Husband following 20-year old on social media…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

Then it sounds like a troll since you wait 10 pages to bring it up.

Well, I guess kids are off for the long weekend...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

He likes younger women, who doesn’t? Some just aren’t bold enough to admit it
The thing is, how far will they go. He didn’t marry a younger woman so why would he leave you and be with one now? He is unlikely to even do anything… beyond messaging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

As said above — you knew what you settled for. You chose to marry a philanderer. This is what you get. If you want to be respected in a marriage, do not go for a guy who’s all about women all the time. They generally don’t make great husbands. Eventually when things get boring or tough, their coping mechanism is going to be to f around.

You probably threatened him with some stuff when he did this before and it worked, right? So you know the playbook. He’s not going to settle down of his own accord. You chose this so handle it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird that she followed him. I had plenty of customer facing service industry jobs in my early 20s and I would never have wanted to follow a regular customer unless we actually became friends. And I wasn’t out there making friends with men in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

Then it sounds like a troll since you wait 10 pages to bring it up.

Well, I guess kids are off for the long weekend...

OP here: I didn’t bring it up at first because we worked hard to get through issues in the past, and have moved forward.We haven’t had any problems for years now, until this. So I wanted to see what others peoples opinions were, since I know his past and that clouds my judgement on things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

As said above — you knew what you settled for. You chose to marry a philanderer. This is what you get. If you want to be respected in a marriage, do not go for a guy who’s all about women all the time. They generally don’t make great husbands. Eventually when things get boring or tough, their coping mechanism is going to be to f around.

You probably threatened him with some stuff when he did this before and it worked, right? So you know the playbook. He’s not going to settle down of his own accord. You chose this so handle it.

OP here: Thank you for that last sentence…sometimes you just need a wake up call I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

Then it sounds like a troll since you wait 10 pages to bring it up.

Well, I guess kids are off for the long weekend...

OP here: I didn’t bring it up at first because we worked hard to get through issues in the past, and have moved forward.We haven’t had any problems for years now, until this. So I wanted to see what others peoples opinions were, since I know his past and that clouds my judgement on things.

Honey, the only clouded judgment you had was when you worked hard to get past this.

Guys like this don’t change. The dishonesty is a character issue. Whatever BS he told you last time to convince you he was past that was just that, BS. This kind of guy does whatever he wants and can get away with without respect for others. He can’t even respect you enough not to lie to your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

As said above — you knew what you settled for. You chose to marry a philanderer. This is what you get. If you want to be respected in a marriage, do not go for a guy who’s all about women all the time. They generally don’t make great husbands. Eventually when things get boring or tough, their coping mechanism is going to be to f around.

You probably threatened him with some stuff when he did this before and it worked, right? So you know the playbook. He’s not going to settle down of his own accord. You chose this so handle it.

OP here: Thank you for that last sentence…sometimes you just need a wake up call I guess.

PP here. I did not intend to be unkind, just trying to be real with you. This is what you have to deal with and I’m guessing you know how.

Counseling might help if he’s willing. He probably compartmentalizes a lot, not just this stuff. If you want to get to a more trusting place in the relationship he has some work to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

OMG a history of dating younger women? You're doomed. You better hit the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

OMG a history of dating younger women? You're doomed. You better hit the gym.

OP here: That’s the thing. I’m very fit (I even teach fitness classes), smart and have a great career, look very young for my age, I’m adventurous, etc etc. I’m not saying that to make myself feel better, but it’s all true….and he STILL chooses to try and get the attention of a 20-year old?! I’m the past I blamed myself, but now I’m thinking there’s something mentally wrong with this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

My opinion wouldn’t change, but that’s mainly because my opinion is he’s just going to move onto the Instagram account you don’t know about. Out of sight, out of mind has obviously worked on you in the past, no worries it will work again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

OMG a history of dating younger women? You're doomed. You better hit the gym.

OP here: That’s the thing. I’m very fit (I even teach fitness classes), smart and have a great career, look very young for my age, I’m adventurous, etc etc. I’m not saying that to make myself feel better, but it’s all true….and he STILL chooses to try and get the attention of a 20-year old?! I’m the past I blamed myself, but now I’m thinking there’s something mentally wrong with this man.

It has nothing to do with you. This is all on him. If he doesn’t want to stop this, your only real choice is whether you want to be married to someone like this. It is really up to you. If it doesn’t bother you, fine. If it’s not what you want — take your bad self out there and someone else will appreciate you! Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: For those saying it’s no big deal…would your opinions change if you knew in the past he has used social media to send inappropriate messages to other women (before we were married, but yes, while we were dating), and that before we were together he had a history of dating younger women?

My opinion wouldn’t change, but that’s mainly because my opinion is he’s just going to move onto the Instagram account you don’t know about. Out of sight, out of mind has obviously worked on you in the past, no worries it will work again.

This. He does what he can get away with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god a lot of you are insecure

Is that what you tell your wife?

Don’t need to, she’s not insecure. She’d just laugh and tell me "good luck" if she thought I was hitting on a 20 year old.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised a lot of posters think this is normal on social media. Following coworkers, acquaintances, even professionals building a following to market their business, sure, but following random customer service workers you interact with is weird.

I get coffee at a nearby cafe and there is a hot younger barista who works there. Yeah, I check him out but I wouldn’t seek him out in Instagram and follow him because that would feel creepy to me and imo look pretty pathetic.