Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

DP, but they’re not being direct. They’re complaining and trying to pass it off as light-hearted, when it’s almost certainly not.

Are you always this extra, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

NP I think that’s fine and it helps when everyone is in agreement. If it’s just one couple complaining a lot about everything they can be a real bummer to be around. Constructive criticism is generally taken much better than general complaints. Not saying this is definitely the case in OPs situation since I’m not there but I have traveled with a negative Nancy before and it made the whole trip a lot less fun. At some point, complaining about old pots and pans feels a little petty.

I am PP - and 100%. It really depends on the overall dynamic.

It sounds to me here like OP has been waiting to go away with her son and grandkids for a long time, and is now feeling really crushed that they are being sort of petty and not that excited now that they are actually there. That really stinks, too. It feels really bad when you have high expectations that are trashed by other people being less enthusiastic or petty.

I hope that they can all mellow out a little bit here, and start enjoying the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Sorry to hear it’s not your type of vacation! This is what we find fun and relaxing.”

And then if you want to let them know it bothers you: “If it truly isn’t a vacation for you, I won’t be offended if you choose to move to a hotel for the rest of your stay. But if you choose to stay here, I ask that you keep the “trip” comments to people who aren’t me, as DH and I like this kind of vacation.”

If there continues to be pushback, spell it out: “Sucking it up and bringing TP and making beds is the price you/the other kids pay for having a free rental. I think that’s a pretty easy ‘string attached’, but if you don’t like it you don’t have to stay with us in the future.”

And if all these options are horrifying to you or make you think “I’d never risk my kids not coming back!”, you have your answer — say nothing and it’s your turn to suck it up.

OMG- OP, do not do any of this. Just ignore the petty comments and keep up a great attitude with the other couples and all the grandkids. They will wear down eventually. But if you say any of this passive-aggressive crap you’re just giving them what they want

[Anonymous]

This makes me sad. We just got back from a week at the beach with my parents and siblings and everyone had a good time. The house was a little too small, but that's ok. We spent most of our time outside of it.

My brother and I paid and my parents thanked us by taking us out to dinner one night and thanking us when they got home. People shouldn't say mean things about a vacation house they're staying at for free. It would hurt my feelings too.

[Anonymous]

Last time rented a beach house with in laws, we slept in a room with bunk beds. We woke up early to the sound of kids and slamming doors. We waited for our turn to use the bathroom and a 5 minute shower (ration the hot water). The days were long and went down hill from there.

Not sleeping well, cooking was a major production with different tastes and food allergies, cleaning continuously, everyone was bored, people drank too much. I hated it and was exhausted at the end.

[Anonymous]

I agree the son and DIL were just making complaints about the house, not OP. They were being rude to OP unknowningly.

How can you bring it up, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last time rented a beach house with in laws, we slept in a room with bunk beds. We woke up early to the sound of kids and slamming doors. We waited for our turn to use the bathroom and a 5 minute shower (ration the hot water). The days were long and went down hill from there.

Not sleeping well, cooking was a major production with different tastes and food allergies, cleaning continuously, everyone was bored, people drank too much. I hated it and was exhausted at the end.

+1

Now, add OP and no wonder DIL had something to say - no matter how trivial!

Your DIL sounds like a saint, OP.


Learn how to back off, maybe - are you usually a bully, OP - a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Some of the meanest MILs I have seen in action look like meek little old ladies, but no way would I want to be their DIL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. We just got back from a week at the beach with my parents and siblings and everyone had a good time. The house was a little too small, but that's ok. We spent most of our time outside of it.

My brother and I paid and my parents thanked us by taking us out to dinner one night and thanking us when they got home. People shouldn't say mean things about a vacation house they're staying at for free. It would hurt my feelings too.

How does this even make sense that this is about you and your feelings - if you (wait for it) don't even own the rental house???

So what, OP? Don't you have bigger troubles? Maybe you need to volunteer at a orphanage or something, to understand gratitude.

What would happen if something really serious happened in your life, OP? Are you really this sheltered?

[Anonymous]

Details aren't important. Conversation preceived as rude needs to be called out. It might be they think they are being funny, sarcasm. You need to be direct about conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Details aren't important. Conversation preceived as rude needs to be called out. It might be they think they are being funny, sarcasm. You need to be direct about conversations.

Perhaps - but don't overreact about something that means nothing.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you used to having a voice? I am wondering, because you refused to say anything when it happened.

If you came from the "children should be seen and not heard" upbringing, you might find fault with DIL speaking up.

If you don't have a voice, and expect DIL not to have a voice, how is there supposed to be any kind of relationship?

Were you not valued growing up, and in your marriage, OP? Did you contribute anything? Because maybe there is some of you trying to keep DIL in (what you perceive as) her place - because of how you were treated.

Maybe you are projecting, OP. Did you consider that?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't use your words, how is that DIL's fault??

Maybe she does not know how hypersensitive you are about inanimate objects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

+1

No kidding - it's not like OP owns the house - it's not personal. You should be able to discuss it without OP taking it personally. OP, it has nothing to do with you.

In fact, if I did own the house - I would be grateful for the honest input - I would note what needs to be changed, in order for the house to be comfortable for everyone (not just OP). I mean, sleep is a big deal, vacation or not.

OP, why so precious?

Nope. The curtain complainers are being jerks and they know it. Some of you are twisting yourself into knots because you can't even come down on the side of a MIL against a DIL. If your mom doesn't like your haircut, she's not being cruel, she's giving you feedback that your hairstylist sucks. Don't take it personally. And if she mentions your weight, she just cares about your health. Don't be so obtuse, son and DIL aren't giving constructive feedback and they know it. Their pissy about the whole arrangement and they want everyone to know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. We just got back from a week at the beach with my parents and siblings and everyone had a good time. The house was a little too small, but that's ok. We spent most of our time outside of it.

My brother and I paid and my parents thanked us by taking us out to dinner one night and thanking us when they got home. People shouldn't say mean things about a vacation house they're staying at for free. It would hurt my feelings too.

How does this even make sense that this is about you and your feelings - if you (wait for it) don't even own the rental house???

So what, OP? Don't you have bigger troubles? Maybe you need to volunteer at a orphanage or something, to understand gratitude.

What would happen if something really serious happened in your life, OP? Are you really this sheltered?

Maybe OP is a total witch or maybe she’s just a nice lady who was really looking forward to time with her family and is sad that some of the people she loves the most in this world are seemingly miserable on a vacation that she planned with their needs in mind. I’ll assume the best of everyone here because why not and say son and dil are sarcastic and blunt and don’t realize their comments are bringing people down and OP is disappointed because she had high hopes for the vacation. Hopefully OP can brush off the comments and remember that they aren’t intended to be hurtful and hopefully her son can pick up the mood a bit and recognize that complaining about the vacation at every turn is bringing the mood down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Well, they have a valid point, OP.

I mean, do you share space every time you go away, or do you do vacations where you don't have to cook or clean? Most people prefer their own space, and as little work as possible. Isn't that what makes it a vacation?