and family overall.

You’re wrong about everything you’ve written, but that’s pretty clearly just how things always roll for you.

So defensive.

When you find yourself on the side of people who gleefully refer to a child with disabilities as “it,” maybe you should rethink your life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of the kids of the judgmental parents in this thread are going to end up with severe anxiety issues in high schools.

But they are all good parents! Not like those other parents with "bad kids".

“My kid who hits is the good kid! The one who doesn’t is a bad kid with no future besides scoring Xanax!”

You all wish.

DP. Look, I realize you don't want to deal with the predictable outcome of being as nasty and judgmental of a parent as you clearly are, but I'm at the other end of this parenting journey and trust me, kids of people who are nasty and judgmental like you seem to be do not turn out well. They just don't.

And you can stuff it. I have a child with SNs, I’ve dealt with well-intentioned and not so well-intentioned inquiries. But you and your ilk are a total joke. It’s actually ok to make those dreaded “judgments” to keep a child physically safe. This isn’t tantamount to being cruel, or turning children against a peer with serious behavioral issues. Trust me, it just isn’t - and I didn’t personally write anything like that. The idea that anyone here could be keeping their fingers crossed that kids with parents who don’t let them be prey for out of control peers are all likely going to have anxiety disorders in college is a pipe dream. They just don’t.

I think you are defensive because you have been seen. Sorry, but children of nasty people turn out badly. You or one of your buddies in this thread are referring to a child with likely disabilities as “it.” Pretty evil stuff, and a lot worse than a kid bouncing off the walls.

Your kids will not turn out well with this kind of behavior modeled at home.

No. I have never called a child ‘it.’ Take your fantasies straight to your counselor. And potentially unlike you, I truly do have experience with SN therapies for my own DC; I know a lot about struggling and watching a child struggle to master things that come to others quickly. I also have a really amazing child, who is BFFs with a child with serious emotional regulation issues. That child’s parents are always working on helping their DC work on outbursts. It can get scary, but it can be worked on. I love that kid. But, I have also had the opposite experience with a parent of a truly destructive, violent child (this child didn’t pull down fixtures, but did yank of and destroy glass ornaments off of the Christmas tree, managing to destroy most, and then snatched and smashed their parent’s iPhone as a coda). OP’s description matches a lot of what I experienced there, and it was awful. That parent did virtually nothing to stop things, and I ended contact, even though I liked the parent, It was safer for my DC and family overall.

You’re wrong about everything you’ve written, but that’s pretty clearly just how things always roll for you.

So defensive.

When you find yourself on the side of people who gleefully refer to a child with disabilities as “it,” maybe you should rethink your life choices.

In this war of words, I do admit I am team Attached Sconce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simple answer here is that you can try an outside playdate where you can keep eyes on the kids and see how it goes. If he hits your child or makes it otherwise really unpleasant for your child, then you don't do anymore activities where the kids are along for quite some time. You could see the mom/parents in a kid-free set up. No need to be dramatic, but also absolutely do not sacrifice your child or your home to bad behavior.

How many times do you let a kid hit your kid before you call it quits? Come on.

DCUM has an extreme zero tolerance policy for kids. But in the real world, kids at 5, 6, 7 are still really young and sometimes are the hitter and sometimes are the hittee. And kids are all far from perfect (thank goodness).

NP here. This is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m a non -ADHD female (was more on the goody-two-shoes side than anything else), and I distinctly remember a female friend and I deliberately kicking each other when we were both 6 or 7ish. Not our best moment, but we both turned out to be perfectly functional adults…and didn’t go through any type of juvenile delinquency in the meantime.

And my little cousin was a prolific biter when she was in preschool. She also grew up and turned out just fine (more than fine - she’s a great mom and works in a very caring profession. I’m sure that she hasn’t bit anyone in decades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simple answer here is that you can try an outside playdate where you can keep eyes on the kids and see how it goes. If he hits your child or makes it otherwise really unpleasant for your child, then you don't do anymore activities where the kids are along for quite some time. You could see the mom/parents in a kid-free set up. No need to be dramatic, but also absolutely do not sacrifice your child or your home to bad behavior.

How many times do you let a kid hit your kid before you call it quits? Come on.

DCUM has an extreme zero tolerance policy for kids. But in the real world, kids at 5, 6, 7 are still really young and sometimes are the hitter and sometimes are the hittee. And kids are all far from perfect (thank goodness).

NP here. This is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m a non -ADHD female (was more on the goody-two-shoes side than anything else), and I distinctly remember a female friend and I deliberately kicking each other when we were both 6 or 7ish. Not our best moment, but we both turned out to be perfectly functional adults…and didn’t go through any type of juvenile delinquency in the meantime.

And my little cousin was a prolific biter when she was in preschool. She also grew up and turned out just fine (more than fine - she’s a great mom and works in a very caring profession. I’m sure that she hasn’t bit anyone in decades

This is reasonable, but I think most of the PPs telling OP to cut their relationship can’t understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simple answer here is that you can try an outside playdate where you can keep eyes on the kids and see how it goes. If he hits your child or makes it otherwise really unpleasant for your child, then you don't do anymore activities where the kids are along for quite some time. You could see the mom/parents in a kid-free set up. No need to be dramatic, but also absolutely do not sacrifice your child or your home to bad behavior.

