Husband following 20-year old on social media…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Look discreetly if you must. Following someone on Insta makes you look thirsty and disrespectful. It’s the social media equivalent of getting drunk and handsy at an office party.

+1

I wouldn't judge a woman whose husband did this, but I would feel bad for her. And if my DH did it, I'd feel embarrassed. It's no much a judgment of her as that his actions reflect poorly on their relationship.

Agreed. Fine if DH finds other women attractive. I find other men attractive. Neither of us go around telling other people we think they are hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be a divorce for me. Sorry.

+1

Same here. But, usually women with a lot of self-esteem do not attract or marry such loser men. If this would make you divorce your DH, then rest assured that your husband will also not behave in such a vulgar manner.

Women who tolerate such behavior are usually married to men who require such tolerance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be a divorce for me. Sorry.

+1

Same here. But, usually women with a lot of self-esteem do not attract or marry such loser men. If this would make you divorce your DH, then rest assured that your husband will also not behave in such a vulgar manner.

Women who tolerate such behavior are usually married to men who require such tolerance.

This. OP said she used to blame herself for the behavior, she seems to realize it’s not about her now. I think sometimes women internalize cultural messages that a man will treat you better if he really cares about you. The truth is men treat you however they want to treat you, and if you don’t like it you need to decide whether you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

Yeah, it would come off as creepy if you sought out the cute cashier at your local grocery store and followed her on Instagram. She is not an ex, colleague, or acquaintance. It’s really not the same as someone you don’t know well from work following you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

Yeah, it would come off as creepy if you sought out the cute cashier at your local grocery store and followed her on Instagram. She is not an ex, colleague, or acquaintance. It’s really not the same as someone you don’t know well from work following you.

+1 People seem to not be getting that this is entirely about context. It is precisely the level of closeness and platonic-ness. An ex is a known quantity. Someone your spouse works with but might harbor an attraction to is too, to an extent (and at least they have a platonic reason for following). Likewise, following some hot celeb you lust after is no big deal because you aren't close at all.

But someone you see regularly, don't work with, your spouse has never met, with this specific age difference and NO other reason for following on social media? It's gross.

I think one reason I instantly went "ick" is that I know enough early 20s women to know what this person's instagram looks like, and there is absolutely no reason for a 40 something married guy to follow it. I guarantee this woman is posting selfies, party pics, vacation pics (but of the kind of vacation you can afford as a 21 year old receptionist, so... party pics and selfies), and then some kind of silly stuff for color -- dumb memes and screen grabs, the odd pic of her food or her nails, etc.

What possible reason would a 41 year old man have for looking at these photos? Other than wanting to impress/attract/bone the person posting them. There are none. He's not looking for cool party venues in Ft. Lauderdale or a good manicure shade recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

Yeah, it would come off as creepy if you sought out the cute cashier at your local grocery store and followed her on Instagram. She is not an ex, colleague, or acquaintance. It’s really not the same as someone you don’t know well from work following you.

+1 People seem to not be getting that this is entirely about context. It is precisely the level of closeness and platonic-ness. An ex is a known quantity. Someone your spouse works with but might harbor an attraction to is too, to an extent (and at least they have a platonic reason for following). Likewise, following some hot celeb you lust after is no big deal because you aren't close at all.

But someone you see regularly, don't work with, your spouse has never met, with this specific age difference and NO other reason for following on social media? It's gross.

I think one reason I instantly went "ick" is that I know enough early 20s women to know what this person's instagram looks like, and there is absolutely no reason for a 40 something married guy to follow it. I guarantee this woman is posting selfies, party pics, vacation pics (but of the kind of vacation you can afford as a 21 year old receptionist, so... party pics and selfies), and then some kind of silly stuff for color -- dumb memes and screen grabs, the odd pic of her food or her nails, etc.

What possible reason would a 41 year old man have for looking at these photos? Other than wanting to impress/attract/bone the person posting them. There are none. He's not looking for cool party venues in Ft. Lauderdale or a good manicure shade recommendation.

Ha!!

[Anonymous]

Like a 20-year-old has designs on your 40-year-old husband.

Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like a 20-year-old has designs on your 40-year-old husband.

Unclench.

Your directive is far more uptight.

The dude is an embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

Yeah, it would come off as creepy if you sought out the cute cashier at your local grocery store and followed her on Instagram. She is not an ex, colleague, or acquaintance. It’s really not the same as someone you don’t know well from work following you.

+1 People seem to not be getting that this is entirely about context. It is precisely the level of closeness and platonic-ness. An ex is a known quantity. Someone your spouse works with but might harbor an attraction to is too, to an extent (and at least they have a platonic reason for following). Likewise, following some hot celeb you lust after is no big deal because you aren't close at all.

But someone you see regularly, don't work with, your spouse has never met, with this specific age difference and NO other reason for following on social media? It's gross.

I think one reason I instantly went "ick" is that I know enough early 20s women to know what this person's instagram looks like, and there is absolutely no reason for a 40 something married guy to follow it. I guarantee this woman is posting selfies, party pics, vacation pics (but of the kind of vacation you can afford as a 21 year old receptionist, so... party pics and selfies), and then some kind of silly stuff for color -- dumb memes and screen grabs, the odd pic of her food or her nails, etc.

What possible reason would a 41 year old man have for looking at these photos? Other than wanting to impress/attract/bone the person posting them. There are none. He's not looking for cool party venues in Ft. Lauderdale or a good manicure shade recommendation.

Respectfully, this is just insecurity. Which is normal but you need to acknowledge it.

Basically, if she were 55 and unattractive you wouldn't care

[Anonymous]

A couple pages back OP already said the dude has sent inappropriate messages on social media to girls while they were dating, and that he likes young girls. So I think it’s pretty obvious what’s up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple pages back OP already said the dude has sent inappropriate messages on social media to girls while they were dating, and that he likes young girls. So I think it’s pretty obvious what’s up here.

Exactly. He has a trans am and isn’t afraid of acid wash. Man is not on the up and up.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the post I started months ago about how my wife doesn't want me to mentor young female associates at my law firm over drinks because it embarrass her. Young men and older women are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it make the wife look rediculous? All men look at hot young women. It's not a reflection on the wife. It's human nature.

Yes, it’s normal to check out hot people. It’s not normal to stalk random employees of businesses you frequent on social media and follow them so you can check them out online. The difference seems obvious to me but, apparently, it’s not?

Huh, I am a man and I have a lot of people I work with and who I don't know that well who friend me on Facebook or follow me on IG. I never saw accepting that invite as disrespectful. I have no idea who follows my wife and I don't care.

You are telling me your entire social media feed is only close and platonic people? So no ex boyfriends, etc?

This is all so fascinating.

That's pretty common in the DCUM age group, though. That's why I'm not sure a 20YO has ill intentions (can't speak for OP's DH, though) as young people will follow strangers and people they barely know, not just their close friends and celeb accounts, which is what the typical DCUM poster does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the post I started months ago about how my wife doesn't want me to mentor young female associates at my law firm over drinks because it embarrass her. Young men and older women are fine.

I see this as a completely different scenario. I would have no issue with DH mentoring a younger female colleague. I would feel extremely uncomfortable with him looking up and following cute receptionists at businesses he frequents. The latter is weird and creepy.

PSA: It’s creepy to look up and follow the attractive young waitress, barista, or receptionist you don’t really know but think is hot. Especially if you are a much older married person.