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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now.[b] If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers[/b]. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner. [/quote]

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends. [/quote]

This is excellent advice and it’s exactly what I did as a single 30 year old in DC a few years ago. The white collar professional guys kept rejecting me so I married a man who works in IT but who I could tell had potential (we are both immigrants but he was much more recent). I married him and he has more than doubled his salary. You need to settle OP. Your friends won’t tell you this, mine sure didn’t, but I knew the truth and telling myself that the  doctors and engineers who didn’t go for me didn’t represent anything would have been incredibly short sighted on my part.

Yes, most guys I know who fit thar description that have stable but non exciting jobs are married to college and even high school girlfriends. Or girlfriends they met right after college. [/quote][/quote]

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