How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

Quick question, what portion of men are high value? Out of those, how man are single and age appropriate for OP? How many are going to be attracted to OP? It seems like as you add more questions, that actual number of men who qualify will be come vanishingly small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

Quick question, what portion of men are high value? Out of those, how man are single and age appropriate for OP? How many are going to be attracted to OP? It seems like as you add more questions, that actual number of men who qualify will be come vanishingly small.

I have no idea the exact numbers, only that I know it when I see it. And you aren’t one.

There are plenty of HVM left. OP could absolutely find one. She should date younger though

[Anonymous]

I feel like half the posts on this forum are “29 is so young, I met my husband at 35 and we are so happy,” and the other half are “I can’t find a decent guy to date.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

Quick question, what portion of men are high value? Out of those, how man are single and age appropriate for OP? How many are going to be attracted to OP? It seems like as you add more questions, that actual number of men who qualify will be come vanishingly small.

I have no idea the exact numbers, only that I know it when I see it. And you aren’t one.

There are plenty of HVM left. OP could absolutely find one. She should date younger though

NP here, and I agree with PP that there really aren't that many "high value" men out there in their early to mid 30s still single and the few that are are total players. But I agree with you she should set her age preference to at least 5 years younger than her and go rock some young guys world.

[Anonymous]

30-40 year old UMC men who are confident and in shape are regularly getting hit on by college girls and young professional women in their mid-20s, married or otherwise. They don't need to be on dating apps. All they need to do is show up. I'm just a normal guy in late 30s with above average fashion sense and confidence, and I have been approached by multiple younger women at bars. My wife and I went to a dance club right before COVID and a girl in college propositioned us for a threesome, and she was hot too. My wife is 8 years younger than me and that seems to be a good age difference. Whoever said before that a woman 15 years younger will go after the pool boy is an idiot. Do you even know any UMC couples with an age difference? I've never heard of this. What I do see is a good number of people making 300k-1m where the wife is 5-15 years younger and they grow old happily together. The dude is 60 the wife is 45 and she goes for the pool boy? pffffff dumbest fantasy land story I have ever heard. No pool boy wants a 45 year old woman and no 45 year old woman wants a pool boy unless she has a mental disorder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

Not all of them are. A lot are, but some aren’t.

I probably fall into the category of nice guy, who is decent looking, with a good education and high earning job. I can say that I skipped at least two potential marriages -- one to a college girlfriend and one to a law school girlfriend. In both instances, it was partly that they were need and demanding, and partly that marriage was nowhere near on my radar until I hit about 29. Point being, OP is at the perfect age to meet single guys with good jobs/education who are just now thinking about marriage, and probably have some angry exes waiting in the wings. The other piece is that OP needs to understand that her pressure to get married is not the same as any boyfriends, and she needs to walk that fine line between making sure the guy is serious about relationships but also not being a pain to deal with and full of guilt trips and ultimatums. I don't envy that balancing act. Obviously, the AA woman being quoted here started laying the groundwork earlier, which was wise.

[Anonymous]

It may help that DC just ended their indoor mask mandate so now men can actually see your pretty face and approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30-40 year old UMC men who are confident and in shape are regularly getting hit on by college girls and young professional women in their mid-20s, married or otherwise. They don't need to be on dating apps. All they need to do is show up. I'm just a normal guy in late 30s with above average fashion sense and confidence, and I have been approached by multiple younger women at bars. My wife and I went to a dance club right before COVID and a girl in college propositioned us for a threesome, and she was hot too. My wife is 8 years younger than me and that seems to be a good age difference. Whoever said before that a woman 15 years younger will go after the pool boy is an idiot. Do you even know any UMC couples with an age difference? I've never heard of this. What I do see is a good number of people making 300k-1m where the wife is 5-15 years younger and they grow old happily together. The dude is 60 the wife is 45 and she goes for the pool boy? pffffff dumbest fantasy land story I have ever heard. No pool boy wants a 45 year old woman and no 45 year old woman wants a pool boy unless she has a mental disorder

Never ever in my life have I ever seen this to be true. Sounds like wishful MRA thinking. Maybe if you’re a rockstar, but not some average older guy, lol. Most young women are grossed out by older men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

Not all of them are. A lot are, but some aren’t.

