Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

There is honesty and there is complaining. I’m honest with my mother but, because I love my mother and enjoy her company, I don’t complain about inane things. There is a difference between asking for help to solve an issue and being a Debbie downer on a vacation your loved ones are trying to enjoy.

I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt OP and hope they are just immature and trying to be funny and make jokes. They don’t realize it makes you feel badly about the whole vacation because you put time and effort hoping people will enjoy it. If I was you, I would say something to your son. It’s really up to him to set the tone with his family and if a family vacation is too much with kids they can politely say that next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

X1000. People must understand this, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

^ I guess it all really depends on your relationship and dynamic, is what it comes down to. if the son and DIL are muttering about the crappy curtains just to be jerks, then of course they shouldn't do that. Also then it sounds like a pattern of them being mean and cold generally. So maybe that's it - if they are being mean and cold generally, and this is part of it, then that's jerky and OP should tell them to quit it.

If they are all warm and loving, and they're mentioning it just because they're mentioning it, then get over it. And use that info to help decide where you'll rent a place next summer if you want to do this again. Sounds like they don't like this place; have them help pick the next place, if you and they are interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

+1

No kidding - it's not like OP owns the house - it's not personal. You should be able to discuss it without OP taking it personally. OP, it has nothing to do with you.

In fact, if I did own the house - I would be grateful for the honest input - I would note what needs to be changed, in order for the house to be comfortable for everyone (not just OP). I mean, sleep is a big deal, vacation or not.

OP, why so precious?

[Anonymous]

See, my mom and I would have afield day - if someone brought up points about the house - we might bring up one or two other points about the house. It is an exchange. Not everyone has to communicate on OP's terms.

If I brought up the curtains (or lack of) - my mom would say "you know, that is a great point. Come to think of it, my curtains kind of suck, too. Next year remind me to bring those $5. temporary Home Depot black out shades, so we can get some decent sleep, and peaceful, restful vacation!"

OP, are you always this irrational and controlling? What else do you try to control? You kind of sound like a PITA. OP sounds much more of an adversary or contrarian than the DIL, frankly. Besides, you are the elder (and supposedly wiser) adult, OP - act like it.

[Anonymous]

* a field

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

+1

No kidding - it's not like OP owns the house - it's not personal. You should be able to discuss it without OP taking it personally. OP, it has nothing to do with you.

In fact, if I did own the house - I would be grateful for the honest input - I would note what needs to be changed, in order for the house to be comfortable for everyone (not just OP). I mean, sleep is a big deal, vacation or not.

OP, why so precious?

I'm guessing OP and her DIL are already not each other's favorite which is probably why they are both pricklier about this than they need to be. No question that DIL (and son) are being rude. They clearly knew what was involved in a beach house trip, since it sounds like they attended before Covid, so they should have declined if they didn't want to go.

OP, you need to GRACIOUSLY ACCEPT if they decline in the future though - without guilt tripping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

^ I guess it all really depends on your relationship and dynamic, is what it comes down to. if the son and DIL are muttering about the crappy curtains just to be jerks, then of course they shouldn't do that. Also then it sounds like a pattern of them being mean and cold generally. So maybe that's it - if they are being mean and cold generally, and this is part of it, then that's jerky and OP should tell them to quit it.

If they are all warm and loving, and they're mentioning it just because they're mentioning it, then get over it. And use that info to help decide where you'll rent a place next summer if you want to do this again. Sounds like they don't like this place; have them help pick the next place, if you and they are interested.

+1

OP, since you mentioned it, how would you feel if you had no sleep, when it was supposed to be a restful break?

Maybe you should switch rooms with the DIL, if you think the lack of decent curtains are NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

NP I think that’s fine and it helps when everyone is in agreement. If it’s just one couple complaining a lot about everything they can be a real bummer to be around. Constructive criticism is generally taken much better than general complaints. Not saying this is definitely the case in OPs situation since I’m not there but I have traveled with a negative Nancy before and it made the whole trip a lot less fun. At some point, complaining about old pots and pans feels a little petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

+1

No kidding - it's not like OP owns the house - it's not personal. You should be able to discuss it without OP taking it personally. OP, it has nothing to do with you.

In fact, if I did own the house - I would be grateful for the honest input - I would note what needs to be changed, in order for the house to be comfortable for everyone (not just OP). I mean, sleep is a big deal, vacation or not.

OP, why so precious?

I'm guessing OP and her DIL are already not each other's favorite which is probably why they are both pricklier about this than they need to be. No question that DIL (and son) are being rude. They clearly knew what was involved in a beach house trip, since it sounds like they attended before Covid, so they should have declined if they didn't want to go.

OP, you need to GRACIOUSLY ACCEPT if they decline in the future though - without guilt tripping.

Other PP here. I agree. But I do think OP owes it to the family to ensure that there is a warm and accepting environment. Some older women just like to make a point, and I feel OP is being rude herself.

I know MIL that gush over strangers, but their DIL can do no right. That is frankly pretty sh*tty behavior, if that is OP's stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

If you've gained weight can your mom just say it? I mean, it's your mom. "You look fatter, have you gained weight?" Is now ok, right? She's just being honest. "Oh and that new haircut? Looks terrible". We don't always have to say every thought in our heads.

In those cases you're being deliberately cruel. But also how many times did your mother tell you to go change because you were wearing something that looked bad?

But here, I think it's ok to say that you're not sleeping well because of the curtains. Maybe you're trying to explain why you're taking it easy today - you're exhausted because you're not sleeping enough, or whatever. Or maybe you don't want to go on and on about how perfect this is, then OP thinks that she should rent this same house every year! I rented a house with my parents for a week last summer and it was great in lots of ways but the couches were really uncomfortable. We all mentioned it! And if we went to that same place again we'd probably try a different house so we could lounge around comfortably a little more. Why is that so bad to do?

NP I think that’s fine and it helps when everyone is in agreement. If it’s just one couple complaining a lot about everything they can be a real bummer to be around. Constructive criticism is generally taken much better than general complaints. Not saying this is definitely the case in OPs situation since I’m not there but I have traveled with a negative Nancy before and it made the whole trip a lot less fun. At some point, complaining about old pots and pans feels a little petty.

I suppose. But if someone asks you - why are you throwing up all night and day since day two of vacation - feel free to say (for example) it is because the dishwasher does not work properly, and the hand washing of dishes during covid probably took a bad turn. I mean, if that was the case, and my DIL was immunocompromised, I would express genuine concern and ask her about her health, not try to say DIL is acting like a princess. Just one example that happened to one of my friends, so I'm a little sensitive when a MIL complains about her DIL.

I know there are some MIL's who want the DIL to be more like her, and I find that lack of self awareness, especially at an older age, to be kind of gross. As we tell our small children, how boring would it be if everyone were alike??

OP, I think you need to get over yourself. Since you asked.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am genuinely curious - are you always this hypersensitive??

Wondering how saying something about the curtains is "insulting a vacation you paid for"????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complaining is terrible hobby, usually picked up by dull people with not much else to talk about.. It's just like gossiping.

They both can be stopped but only if the people doing it realize how ugly they sound, and that it represents bad character.

If people are complaining, other people should listen, instead of telling them to stop complaining. OP can't tell people how to feel. She is shutting them down and telling them should feel differently. Don't complain, you should be grateful to spend your vacation time in a house with me - cooking and cleaning. I enjoy it, you should too.

It's called manners.

With your own parents? You can't even just be honest with them

DP, but they’re not being direct. They’re complaining and trying to pass it off as light-hearted, when it’s almost certainly not.