Husband following 20-year old on social media…

[Anonymous]

I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it absolutely would bother me

PS I'm in my 20s married to an older guy, in case that context helps validate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: He’s 41 years old. It bothers me because personally I don’t think it’s okay for my husband to be chatting and exchanging contact information with ANY other women, let alone a 20-year old. I wanted to see if Im over reacting…

Any woman is a weird arbitrary rule -- his mother? Your sister?
20 year old woman is different and your DH is a creeper.

[Anonymous]

Inappropriate, however, if your marriage isn’t solid then you need to work on that and not just demand he un-follow her.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I saw her comment on one of his posts and didn’t recognize her name, so I clicked on her profile to see who she was. If you want to consider that stalking, then so be it.

[Anonymous]

The one thing I would not do is tell him that I knew. Work on the marriage. If he loves you and is trustworthy this will go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

OP here: But even if that’s the case…he would have needed to give her his social media info in order for her to follow…

[Anonymous]

OP, who are you following on your IG or Facebook and other social media? And who follows you, messages you, and interacts with you on social media? Do you, for example, have any men who aren't family members who you interact with on social media? Younger men? Would you be willing to give up all social media to focus solely on your spouse?

This goes both ways, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

OP here: But even if that’s the case…he would have needed to give her his social media info in order for her to follow…

Again, this is not necessarily true. She may have had his phone number saved into her phone, since she works the front desk, and it's connected to his Instagram. I routinely have service people pop up on my social media accounts as suggested followers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I saw her comment on one of his posts and didn’t recognize her name, so I clicked on her profile to see who she was. If you want to consider that stalking, then so be it.

Not stalking! I would not like this at all. I checked my now-ex's insta and twitter and it led to much worse things that I found out. It was like the tip of the iceberg. What makes it worse is that it's public and everyone can see it. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

OP here: But even if that’s the case…he would have needed to give her his social media info in order for her to follow…

Again, this is not necessarily true. She may have had his phone number saved into her phone, since she works the front desk, and it's connected to his Instagram. I routinely have service people pop up on my social media accounts as suggested followers.

+1 Instagram/FB is always trolling your contacts to recommend additional accounts. I ignore these but it must work on some users or they wouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, who are you following on your IG or Facebook and other social media? And who follows you, messages you, and interacts with you on social media? Do you, for example, have any men who aren't family members who you interact with on social media? Younger men? Would you be willing to give up all social media to focus solely on your spouse?

This goes both ways, you know.

OP here: Of course he is following other women on social media who I don’t have a problem with (family, friends, co-workers, etc). I meant to say I don’t think he should be meeting random women and connecting with them through social media. What’s the point, other than to open a door for further communication?

And no, I don’t interact with any other male on a regular basis. If it bothered my husband that I was following certain people, of course I wouldn’t mind unfollowing them. I do agree it goes. both ways…

[Anonymous]

I would be really mad. It's definitely a red flag. Keep digging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would assume she had followed him and he followed back. But I have no concerns about my DH being inappropriate or DMing someone else online, so my antennae aren't up for something like this. People seem to be assuming that since they follow each other they're "chatting" and I don't think that's necessarily the case.

But if it bothers you just ask him to unfollow her, I guess.

OP here: But even if that’s the case…he would have needed to give her his social media info in order for her to follow…

Again, this is not necessarily true. She may have had his phone number saved into her phone, since she works the front desk, and it's connected to his Instagram. I routinely have service people pop up on my social media accounts as suggested followers.

OP here: I would believe this is she had a large amount of followers, and seemed like the type of person to follow anyone. But she doesn’t…

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to figure out if they have been messaging. It’s really easy to delete on Instagram.