I probably fall into the category of nice guy, who is decent looking, with a good education and high earning job. I can say that I skipped at least two potential marriages -- one to a college girlfriend and one to a law school girlfriend. In both instances, it was partly that they were need and demanding, and partly that marriage was nowhere near on my radar until I hit about 29. Point being, OP is at the perfect age to meet single guys with good jobs/education who are just now thinking about marriage, and probably have some angry exes waiting in the wings. The other piece is that OP needs to understand that her pressure to get married is not the same as any boyfriends, and she needs to walk that fine line between making sure the guy is serious about relationships but also not being a pain to deal with and full of guilt trips and ultimatums. I don't envy that balancing act. Obviously, the AA woman being quoted here started laying the groundwork earlier, which was wise.

Very well stated. From an ACTUAL hvm!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:30-40 year old UMC men who are confident and in shape are regularly getting hit on by college girls and young professional women in their mid-20s, married or otherwise. They don't need to be on dating apps. All they need to do is show up. I'm just a normal guy in late 30s with above average fashion sense and confidence, and I have been approached by multiple younger women at bars. My wife and I went to a dance club right before COVID and a girl in college propositioned us for a threesome, and she was hot too. My wife is 8 years younger than me and that seems to be a good age difference. Whoever said before that a woman 15 years younger will go after the pool boy is an idiot. Do you even know any UMC couples with an age difference? I've never heard of this. What I do see is a good number of people making 300k-1m where the wife is 5-15 years younger and they grow old happily together. The dude is 60 the wife is 45 and she goes for the pool boy? pffffff dumbest fantasy land story I have ever heard. No pool boy wants a 45 year old woman and no 45 year old woman wants a pool boy unless she has a mental disorder

Cool story, bro!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

Yes, most guys I know who fit thar description that have stable but non exciting jobs are married to college and even high school girlfriends. Or girlfriends they met right after college.

AA PP. This has come up a few times since I posted (fast moving thread!). I agree a lot of them are out of the dating pool, but there are more of them than the HBS grads making half a million a year.

Also agree that OP needs to prioritize this NOW. Time is the single woman’s enemy unfortunately. When I was in school, women definitely rolled their eyes at how seriously I took dating. I knew very good grades/job + serious peer boyfriend I met by really focusing on dating >>>>> excellent grades/job and never dating.

[Anonymous]

I am an Indian UMC woman who was raised UMC. I met my UMC-MC white husband when I was 24 and he was 23 at a happy hour thrown by the think tank we were both interning at. This was in the international development/ policy circles and there were tons of men and women ages 23- 31 who were completely single, broke and focused on their careers. Since the policy world includes a lot of over educated but underemployed people, many of those we knew then are still not married but working cool jobs and traveling the world.

My husband and I left the policy world and married at 27. We struggled financially for about a decade due to our liberal arts degrees so, I guess we were not the UMC picture OP is referring to but now we have a HHI of 500k-600k+.

I stuck it out with my husband as he was worldly and educated even if not high earning for the majority of our life together. A Most of our friends who make good money are married with children on the way. Our single guy friends either have major personality flaws or are in low earning careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

This is excellent advice and it’s exactly what I did as a single 30 year old in DC a few years ago. The white collar professional guys kept rejecting me so I married a man who works in IT but who I could tell had potential (we are both immigrants but he was much more recent). I married him and he has more than doubled his salary. You need to settle OP. Your friends won’t tell you this, mine sure didn’t, but I knew the truth and telling myself that the doctors and engineers who didn’t go for me didn’t represent anything would have been incredibly short sighted on my part.

Yes, most guys I know who fit thar description that have stable but non exciting jobs are married to college and even high school girlfriends. Or girlfriends they met right after college.

[Anonymous]

My comment got jumbled up in replies, here it is. I commented on poster who told OP to pivot to men with good but not UMC jobs:

This is excellent advice and it’s exactly what I did as a single 30 year old in DC a few years ago. The white collar professional guys kept rejecting me so I married a man who works in IT but who I could tell had potential (we are both immigrants but he was much more recent). I married him and he has more than doubled his salary. You need to settle OP. Your friends won’t tell you this, mine sure didn’t, but I knew the truth and telling myself that the doctors and engineers who didn’t go for me didn’t represent anything would have been incredibly short sighted on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

I'm a 33 year old married, thin, pretty, white lawyer. Undergrad at Vanderbilt followed by Georgetown law. My DH is a partner at another firm. I've never heard that phrase anywhere but from you. Because you're a freak. And I'd bet single and childless too.