Husband following 20-year old on social media…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god a lot of you are insecure

Is that what you tell your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

Sweetie, don’t say “selfies of herself”. It makes you sound very, very old and out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say get a shaver and learn to cut his hair.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it is inappropriate behavior. Ask him to clarify why he is following the receptionist and not his hair stylist or salon.

I wouldn’t let a non-professional anywhere near my hair. Not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

Man here, same philosophy. It's the whole concept of Hooters. If you are going out for beer and wings, all else being equal, why not a place where hot young women serve it? As long as you aren't creepy, it's normal

And tip big, especially if she draws the heart over the I in Tiffani

Hooters is creepy. How old are you? Ugh.

40s.

Women in their 40s don't like looking at attractive young men?

How many strip clubs are there that cater to women vs men? There’s your answer.

In general women do not get off on paying for men to display their bodies. That’s just not what does it for us.

Yep. Trashy romance novels and rom coms are where it’s at.

Different strokes.

Different than using a real person who needs money for your sexual needs? Yes, very.

Yeah — I wouldn’t compare a book to a woman who needs to strip to make rent or tuition. Men don’t care when it comes to getting what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

Shame. What a healthy communication technique!

[Anonymous]

Middle-aged DH and I follow all kinds of people -- men and women -- on Twitter. Some have drastically different politics or viewpoints from me as I like to see those. Some are young women who are in the same field as I'm in -- I like to read their posts on topics in our industry. They also post photos and personal items there also, but who cares? I'd probably follow the person at the salon too if she asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged DH and I follow all kinds of people -- men and women -- on Twitter. Some have drastically different politics or viewpoints from me as I like to see those. Some are young women who are in the same field as I'm in -- I like to read their posts on topics in our industry. They also post photos and personal items there also, but who cares? I'd probably follow the person at the salon too if she asked.

Yeah, he’s definitely following the receptionist for her political viewpoints and tips on the industry. The industry of receptionisting.

[Anonymous]

We see a lot of weird stuff on this forum but this thread utterly baffles me. If I’m following correctly, many of you - many! - not only care who your spouse follows on Instagram but think it’s “disrespectful” if a husband follows the young woman from his barber shop?

Serious question: do you know how Instagram works? Following someone doesn’t mean anything in particular beyond “I can see their posts now.” It doesn’t equate to a relationship or carry any depth at all. It is beyond innocuous. The levels of desperation and insecurity, or confusion if we’re being charitable, in this thread are quite a sight to see.

The good news, though, is that if you do feel this way it’s a great opportunity to look inward and ask yourself why. Something is causing that and it’s worth going into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

Why on earth do men have Instagram accounts if their wives are jealous? This guy is a fool.

I can't believe the guy is cheating if he's this dumb to leave a publicly viewable trail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged DH and I follow all kinds of people -- men and women -- on Twitter. Some have drastically different politics or viewpoints from me as I like to see those. Some are young women who are in the same field as I'm in -- I like to read their posts on topics in our industry. They also post photos and personal items there also, but who cares? I'd probably follow the person at the salon too if she asked.

Yeah, he’s definitely following the receptionist for her political viewpoints and tips on the industry. The industry of receptionisting.

Indeed. Ok to follow if they are:

- Male, any age, any industry
- Female, older than a certain age
- Female any age, but only if they are in the same industry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged DH and I follow all kinds of people -- men and women -- on Twitter. Some have drastically different politics or viewpoints from me as I like to see those. Some are young women who are in the same field as I'm in -- I like to read their posts on topics in our industry. They also post photos and personal items there also, but who cares? I'd probably follow the person at the salon too if she asked.

Yeah, he’s definitely following the receptionist for her political viewpoints and tips on the industry. The industry of receptionisting.

Indeed. Ok to follow if they are:

- Male, any age, any industry
- Female, older than a certain age
- Female any age, but only if they are in the same industry

Oh please,.let's make this simple

Ok to follow if she is old and unattractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

Why on earth do men have Instagram accounts if their wives are jealous? This guy is a fool.

I can't believe the guy is cheating if he's this dumb to leave a publicly viewable trail.

He is bored and wants to f around, too lazy to keep it discreet. If she married him she knows what she settled for. I’m betting this isn’t the first time he has behaved like an ass.

[Anonymous]

OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle-aged DH and I follow all kinds of people -- men and women -- on Twitter. Some have drastically different politics or viewpoints from me as I like to see those. Some are young women who are in the same field as I'm in -- I like to read their posts on topics in our industry. They also post photos and personal items there also, but who cares? I'd probably follow the person at the salon too if she asked.

Yeah, he’s definitely following the receptionist for her political viewpoints and tips on the industry. The industry of receptionisting.

HA!!!

[Anonymous]

Eh, let him have a little fun. I doubt there’s ever anything but that insta following. He just wants a break from a 40 yo wife and a bunch of kids lol
Fwiw I am a 45 yo female