Husband following 20-year old on social media…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

Busted! And tried to hide with half truths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Him following a 20 year old woman on IG especially knowing everyone can see it screams disrespect to me.

Yup. I had a similar situation with my now ex-dh except this idiot didn't just comment on his social media, that wasn't enough for her. She also felt it was appropriate to publicly invite him to events, while excluding me, in a space where all our mutual friends could see.
Don't let all the gaslighting PPs who are desperately trying to convince you that you are the problem dissuade you from talking to him about it. It was definitely a symptom of a much bigger problem for us and he was never able to get himself under control and stop following/messaging her. With my current partner if either of us have this issue, the other would stop following/break contact on request, no problem. Hopefully it's the latter situation for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

PP that just posted a novel without realizing you were updating at about the same time, lol. His response is concerning and if he's really determined and/or she's really attention starved he might start following her secretly now. Sorry, I'm annoyed on your behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

OP here: But even if that’s the case…he would have needed to give her his social media info in order for her to follow…

Again, this is not necessarily true. She may have had his phone number saved into her phone, since she works the front desk, and it's connected to his Instagram. I routinely have service people pop up on my social media accounts as suggested followers.

Cool, walk us through this though. How / why would she have customer contact info saved on her personal phone? I think you'll find that most salon receptionists aren't running the business on their iPhones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

What? I have never been to a barber that washes your hair. They just cut it.

You have to go to a salon that cuts women's hair. I should not have said, barber. Years ago, I went to one place where they had shampoo girls who only washed your hair. Maybe they were learning? Then another woman who cut your hair. Had to tip them both but it was a great experience.

[Anonymous]

Whoever has a problem with this. Right now you should unfriend everybody on Facebook who is the opposite gender and less than half your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

Man here, same philosophy. It's the whole concept of Hooters. If you are going out for beer and wings, all else being equal, why not a place where hot young women serve it? As long as you aren't creepy, it's normal

And tip big, especially if she draws the heart over the I in Tiffani

Hooters is creepy. How old are you? Ugh.

40s.

Women in their 40s don't like looking at attractive young men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed out of line. I would causally ask the next time she comments, “By the way, i saw someone named xx comment on your insta. Who is she?” See what he says and if he is honest, shame him.

“So you have communicated closely enough with this random girl at the salon, who could be your daughter, to share personal social media information with?”

“That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to me and the kids. Disconnect from her now and find a new salon.”

OP here with an update: So the above is almost exactly what I ended up saying to him. His response was “haha she’s the receptionist at the salon I go too. I’m not following her back”.

But he was definitely 100% following her back. So I responded….”wrong, you are following her”. And then he denied it again, and when I checked again, he had unfollowed her. But he was DEFINITELY following her when I brought it up, and I even waited a couple days to say anything and he had been following her that whole time.

He said he accepted her follow request to be “nice and polite”. And I said, well how did she get your personal information in the first place in order to send the request?! And he basically tried to shrug me off.

Why on earth do men have Instagram accounts if their wives are jealous? This guy is a fool.

[Anonymous]

Even if his intentions were/are benign. I’d make sure this stops ASAP. Can only lead to trouble especially if said 20 year old wants to poach him quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

Man here, same philosophy. It's the whole concept of Hooters. If you are going out for beer and wings, all else being equal, why not a place where hot young women serve it? As long as you aren't creepy, it's normal

And tip big, especially if she draws the heart over the I in Tiffani

Hooters is creepy. How old are you? Ugh.

40s.

Women in their 40s don't like looking at attractive young men?

How many strip clubs are there that cater to women vs men? There’s your answer.

In general women do not get off on paying for men to display their bodies. That’s just not what does it for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

Man here, same philosophy. It's the whole concept of Hooters. If you are going out for beer and wings, all else being equal, why not a place where hot young women serve it? As long as you aren't creepy, it's normal

And tip big, especially if she draws the heart over the I in Tiffani

Hooters is creepy. How old are you? Ugh.

40s.

Women in their 40s don't like looking at attractive young men?

How many strip clubs are there that cater to women vs men? There’s your answer.

In general women do not get off on paying for men to display their bodies. That’s just not what does it for us.

Yep. Trashy romance novels and rom coms are where it’s at.

Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: The girl doesn’t have many followers on IG and only follows 200 people herself, which is why I thought it very odd my husband was one of them. Yes he may see her every week in the salon, but following on IG brings it to a personal level. Her posts on IG are selfies of herself and bikini pics.

Also, this is NOT his actual hairdresser, it’s just a random chick who works the front desk.

I’ll ask him about it, but am 100% sure he’ll make an excuse for it, which is why I wanted to check my intuition here first.

OP, I'm a DP from much earlier who is on your side and finds the IG following to be inappropriate. Not "blow up your marriage this instant!" bad but inappropriate.

When I checked back and saw this post I noted what's in bold above. Unless he's required to wear a super short military style buzz cut....What man is going to a salon every single week during a pandemic? I'm sure some posters will come to argue that tons of men get a weekly trim, I guess, pandemic be damned, but....well, that just jumped out at me.

Yeah, I get regular monthly haircuts..no guys I know visit a salon/barber weekly

I go to a local barber. If my barber employed hot chicks, especially to wash and cut my hair, like places I've gone in the past, I'd go more often. But that's where the fun and fantasy ends. I'm not creeping on them, asking for phone numbers or social media connections.

Man here, same philosophy. It's the whole concept of Hooters. If you are going out for beer and wings, all else being equal, why not a place where hot young women serve it? As long as you aren't creepy, it's normal

And tip big, especially if she draws the heart over the I in Tiffani

Hooters is creepy. How old are you? Ugh.

40s.

Women in their 40s don't like looking at attractive young men?

How many strip clubs are there that cater to women vs men? There’s your answer.

In general women do not get off on paying for men to display their bodies. That’s just not what does it for us.

Yep. Trashy romance novels and rom coms are where it’s at.

Different strokes.

Different than using a real person who needs money for your sexual needs? Yes, very.

[Anonymous]

The lying is a big issue.

[Anonymous]

Good god a lot of you are insecure