How many times do you let a kid hit your kid before you call it quits? Come on.

DCUM has an extreme zero tolerance policy for kids. But in the real world, kids at 5, 6, 7 are still really young and sometimes are the hitter and sometimes are the hittee. And kids are all far from perfect (thank goodness).

NP here. This is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m a non -ADHD female (was more on the goody-two-shoes side than anything else), and I distinctly remember a female friend and I deliberately kicking each other when we were both 6 or 7ish. Not our best moment, but we both turned out to be perfectly functional adults…and didn’t go through any type of juvenile delinquency in the meantime.

And my little cousin was a prolific biter when she was in preschool. She also grew up and turned out just fine (more than fine - she’s a great mom and works in a very caring profession. I’m sure that she hasn’t bit anyone in decades

This is reasonable, but I think most of the PPs telling OP to cut their relationship can’t understand this.

The kid OP is talking about is not exhibiting typical kid behavior. It’s obvious because she is not the only one thinking about cutting off play dates with the child. She said friend group. It’s a concerning pattern by the child. Plus OP said that no one was the hitter except the child, who hit multiple kids to the extent that he made them cry. Pulling a scone off the wall is not typical kid behavior either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach our children to have boundaries. We teach them that if they're treated badly - when someone is physically hurting them or makes them afraid - use boundaries.

This behavior is not acceptable and should not be tolerated.

Kindness and inclusion here can be extended to the mom, alone, without her child.

\

I'm really glad you just came out and said it. No kindness for the disabled child. And people wonder why parents with "bad" children don't confide in them?

Your reading comprehension is terrible.

Nope. She read it just fine.

Nope. Both of your reading comprehension is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of ignorance and arrogance.

We all hope the next IEP takes and the ‘explosive child’ book series really helps out. Blessings and best of luck to you.

Correction. Ignorance, arrogance, and being a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simple answer here is that you can try an outside playdate where you can keep eyes on the kids and see how it goes. If he hits your child or makes it otherwise really unpleasant for your child, then you don't do anymore activities where the kids are along for quite some time. You could see the mom/parents in a kid-free set up. No need to be dramatic, but also absolutely do not sacrifice your child or your home to bad behavior.

How many times do you let a kid hit your kid before you call it quits? Come on.

DCUM has an extreme zero tolerance policy for kids. But in the real world, kids at 5, 6, 7 are still really young and sometimes are the hitter and sometimes are the hittee. And kids are all far from perfect (thank goodness).

NP here. This is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m a non -ADHD female (was more on the goody-two-shoes side than anything else), and I distinctly remember a female friend and I deliberately kicking each other when we were both 6 or 7ish. Not our best moment, but we both turned out to be perfectly functional adults…and didn’t go through any type of juvenile delinquency in the meantime.

And my little cousin was a prolific biter when she was in preschool. She also grew up and turned out just fine (more than fine - she’s a great mom and works in a very caring profession. I’m sure that she hasn’t bit anyone in decades

This is reasonable, but I think most of the PPs telling OP to cut their relationship can’t understand this.

Actually, no one is telling her to cut her relationship with her friend. In fact, everyone is saying the opposite. But only to limit interactions with her son. Considering she and her kids are uncomfortable around him due to his personality, behavior, both- that is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simple answer here is that you can try an outside playdate where you can keep eyes on the kids and see how it goes. If he hits your child or makes it otherwise really unpleasant for your child, then you don't do anymore activities where the kids are along for quite some time. You could see the mom/parents in a kid-free set up. No need to be dramatic, but also absolutely do not sacrifice your child or your home to bad behavior.

How many times do you let a kid hit your kid before you call it quits? Come on.

DCUM has an extreme zero tolerance policy for kids. But in the real world, kids at 5, 6, 7 are still really young and sometimes are the hitter and sometimes are the hittee. And kids are all far from perfect (thank goodness).

NP here. This is pretty much what I was thinking. I’m a non -ADHD female (was more on the goody-two-shoes side than anything else), and I distinctly remember a female friend and I deliberately kicking each other when we were both 6 or 7ish. Not our best moment, but we both turned out to be perfectly functional adults…and didn’t go through any type of juvenile delinquency in the meantime.

And my little cousin was a prolific biter when she was in preschool. She also grew up and turned out just fine (more than fine - she’s a great mom and works in a very caring profession. I’m sure that she hasn’t bit anyone in decades

This is reasonable, but I think most of the PPs telling OP to cut their relationship can’t understand this.

Actually, no one is telling her to cut her relationship with her friend. In fact, everyone is saying the opposite. But only to limit interactions with her son. Considering she and her kids are uncomfortable around him due to his personality, behavior, both- that is reasonable.

That's some selective reading. You seem to have skipped over a number of posts.